


Need You

by Capsicle2013



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Aunt & Uncle Avengers, Aunt Natasha Romanov, Avengers Family, Blood and Injury, Bottom Steve Rogers, Character Death, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Happy Ending, Family Issues, Family Secrets, Gen, Giving Birth, Irondad, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Mpreg, Not Canon Compliant, One Night Stands, Parent Death, Parent Steve Rogers, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Feels, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Pregnancy, Pregnant Steve Rogers, Protective Avengers, Protective Steve, Smut, Spider-son, Top Tony Stark, Tragedy, Uncle Bucky Barnes, Uncle Sam Wilson, Unplanned Pregnancy, single parent steve rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:00:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 52,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28662852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capsicle2013/pseuds/Capsicle2013
Summary: When Tony leaves the team, he doesn't realize what he's really leaving behind. It's not until 15 years later when he discovers what's been kept from him.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 428
Kudos: 468





	1. Last First Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this idea for some time now. Let me warn you now that it's not going to be a happy Stony ending. If you've read the tags then you know what I'm talking about. This one is going to be sad and angsty and a lot different than my other stories. It won't exactly be Tony friendly at first either but I promise he gets better. For those of you who stick around, I hope you enjoy it!

The party was meant to celebrate their victory. They had saved the world again and to commemorate the win, Tony threw the team and a few guests a party. Tony was used to opening up his tower and hosting these types of events. Though usually the parties he threw were meant to recognize his accomplishments, this one was strictly for the team.

A team of superheroes. The Avengers.

Tony never thought in a million years that he’d be a part of something like The Avengers. The world already knew him as the famous billionaire philanthropist, and of course his new alter ego Iron Man, but he’s never been seen working with others. Tony worked alone. It was his preference.

And maybe it was because working alone meant he was unlikely to cause damage to those closest to him. Okay, maybe that wasn’t entirely true. His time as Iron Man brought new threats everyday to the people he cared about. Working with a team just wasn’t his style.

The Avengers was just a group of misfits trying to find their place in the world. Tony understood that more than anyone. He himself felt like an outcast 9 times out of 10. His fame and fortune didn’t mean a damn thing if at the end of the day he still felt like a loser, like nobody.

He wasn’t expecting to feel any kind of significance when he agreed to join Nick Fury’s group of unlikely heroes. And to be honest, the first day he met the team members, he didn’t feel like he belonged at all.

He knew Natasha Romanoff already, but still struggled to fully trust her. Clint Barton had his moments and could be a real pain in the ass. Thor, The god of thunder was...well, Tony was still trying to figure that out. The last he knew Thor was just a mythical character. Bruce Banner appeared to be the only guy on the team that spoke Tony’s language, both figuratively and literally. They clicked instantly and Tony didn’t care about Bruce’s mean streak and his tendencies to smash things.

And Steve Rogers…Tony didn’t even know where to begin.

If Tony thought Barton was a pain in the ass, then Steve was giving him a run for his money. The super soldier/ WW2 veteran was one of the most difficult people to work with. He didn’t bother keeping his opinions to himself, which in turn led to arguments. Steve was a stubborn jackass, and that was Tony just being nice when it came to describing his fellow teammate.

They were like fire and gasoline; a recipe for a massive explosion. And on many occasions that fire was lit and they were both left standing in the rubble.

Out of everyone on the team, Steve was probably the worst. And Tony loved him.

God he loved him so much it hurt. He loved the way Steve carried himself; his confidence was admirable and envious at the same time. Tony loved how smart the Captain was. Steve may be from a different time, but he was clever and his way of thinking was underestimated. His laugh and smile was another thing Tony loved about him. Steve had been reserved at first, but he came out of his shell more and more, revealing the smile Tony couldn’t get out of his head.

He was extremely good looking. Tony didn’t know such a person could even exist until he met Steve Rogers. Steve’s eyes were Tony’s favorite feature. Sure his Adonis body didn’t go ignored, but his eyes were addicting. It was easy for Tony to get lost in them.

It’s cheesy, he knows this, and yet he can’t help it. He loved Steve, more than he should. They were just teammates, maybe even friends. But lovers? Nah. That would never happen.

Getting together would be risky and jeopardize the relationship they’ve managed to build over the past couple of years. And plus, it wasn’t like Steve reciprocated those same feelings. They were two completely different people, and Tony didn't care how much opposites attract. They’d never work.

At least that’s what Tony had been trying to tell himself since he first set eyes on the super soldier. His plan was to play it cool and not allow himself to entertain the idea of him and Steve. For the most part it worked.

Until it didn’t.

They should be back at the party with their friends, basking in the glow of their victory. But after a couple of drinks, they’re sneaking away from the guests and up to Tony’s penthouse.

Steve’s lips are on Tony’s the moment they’re behind closed doors. Tony allows it, welcomes it with open arms and leads Steve down the hall and toward his bedroom. If Steve’s a little rusty, he does a damn good job at not showing it. He kisses Tony with ease, lips moving effortlessly and hands running down Tony’s body.

It’s too much and the last brain cell Tony had left advises against it, but he chooses to ignore the warning and let Steve kiss him.

He doesn’t let Steve take full control. Tony liked to be the one to take the lead and give his partners an unforgettable experience. Maybe that was just his ego talking but he didn’t have a reputation for nothing.

Taking control of a super soldier is a lot easier than Tony thought it was going to be. He has Steve laying flat on his back with his blue button up shirt already open and revealing the white undershirt he wore underneath. Thor’s mead was legit.

Steve props himself up on his elbows, watching with lust-filled eyes as Tony works on unbuckling his belt and crawling between his spread legs. Steve welcomes Tony with a lip bruising kiss, soft moans escaping him when Tony’s tongue slides into his mouth.

“Fuck, Tony,” Steve pants when Tony’s lips find their way to his neck. Steve moans and runs his fingers through Tony’s hair.

Tony responds by sucking and biting down on the sensitive flesh, desperate to hear those noises again. Steve rewards him with more. His hand trails between them, down Tony’s chest and torso until it's hovering over Tony’s crotch.

It’s Tony who moans this time. He grinds against Steve’s hand, chasing after more of the friction. Steve’s hand keeps going, playing with the belt Tony regrets wearing, and unbuckling it.

“Shit, Steve,” Tony groans, eyes falling shut when Steve’s rubs and squeezes his cock. Steve pulls back, smirking when Tony whines.

“Take them off, Stark.”

Fuck. Tony loved it when Steve started throwing out orders. That pesky voice is back, pointing out that Steve probably only considers this a quick fuck. Tony doesn’t want to listen, even though deep down he knows that’s exactly what this was.

Tony complies with the order and works quickly on shedding his clothing. Steve isn’t too far behind and his clothes soon meet Tony’s in a piled mess on the floor.

Tony takes control again and their lips meet in another heated kiss. Tony doesn’t waste anymore time, knowing they were already pushing it. Sooner or later someone was going to look for them.

It’s not long before Steve is underneath him again and moaning his name. Their bodies are pressed together, and Steve wraps his legs around Tony’s waist, urging him closer. Tony fucks into him harder, punching out pleasured gasps and moans from Steve’s lips.

“Tony! I’m...close…”

Tony responds with a small grunt. He’s close too, just a little more and he’d be spilling inside. His thrusts become harder, faster. Steve is crying out his name and his back lifts off the bed. Tony groans when his cock is squeezed by Steve’s tight heat.

“Fuck. Gonna…” Is the only warning Tony gives before he’s coming inside Steve. He ducks his head down, burying his face in Steve’s neck and grunting against the skin he’s marked up. His body shivers and his hips stutter. He pulls out and rolls over onto his back.

Time appears to be passing slowly after that. They’re left panting heavily and wondering what the hell just happened. Or at least that’s what Tony’s thinking. Through his drunken haze he’s still able to comprehend the situation he’s found himself in. Fuck. He shouldn’t have slept with Steve. What did he just do?

Tony runs a hand through his disheveled hair, blowing out a breath of air and turning his head in Steve’s direction. Steve is staring up at the ceiling. It’s difficult to read him, and for a moment Tony wonders if Steve had been thinking the same thing.

Very few words are shared while they dress and work on making themselves presentable. The last they need is to be discovered and find themselves the story of the week on every news tabloid.

Steve is the first to break the awkwardness that’s surrounded them. He clears his throat and smooths a hand down the front of his shirt. “I...I don’t know what I’m supposed to say after this. Thank you just seems...wrong.”

“Yeah.” Tony nods in agreement.

Silence again.

“I guess we better-” Steve gestures lamely to the door.

Tony nods again, but decides to let Steve leave first. “Can’t go down together,” Tony explains when Steve stares at him quizzically. “Don’t want people getting the wrong idea.”

Steve frowns. “I don’t care what people think.”

“Yeah well…”

Steve huffs. “Guess I’ll see you later. Bye, Tony.”

Tony doesn’t say a word and instead watches as Steve leaves the bedroom. He waits a few moments, using that time to freshen up and add more of his signature cologne. His hair was still a mess, but it was nothing a little bit of hair gel couldn’t fix.

No one questions him when he returns downstairs. It’s as if no one noticed the lack of his presence. His teammates are seated around a few sofas, laughing and drinking, completely unaware of what just happened upstairs. Steve is with them, chatting with his new friend Sam Wilson.

Tony watches them for a moment. He doesn’t miss the way Steve’s body relaxes and that infectious smile of his appears. Steve seemed at ease around Sam, something Tony wishes the soldier would show around him. Steve had only worked with Sam once, and yet they appeared as if they had been friends for years.

Sam had been recruited to help with their latest mission after Steve met him working as a SHIELD agent. Taking down Hydra wasn’t a simple task and Tony would be lying if he said he wasn’t thankful for the extra person on their side. The reward had its gains, stopping a Nazi cult was one of them, but for Steve, the biggest gain was getting his best friend back.

Sergeant Barnes was currently back in DC under SHIELD's care. He had been abused for years under Hydra's control. Tony wasn’t sure what he thought about him, especially once he learned the truth about his parents and the affiliation Barnes had with them. It wasn’t until he learned of the brainwashing did he ease off. It wasn’t like Barnes could help what he did, but Tony was still wary.

Steve had been over the moon when he got his best friend back. Tony got that. He had a best friend too, and he’d do anything for Rhodey if the roles had been reversed.

The party was meant to celebrate them winning and saving an innocent man from the torture Hydra put him through.

But Tony still felt as if he had lost.

Their eyes meet from across the room and Tony raises his glass. Steve smiles softly and turns away. Tony sighs and brings the glass up to his lips, chugging down the remainder of his Dirty Martini.

With his glass now empty and the urge for another becoming too much to ignore, he steps away from the group and over toward the bar. While he waits, he leans against the counter and sighs. So much for enjoying the party.

A familiar figure joins him. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed when he realized it had been Pepper.

“I knew I’d find you here. Enjoying yourself?” Pepper asks, almost as if she could read his mind. She was good at that.

“Me? Yeah. This is…” Tony pauses for a moment and scans the room of familiar faces. His gaze stops on Steve. “Great. Best party ever.”

Pepper doesn’t appear convinced, not that Tony was expecting her to buy his lie.

“Uh huh. The Avengers did great work. You should be proud.”

Tony scoffs and turns away when the bartender returns with his drink. He thanks the man with a nod before taking a sip from the glass.

“I guess so.”

Pepper smiles softly and lays a hand over his shoulder. Her touch was nice and offered comfort, but it didn’t compare to Steve’s touch.

“At least pretend to be happy. I know you’re good at that.”

Tony huffs out a small laugh. “I’m the best.”

“I know.” Pepper rubs his shoulder again before turning and walking away to mingle with more of the guests.

Tony watches her leave as he takes another drink. The feelings he had for her were strong, but the ones he had reserved for Steve were stronger. It was always going to be Steve.

It was pathetic loving someone who was never going to love him back. He wishes that they never met. He was better off working alone and marrying Pepper one day. But the vision of them together was clouded. All he could see was Steve.

Tony frowns and takes another drink, making sure to gulp down the liquor. He’s ready to order another when Steve makes his way over.

“Shit,” Tony mutters to himself and he turns away, hoping the blond would leave him alone.

Steve appears beside him and orders a beer. He thanks the man and leans against the counter, his gaze landing on Tony.

“I take it I did something wrong. You’re ignoring me.”

Tony sighs and forces himself to glance in Steve’s direction. Steve was starting to resemble himself again. He didn't appear very drunk anymore, a little buzzed maybe, but not shitfaced. The serum probably took care of that.

“Not ignoring you. I’m just...ordering a drink," Tony finally replies.

Steve’s eyes flicker down toward the drink in Tony’s hand before settling back on Tony’s face. “You’re ignoring me. If the sex was bad-”

“Jesus. The point of a one night stand is so we never bring it up again.”

Steve frowns and takes a swig from his beer. “I figured that’s all this was.”

“Good. Guess we’re on the same page.”

Steve scoffs and shakes his head. “It’s funny. Our first kiss was our last.”

This was Tony’s chance to tell him how he felt. But Tony stops himself. What they did could never happen again. They were just too different and it was painfully obvious that they worked better when they were drinking. Tony didn’t want that. He wanted Steve, but he didn’t want the clashing and fighting. They were going to butt heads no matter what and the last thing Tony wanted to do was put Steve through that. That wouldn’t be a healthy relationship for either one of them.

So Tony does what he does best and keeps it all to himself. It was safer this way. Only he would get hurt. And that was better than hurting Steve.

“Yeah.”

Not much is said between them after that. Steve takes his beer and leaves, returning to the sofas to chat with Sam again. Tony watches from the bar, wishing it didn’t have to be this way. But it was for the best.


	2. Walking Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback! The kudos and kind words never fails to put a smile on my face! I wish I could see these two stop being idiots but...yeah that's not happening. We love them anyway :)

Getting over Steve is a lot harder than Tony anticipated. Steve wasn’t like past partners and one nightstands; everyone before him was easier to forget. But Steve was never going to be like anyone else. He was different from the start.

Falling in love was never supposed to have happened. They were strictly teammates and that’s all they were ever going to be. Tony Stark didn’t fall in love.

He knows what he needs to do, but the decision is too big and he finds himself worrying about it more than he should. There isn’t anyone he can really talk to about it. He opened up to JARVIS, only for his trusted A.I. to criticize him and the choice he was contemplating.

It would be easier to come clean and confess that he had strong feelings for the Captain; it would surely lift that incredulous weight off his shoulders. But then there was wondering what kind of reaction Steve would have, and it sends Tony spiraling into another panic.

Walking away from Steve seemed like his only option. But in order to walk away from him, Tony would have to walk away from the team.

Tony’s thought of leaving the team a few times. It wasn’t like he really belonged with the group Nick scraped together. They were all outcasts, and maybe that’s why he was chosen. It didn’t matter. He didn’t fit it, didn’t play well with others.

But it wasn’t being on a team that Tony was struggling with. His feelings for Steve was the reasoning behind his decision to leave. It was the only way he’d get over Steve for good.

* * *

The tension between them is thick and the silence is uncomfortable; it’s nothing new to them. From the moment they first met each other, it was decided by both parties that any form of a relationship was impossible to create. They had to be civil, though. Part of their job description was working together. It shouldn’t be difficult, and yet they struggled to meet in the middle.

“You’re leaving?” Steve asks, finally breaking the silence. He’s no longer staring down at his lap, and instead he lifts his head to connect his eyes with Tony’s. The deep frown etched on his face hasn’t left since they’ve started this conversation. “Why?”

Tony scoffs and shifts in his own seat. He wishes he had chosen a better place to do this. The communal living area was the first choice, but this conversation didn’t require anyone else’s ears. The conference room would have to suffice.

“You know why, Steve. Come on, don’t make me say it,” Tony says.

“It’s me? That’s why you’re-”

Tony cuts him off. “I never said it was you.”

“You didn’t have to. I know how you feel about me. We don’t get along and it makes working and living here difficult, I know.”

“Took the words right out of my mouth.”

Steve sighs harshly. “What about the team? We’re supposed to be doing this job together and now you’re just going to walk away?”

“I’m not…” Tony huffs. “I’m not walking away. I’m taking a break. I didn’t want to be a part of this team anyway.”

“That’s walking away. If you have complaints then take it up with Nick. Maybe he can-”

“Oh my God.” Tony groans and rises to his feet, moving toward the front of the long table and resting both hands against it. “I’m not taking anything up with him. At least not yet. I wanted to tell you first.”

“Tony, you can’t give up on us. The team needs you,” Steve says.

“Why are you big on making me stay, Cap? You’re supposed to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Why? Because we fucked that one time or because you actually think I’m a good person? I’m gonna go with the first one.”

Steve’s jaw clenches. He’s getting angry, but the pink hue that appears over his face isn’t from the anger. Tony’s only seen Steve blush like this before, back when he had too much to drink and Steve had some of Thor’s mead. Tony never expected after that to have the famous Captain America in his bed.

It was a night that probably never should have happened. It only made leaving that much more difficult. But Steve didn’t need to know that. He probably didn’t feel anything anyway.

“Look, it’s just better if I go,” Tony says. “Besides, what do I even contribute here? Just the stuff,” he waves his hands around the room. “This place?”

“More than that. Tony, if you leave then we won’t be a real team.”

“You’ll be fine. You can run this operation a hell of a lot better than I can. It’s who you are, Rogers.”

“And what about Iron Man? You giving up on that, too?” Steve asks.

Tony gives a nonchalant shrug in response. “Don’t know yet. He might want a little vacation. Haven’t been to Bora Bora in a while.”

“Tony, I’m being serious.”

“And so am I. Cap, I’m done. I’m getting older and honestly this crap is just weighing me down. It’s just a little break.”

“It doesn’t sound like one.”

“Just don’t worry about it. You have more than enough people now. You have your buddies Barnes and Wilson on the team. That’s enough, right?”

Steve inhales sharply. “I just don’t understand why now. You had no problem with this job in the past.”

“How do you know that? Did you ask? Oh wait no you didn’t. We don’t work and I’m sorry but it’s stressing me out.”

“So it is my fault.”

“Mostly mine. I don’t play well with others. You of all people should know that.”

“If there’s any way of us figuring out how to get over our differences-”

“We can’t. It only happened once and we weren’t even sober. Unless you suggest we do this job while drunk then maybe I’ll consider.”

“No.”

“Okay, then I’m going,” Tony says and he slips on his sunglasses. “You’ll be fine, Steve.”

Tony reaches out to pat him on the shoulder, then he turns and heads toward the door. He has one hand on the knob when Steve speaks to him.

“And if I need you for anything?”

“Just call.”

“How will I know you’ll answer?”

“I might.”

“Okay. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“Me, too. Bye, Cap.”

“Bye, Tony.”


	3. Unplanned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone. I'm not sure when I'll be updating again. I tested positive for Covid and I'm trying to take it easy. The only reason this story is getting updated is because it was written before I got sick. If I start feeling better than I'll definitely do some writing. I'm really sorry about this! I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

The compound feels lonelier without Tony in it. They were supposed to have moved locations together, as a team, but Tony had already made up his mind that he didn’t belong. Steve should be grateful that Tony at least gave the Avengers a new home, but in reality it was just so Tony could have his tower back to himself.

Steve wasn’t going to allow himself to care. Maybe he was still bitter about Tony abandoning the team, or maybe he was angry about the feelings he had for his old teammate. Tony had made it perfectly clear that what they did was to never repeat itself and shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Steve should be fine with that, but deep down he’s hurt.

Their relationship wasn’t perfect, in fact it was far from it. It was always going to be rocky and eventually crumble, but Steve had hope. They had managed to become friends, and maybe if they worked hard, that friendship would progress to more.

But then Tony left.

Steve pushes forward like he does best. He focuses on the team and building them up to what they need to be. He continues to fight and save the world as the fearless Captain. Tony Stark isn’t on his mind as much anymore.

But forgetting about Tony was easier said than done. He was always going to be on Steve’s mind, no matter how hard the soldier tried to forget.

* * *

Steve curses quietly to himself and hangs his head between his shoulders, eyes burning with the tears that threaten to fall. He grips the edge of the countertop to steady himself when he sways. He glances toward his right, settling his eyes on the plastic stick he had just peed on.

He had his suspicions, back when unusual symptoms began to make themselves known. He had pushed the reason behind his sudden illness aside, not wanting to believe that the night he shared with Tony all those weeks ago could result in this. It wasn’t until he confided in Natasha did she suggest he take the test.

Steve stares at it again and with one shaky hand, reaches for it. His fingers wrap around the test, his grip on it so tight he feels he might snap it in two. The tears in his eyes can no longer be concealed and they escape, rolling down his face and creating wet tracks.

Even with his vision blurred, he can still make out the smiley face in the little window of the test. He chokes back a sob and throws the test in the trash. It takes a few moments to compose himself. One look in the mirror shows he needed more time; his eyes are inflamed around the rims and his face is red and blotchy from crying.

He doesn’t want his friends to see him like this. They have already been worried about him since he started feeling off. His stomach churns at the thought of having to tell them the news, of having to tell _Tony_.

Steve rushes toward the toilet, dropping down to his knees and emptying the contents of his stomach into the bowl beneath him. The nausea passes, but the uneasy feeling in the pit of his gut remains. He moves away and until he’s resting against the wall. His hands travels up to his head, fingers grasping his hair and pulling hard. More tears are spilling from his eyes now and he no longer cares about his appearance.

He was having a baby.

It was something he had wanted at one point. A family; stability; the simple life. He should be excited about the life he was carrying. But it was difficult to find joy in the situation when the father wasn’t present.

Steve glances down at his stomach, gently placing one hand over his still flat middle. He knows he needs to tell Tony. Maybe this is what would bring Tony back.

He rises to his feet on shaky legs, one hand flying toward the wall to steady himself when he staggers. He cleans up the mess and splashes water on his face before stepping out of the bathroom and into his bedroom.

His phone is sitting on the nightstand beside his bed, and he reaches for it, finding the number he hasn’t called in a while. He’s not expecting anyone to pick up, but after the third ring, Tony’s voice is on the other line.

“Hey, Cap. You miss me already?”

Steve can’t help but smile at the sound of Tony’s voice. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“I’m sure you’re doing fine without me.”

It’s meant as a joke, but Steve can’t bring himself to laugh. “Actually…” he pauses, one hand falling to his stomach. The queasiness returns and Steve has to bite back the urge to vomit.

“Cap?”

Steve hasn’t realized he took too long to respond. “Sorry,” Steve quickly apologizes and clears his throat. “I’m actually not...fine...not really.”

“Let me guess...Thor ate the last pop tart?”

“No...he’s not even here. At least not fully. Tony, you told me if I ever needed you for anything…”

“Yeah?”

“I...I need you to come back.”

There’s a pause on the other end. It seems to go on forever and Steve wonders if Tony had hung up. Steve pulls the phone away from his ear to check, finding the call still going.

“Tony?”

“If it’s another mission-”

“It’s-”

“-then I’m gonna have to pass.”

“Tony, I’m-”

“Look, Steve I know i said anything but I can’t get involved with this kind of stuff anymore. The team is yours now.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to say. If you would just listen.” Steve’s aware of the dangerous tone he’s using. His patience is being put to the test, something that always happens when he’s trying to communicate with Tony.

“I said I was done. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”

“You know what, forget it. I don’t need you. I’ll do this myself!”

“Steve-”

“Forget it. You want to walk away then fine. I don’t need you for anything. You’re just a coward.”

“Fine. If that’s how you feel then don’t bother calling me for anything ever again. I won’t be there.”

Steve hangs up and with a frustrated cry throws his phone, watching it bounce a few times on the bed. He plops down on the edge of the bed, leaning forward and burying his face in his hands, no longer able to keep himself together.

He’s tempted to call Tony back to properly explain the situation, but he doesn’t. If Tony could easily walk away from the team, from him, then there was no denying that he’d do it a second time and walk away from their baby.

Steve sniffs and uses one hand to wipe away the tears. His hand finds its way to his stomach. It’s a terrifying thought to know that just beneath his fingertips a tiny life is beginning to grow. It was unplanned and terrifying, but at the same time, he can’t help the spark of joy that courses through him.

He could have a baby, and he could do it alone. His mother did it and he turned out just fine. He didn’t need Tony for this.


	4. The Secret's Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I just want to say thank you for the warm wishes and kind words! It's definitely boosted my spirits. I'm feeling a bit better today and since I'm forced to lie in bed, I'm taking advantage to write. I hope everyone is doing well!

Steve doesn’t announce his pregnancy right away. His plan...okay, maybe he doesn’t have a plan, but if he did, it would be to wait to say anything. He has no clue how he’s supposed to break the news to his teammates. Getting the words out to Tony had already been a bust.

For the most part he’s able to keep quiet. Natasha is the first to track him down and fish for information. She finds him in the gym-a place he usually goes to think and be alone- and he’s forced to stop punching his third bag to greet her. She isn’t dressed in anything indicating that she wants to train, leaving him to assume that she just wants him to talk.

“You can’t hide from me forever,” Natasha says and folds her arms over her chest. Steve scoffs and continues to beat at the bag.

“I’m not hiding,” he lies. She can obviously see right through it. “I’m thinking.”

“About him?”

Steve’s jaw tightens and he punches the bag a little harder. So what if he likes to imagine that he's hitting Tony’s stupid face? It helps him feel better.

“Among other things.” Steve doesn’t deny it. Natasha would see through that too.

“What did the test say? You never told me.”

Steve sucks in a harsh breath and eases off the bag, letting it swing for a moment until he grows tired of the motion and reaches out to stop it. “There was a little smiley face on it so...you get the idea.”

Natasha grins, her expression reminding Steve of the smiley face on the test. At least hers was more comforting and he didn’t have the urge to throw her in the trash and cover her with tissues.

“That’s good.”

Steve scoffs again and her smile instantly vanishes.

“It’s not...good, Nat.” Steve turns away from her to release the bag from the chain, but then she’s quickly reaching out for him and stopping him from pulling it off.

“You can’t lift heavy things, Rogers,” Natasha scolds, her lips forming into a scowl. Steve rolls his eyes, and with a huff, leaves the bag to hang. “And it is a good thing. A baby isn’t the end of the world.”

“I didn’t say that. I want to keep it.”

That warm smile is instantly back. “Really? You’re going through with it?”

“Yeah,” Steve says and unravels the wrap from his hands. He peers up at her, noticing the smile was gone. “What? Isn’t that the right thing to do?”

“That’s not up to me to decide. How do you really feel about it?” Natasha asks.

Steve glances down at his hands again. His eyes fill with tears and he does everything he can to hold them in. He takes a deep breath to calm himself before glancing up at his friend. “I’m scared,” he admits. “I have no idea what I’m doing and Tony...he doesn’t know.”

“Oh.” Natasha frowns. “You have time to work things out with him. Don’t worry about that yet. Does anyone else know or just me?”

“Just you.”

“Before Wilson? I must be special.”

Steve huffs out a laugh. “If Bucky were here-”

“That’s what I came to talk to you about. Barnes is being released. He’ll be flown in tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“Do you feel better now?”

Steve nods, and this time a small smile forms over his face. “Yeah.”

“Good. Now you can tell him next,” Natasha says with a wink, then she turns around and leaves.

Steve waits until she’s gone before finally letting his guard down. The tears that roll down his face are a mixture of happy and scared. He’s happy to have his best friend back and on his side again, and though that news should be exciting, Steve can’t fully devote himself to that emotion. He might have his best friend back, but he was still having a baby. Alone.

Maybe it was time he shared his secret.

* * *

Steve waits a few days after Bucky comes home before he breaks the news. The last thing he wanted to do was bombard his team with new information after they’ve just welcomed a new team member, and lost an old one.

The void Tony left could never be filled. Steve didn’t understand how they were supposed to function properly without Tony on their side. He had promised he’d be there if they ever needed him, but Steve couldn’t believe that now. They were on their own.

Just like he and his unborn child were.

There’s a heavy weight lifted off his shoulders now that Steve has broken the news about his pregnancy to the team. Natasha-though she already knew-appeared the most thrilled about the news. A bright smile had formed over her face when he announced it, and she didn’t hesitate to brag about being right about it either.

It wasn’t to say that the rest of his teammates weren’t happy about the news; they all made sure to congratulate him, and for the most part they seemed sincere. But the silence that followed only meant that they had questions.

“Are you gonna tell him?” Sam is the first to ask the question that’s been on everyone’s mind; Steve’s included.

Steve sighs and shifts in his seat. “I already tried,” he says, deciding it was better to be honest. “He didn’t really give me a chance to explain but...I don’t think it would have mattered anyway.”

“It’s his kid, though,” Bucky says next. Despite being gone for weeks with SHIELD and before that brainwashed for years under Hydra’s control, he was catching on pretty quickly.

Before Steve can even reply to the question, Natasha is joining. “I mean if he chooses not to, at least you still have us.”

“It’s real shitty for Tony to not want to be in his kid’s life,” Sam retorts.

“Yes but let’s say Steve does call him again-”

“I won’t,” Steve interrupts Bruce. “I’m not...I’m not calling again.”

“Why?” Bucky asks. “You think he’ll walk out again?”

Steve casts his gaze down toward his lap. Of course Bucky would be the one to figure it out.

“I can get by on my own,” Steve says. And it’s true. He had no problem raising the baby by himself. If Tony wanted to be on board, he’d let him. And if he didn’t, then that was okay too.

“I say you call him again,” Sam suggests.

“Yeah.” Steve rises to his feet, deciding he’s had enough of the conversation. God knows they’ll only be having another one just like it tomorrow. “I’m going to lie down for a bit.”

His teammates don’t try to force him to stay. Sleep doesn’t come easily, and for most of the night Steve is left tossing and turning. His stomach is still bothering him, but it’s not just the morning sickness that’s getting to him. He needs to tell Tony the truth.

With a huff Steve reaches over for his phone, finding the number he wants, only to hesitate to make the call. He wondered where Tony was or what he was doing; if he’d even answer his phone call.

Steve gives it a shot. It’s just another failed attempt. It’s tempting to leave a message, but that wasn’t how Steve wanted to break the news.

With a sigh of defeat, Steve gives up and rolls onto his back, eyes transfixed on the ceiling above him. His mind doesn’t stop racing with thoughts about Tony and the life they created. They weren’t supposed to have crossed that line. They were teammates first and then friends. But friends wasn’t a word anyone would use to describe them. They didn’t work.

A part of Steve wishes they had worked. Their team wouldn’t be missing its member right now, and the baby growing inside of him wouldn’t be a secret he was going to have to keep. Maybe he and Tony could find a way to come together to raise their child.

It was wishful thinking.

* * *

Steve had wanted to hold off on exposing his secret a little longer. Only his close friends knew and if Steve could have it his way, they’d be the only ones. The world didn’t need to know that the famous Captain America had a one night stand that resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. Especially if the other father was Tony Stark a.k.a Iron Man. The press would have a field day with that information.

It was safer-for both the child and himself- if his secret remained hidden. The last thing he wanted was for the world to turn against him and shun the child that was innocent. Not to mention Tony finding out through a gossip article.

Steve was going to tell him. It was the right thing to do. Even if Tony decided he wasn’t ready and wouldn’t step up, then Steve could handle that. He was having this baby, with or without Tony.

But keeping his secret proves to be more difficult than Steve anticipated.

A new mission has been assigned and Steve knows going out in the field wasn’t an option. He could easily send Sam or even Bucky in his place, but it would raise suspicions. Steve found himself between a rock and a hard place.

He decides to tell another person.

Nick Fury wasn’t exactly the person Steve had imagined telling about the baby, at least not right away. But Nick was the director and had every right to know. Steve just didn’t imagine telling him anything until he was ready.

There was no point dancing around and Steve gets straight to business. It’s difficult to get the words out, but once he does, it’s like a heavy weight was lifted off his chest and he could breathe again. Then Nick is silent and Steve begins to fear the worst.

“Sir-” Steve starts, only to be silenced when Nick holds up a single hand.

“Care to explain to me how this happened?” Nick’s voice is tight and full of irritation.

Steve’s lips purse into a tight line. How the hell was he supposed to explain to the Director that he had a one night stand a few months ago? He was America’s Golden Boy. The image of himself was forever tainted.

“I didn’t intend for this to happen. It was a mistake.”

It wasn’t, at least not entirely. He never considered his unborn child a mistake. Unplanned was what it was. Never a mistake.

The one night stand, letting Tony go without properly telling him...that was the mistake.

Nick inhales sharply and rises to his feet. “How long have you known?”

“Just a few weeks. I haven’t told anyone other than my team. They deserved to know,” Steve replies.

“They do. Guess you’re on Maternity leave, Cap. Maybe this will get Stark back in the game.”

“No! I mean, we’re fine without him, sir. He chose to leave. He won’t come back.”

Nick eyes him closely, too closely. Steve grows nervous, fearing that the rest of his secret was being revealed without him even having to open his mouth.

“I won’t say anything if that’s what you’re worried about,” Nick eventually says.

“Thank you, Nick. I want to keep this child safe.”

“So you are going through with it?”

Steve doesn’t even hesitate to supply an answer. “Yes.”

Nick nods. “Then I guess congratulations are in order.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re pulled from future assignments. If you want to retire after this that’s your choice, but the world still needs Captain America.”

“I’m not done yet. I still want to keep this world safe, especially now.” Steve’s hand falls to his middle when he says this. The gesture doesn’t go ignored and Nick’s eyes land on the Captain’s belly.

And then he smiles. It’s not very big, but Steve can still see it appear where a usual scowl goes. “Yeah. Guess you do. Your secret’s safe with me. I won’t let SHIELD interfere. Well , except for providing care. All of your medical needs will be taken care of.”

“Thank you, Nick. That means a lot.”

Nick waves a dismissive hand. “You’re free to go. Congrats on that baby.”

Steve smiles and nods, then he leaves the large office.

There’s a sense of relief knowing that he had another person on his side. He felt he could trust Nick now. His child would be safe and receive the best care. No harm would ever come to him or her.

One more person needed to know. Steve just wasn’t sure if he could do it.


	5. Something Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hope everyone is doing good! I've been feeling a little better. I can't taste or smell and that's depressing, but at least I have my stories and lovely readers to lift my spirits. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

True to his word, Nick had managed to keep Steve’s big secret hidden from the rest of the world and provide care for both himself and his unborn child. The medical staff worked for SHIELD and they too had orders to keep their mouths shut or else face consequences Steve was too nervous to question.

It was beginning to look like he would be raising this child all on his own. He hadn’t broken the news to Tony yet. Being removed from assignments gave him extra time during his day, and none of it goes to calling up Tony and telling him about the baby.

Steve wasn’t honestly sure how to do it. Every night he was forced to lie awake and go over the list of pros and cons he’s made. The obvious pro would be having Tony back and their child having both of their parents. The con was having Tony back and risk losing him all over again.

There shouldn’t be that much doubt when it comes to Tony, but Steve can’t help the way that he feels. Tony had already proved that leaving was easy for him, and there was no telling if he’d do it again. Steve wanted nothing more than for Tony to come back and they picked up where they left off. No restart. They needed a do over.

But all of the outgoing calls never get returned. Steve’s lost count of how many times he’s called Tony during the span of a day. If he’s not putting together missions and going over training tactics, then Steve was on his phone.

It was pathetic, he knew this and his team must know it too. He doesn’t miss the sympathetic looks sent his way when his phone rings and he rushes to answer it, only to discover it’s Hill, Fury or his doctor. No one else calls.

His doctor appointments were once a month, preferably in the morning after he’s gone on a run. He doesn’t push himself like he used to; he’s careful with everything he does. The life he was given to carry and nurture was too delicate for him to put at risk. Steve promised to be the best parent he could possibly be, and that’s exactly what he was going to do.

During his first appointment, Steve finds himself alone. He had wanted his friends to tag along with him, but he kept it to himself, wanting to see what it really felt like going to these things alone and if he was capable of doing it. He wasn’t.

It wouldn’t be too late to call Bucky and have him meet him on the third floor, but he assumes his friend is busy and he slips his phone back into his pocket. Bucky was probably training with Sam anyway. They didn’t get along initially, but now they were starting to get used to each other’s presence and Steve was beginning to pick up on their not so subtle hints. Something was brewing between them, and Steve was happy.

It was a shame he wouldn’t get a happy ending. Well, that was a lie. It may not be like theirs, in fact it would be better. His child was his happiness. He may not have Tony, but he wasn’t completely alone.

His fingers dig back into his pocket and he retrieves his phone again. He hovers over the contact information for a moment before finally making the call and pressing the phone to his ear. It rings and rings; his leg shakes the entire time. Then, finally, the other line picks up.

“Tony,” Steve says, a little too quickly.

“I’m sorry, but Mr. Stark is currently unavailable.” Comes Jarvis’ voice.

Steve doesn’t even wait for the AI to give him information on how he can leave a message, and he ends the call. It’s right on time, too, because the nurse appears and he’s being led into the sterilized room.

He tries to forget about Tony during the visit with the doctor, but forgetting about Tony is harder than Steve ever thought it would be. It’s not until the doctor begins the ultrasound does Steve devote his full attention to the monitor.

The moment he’s pointed out the life growing inside of him, his whole world shifts into focus. For once he’s not thinking about Tony and wishing for him to come back. All he could think about was his baby. The little life he was blessed to love and care for.

That was all that mattered.

He leaves with a picture and a smile on his face. He doesn’t call Tony that night.

* * *

“Write him a letter,” Sam says randomly one morning during breakfast. It was well known that Steve’s method of telling Tony about the baby wasn’t cutting it. His friends probably felt sorry for him or thought he was an idiot. Maybe both. Steve definitely felt stupid for not being able to tell the father of his baby that well...he was going to be a father.

“What?” Steve glances up from his untouched breakfast. The eggs and bacon weren’t appeasing that morning. His morning sickness was beginning to taper off now that he was closing in on his second trimester, but this morning he felt off. He blames another restless night.

“A letter,” Sam says again before shoveling a fork full of eggs into his mouth. Steve can’t help but grimace at the way his friend eats. Has Sam always been like this? “You’re old-fashioned. Just tell him that way.”

“That could work,” Bucky decides to add and he joins them at the table with a cup of coffee for himself and a glass of orange juice for Steve. Steve mutters a ‘thanks’ and accepts the beverage. “And if the letter doesn’t work then fuck him. You have us.”

Steve can’t help but smile at that. “Yeah. This kid’s gonna be spoiled,” he says this with one hand falling to the bump that’s beginning to show.

“I’ll spoil her.” Natasha enters the room and makes her way toward the kitchen to serve herself a plate.

“Her?” Bucky shakes his head. “It’s a boy. I already called it.”

“Nah,” Sam shakes his head. “It’s a girl.”

Bucky frowns. “Last night you said differently.”

“That was before you voted on the kid being a boy. I’m saying girl now.”

“Quit bickering, lovebirds,” Natasha teases and makes herself comfortable in the chair next to Steve. She lays one hand over the small bump. “How’s little Natasha doing?”

“Guys, stop. I don’t know what the baby is yet. Does it matter?” Steve asks.

A chorus of ‘yes’ fills the room and Steve rolls his eyes. He couldn’t care less what the gender of his baby was. All that mattered was that they were healthy. So far the scans had been good and none of his past health conditions decided to pop up. The baby was perfectly healthy.

“You should write that letter,” Natasha decides to switch the conversation back to the previous topic. “I’m sure Tony will want to know. You already have a bunch of pictures that he’s missing out on.”

Steve sighs and leans back in his seat. He’s definitely not hungry now. “I know. I’m trying to figure out how to do it.”

“Just say it. It’s only two words,” Sam says.

“What a waste of a letter.” Bucky frowns.

“Okay fine. Add more about how you love him and all that gooey romantic crap.”

“I don’t love him.” Those were not the right words to say. The table falls silent and all eyes fall on Steve. He shifts uncomfortably under their gaze, and with a clear of his throat, pretends to be interested in his now cold breakfast.

“You don’t?” Natasha asks.

“Nat, please?” Steve begs. He wants to be done with this conversation. Talking about Tony was too painful.

“Sorry. I guess I just assumed-”

“Just because I’m having his baby doesn’t mean-” Steve’s aware of the dangerous tone he’s using and he cuts himself off. Snapping at his friends was going to do more harm than good. He needed them on his side now more than ever. “I’m sorry. I need to go.”

They don’t stop him when he leaves, but he knows eventually one of them will come seek him out.

Steve remains locked in his room for a majority of his day. It’s better for everyone in the long run. He came close to hurting his friends because he couldn’t get his own emotions under control. He wonders if the rollercoaster of emotions was another pregnancy symptom, or Tony was just digging that deep under his skin.

Maybe both.

The thought of calling him again enters Steve’s mind, but then so does the idea of a letter. Steve was old fashioned, there was no point in denying that, and maybe it was time he reached out to Tony in a way he was more familiar with.

Steve finds his old sketchbook and one of his fine pens, then he begins to write. It’s not as simple as saying two words like Sam had said; it’s a lot harder than Steve thought.

He doesn’t mention the feelings he may or may not have for Tony. The point of the letter isn’t to confess that he misses Tony or wishes for them to start over and mend what’s broken. All he has to do is confess about the life currently growing in his belly.

It was easier said than done.

Steve eventually writes out his message, keeping it simple and straight to the point. He reads it over, huffing at his own words. It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do. He rips the paper from the book and folds it up, then lays it on his nightstand.

He’d mail it out tomorrow.

* * *

Nothing. Not a single word. There’s no missed calls, voicemails, emails. Nothing from Tony. He didn’t even have the decency to reply to the letter.

Steve doesn’t give up. Everyday he’s writing a new letter and sending it off. He waits for a response, only to receive nothing in return. It’s more pathetic than waiting for a phone call.

His friends try to assure him that he didn’t need Tony, and maybe that was true. Why should he continue to waste his time on someone who couldn’t even spare a moment of theirs? It hurt and would probably ache for some time, but enough was enough.

Steve was done.

He forces anything related to Tony out of his thoughts. It’s a lot harder to do considering the connection he has to Tony is currently growing in his belly, but he does his best. He shifts his focus to his unborn child and the preparations that needed to be made.

His friends are there to help him set up the nursery, and just like he suspected, they spoil the baby. Natasha more so than everyone else. Steve figures because she will never get the chance to experience this for herself. He lets her do what she wants, knowing that it makes her happy.

His friends are with him through all the highs and lows. They cheer him up when his emotions overpower him and he cries at everything. When he’s craving ice cream at two in the morning, it’s Sam who makes a late trip to the grocery store. They’re there for everything, and Steve couldn’t be more blessed to have them.

And they’re there for the most exciting appointment. The room is crowded with the Avengers in one room. The doctor appears nervous to be in a small space with the Hulk, but Bruce promised he was okay.

Bucky and Sam are still bickering about the gender. Natasha rolls her eyes and threatens them. That eventually shuts them up.

Then the doctor points at the monitor and says, “It’s a boy.”

Bucky smiles proudly. “I knew it.”

Sam rolls his eyes at the boasting, but he smiles at the reveal. Thor shows his excitement with a booming laugh and he rushes to hug Steve, making sure he doesn’t squeeze too hard. Bruce is given uneasy looks when he shows his own version of excitement. He promises he won’t turn green.

Natasha hugs Steve next. “Congratulations, Steve. Guess you need something blue.”

Steve smiles and glances at the screen, his eyes growing misty at the sight of his son. “Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the next chapter will have a baby shower scene and maybe it's time Tony makes an appearance. I'll update as soon as I can!


	6. Long Time No See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll with this story! I've had this story idea in my head for a while, so maybe that's it. Anyway, this chapter has some fluffy moments and then some angsty stuff because it's me and this story isn't going to be rainbows and butterflies...unfortunately.
> 
> Sorry! Hope you enjoy it anyway!

A baby shower had been the last thing on Steve’s mind. His son would be arriving soon and all of Steve’s time went into preparing for the birth and what was supposed to come next. It was scary to imagine what his life was going to be like with a newborn, but at the same time he couldn’t wait to hold his son for the first time.

Steve lets Natasha take full control of the shower. It was her idea. She knew he was stressed and not himself these days, and decided a baby shower would do him some good. Turns out she was right, and a baby shower was just the type of distraction Steve needed.

It’s bittersweet. He’s gathered with his friends to celebrate the birth of his son, but without Tony by his side, Steve’s mood dampens. Tony should be here for it all. He had missed the first appointment, the gender reveal, and now the baby shower. Though time was running out until Steve welcomed his son, he held onto hope that Tony would come back and they’d be together when their baby entered the world.

Steve wears a fake smile for most of the party. The last time he had all of his friends together like this was during the party Tony had thrown to celebrate their successful mission. It seems like such a long time ago.

That was the night everything changed between him and Tony. Their relationship was already being put to the test on a daily basis, and all it took to finally break them was one night together. They hadn’t argued or fought, for once they seemed normal, like they stood a chance of being something more.

But it was all a lie. Tony didn’t care. And Steve so badly wanted to have the same attitude, but he wasn’t like Tony. He might deny around his friends that there weren't any romantic feelings involved, but that was far from the truth. Steve did feel something.

Natasha must sense his sour mood because she swoops in to rescue him and remind him why they were celebrating in the first place. Steve forces Tony out of his mind to mingle with his friends. He’s surprised that both Thor and Clint had made it to the party. Thor was spending more and more time on Asgard, and Clint was busy taking care of his family.

It had been a shock to learn that one of his teammates had a wife and children. Fury had kept Clint’s family a secret, just like he had been doing with Steve’s. It made Steve feel better about bringing a child into his world. He knew his son was in good hands and out of harm’s way.

Clint had brought his whole family with him, which gave Steve a glimpse into his near future. He didn’t understand how Clint could have two children and another on the way. Steve was glad he was only having the one, but it was still scary. A baby was life-changing. 

He was at least grateful that he had Laura to give him advice and answer any questions he had. Steve wanted to know anything and everything when it came to having kids. The books he read were nice, but speaking with someone who's experienced parenthood firsthand beat reading a page out of the baby books. 

He needs to step away from the party and he disappears from the common room and hides out on the stairs. He leans against the railing and takes a deep breath to calm his nerves. His stomach churns and his head spins. Steve’s unsure if it’s the party that’s overwhelming or knowing in a couple of months he’d be a father.

Steve takes another deep breath and lowers himself down on one of the steps. He can feel tears gather in his eyes and he blinks rapidly to keep them at bay. Today wasn’t supposed to be about him panicking and getting worked up. He was supposed to be celebrating his son.

“I can’t do this,” he says to himself. He means the party, but deep down those words mean so much more. He can’t raise this baby alone. He can’t do it without Tony.

“Steve?”

At the sound of his name, Steve turns to glance over his shoulder, finding Sam standing at the top of the stairs. Steve sniffs and quickly wipes at his eyes, doing everything he can to hide the fact that he had been crying.

“Sorry,” Steve quickly apologizes. “I just needed a minute.”

“Uh-oh. Hormones again?” Sam grins and comes down the stairs to join his friend. He sits down next to Steve. “What’s going on, man?”

“Nothing.” Steve lies. He doesn’t miss the way Sam watches him closely. “Guess it just became a little much. These parties are just so…”

“You don’t like being the center of attention? Dude, you’re Captain America. The spotlight is always going to be on you.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, it’s just one more thing you have to do before this kid gets here. If you want I can kick everyone out. More cake for you.”

Steve laughs. “That’s tempting but everyone is having a good time.”

“Everyone but you,” Sam points out and Steve sighs. Sam shoots him a smile and wraps one arm around his shoulders. “I get it. You’re nervous.”

“More like terrified.”

“You don’t have to be. If you’re still thinking about him-”

“Not really,” Steve lies again.

“We’re still here, Cap. If it becomes too much then turn to us. If you want me to track him down and kick his ass I’ll do it.”

Steve chuckles softly. “That is also tempting. No, I’ll be okay. Maybe after some cake.”

Sam smiles. “There you go.”

“Can you help me up?” Steve asks and Sam pulls him to his feet.

They barely make it up the first couple of stairs before Steve is gasping and one hand flies to his belly. Sam whips around, worry etched on his face.

“The baby,” Steve quickly explains. “I think he just-he just moved! Sam, he’s moving.”

Sam’s hand is led to the place where the baby was moving and he smiles when he feels the gentle push from inside. “Wow. That’s crazy.”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees. His smile has gotten wider.

“I think everyone is going to want a turn.”

Steve nods and allows Sam to lead him back to the party.

* * *

“This one is from me.” Natasha smiles when she hands Steve the next present.

After Steve took a moment to calm down, it was time for presents. He told his friends about the baby moving, but to their disappointment, the kicking had stopped. He figured after consuming a little sugar that his son would be moving around again.

Steve smiles as he accepts the blue gift bag. He had already opened a few from Clint’s family. They had gifted him with a few baby outfits, a bottle set, crib sheets, and a couple of boxes of diapers. Bruce’s gift was a baby swing, Sam’s was more clothes and diapers, Bucky was simple and gave pacifiers and a shirt that said: Cool Like My Uncle.

The gift from Natasha is a fluffy red, white and blue blanket with an image of his shield printed on the front. Steve smiles as he runs a hand over the shield, already picturing wrapping his son in it.

“Thank you, Nat. He’s going to love it.”

Natasha smiles. “I figured. You’re his hero.”

Steve glances down at the blanket again to hide the tears that form in his eyes.

“You have one from me, Captain.” Thor beams, holding out a tiny gift bag.

Steve takes the gift, brows furrowing in confusion. He can’t imagine what could be this small. His question is still unanswered when he pulls out a small crystal vial filled with a strange, purple liquid. He stares up at the god quizzically.

“Thor-”

“Ah yes! It will help your child sleep. One drop of this before bed and he’ll be out like a light,” Thor explains, smiling proudly at his gift.

Steve studies the bottle. He didn’t know what Asgardians did for their young, but he wasn’t about to start following their customs. He still struggled enough with this new century.

“You want to drug his baby?” Bucky asks with a frown.

“No not drug, just put in a deep sleep, thus allowing Steve a chance to get some rest,” Thor says.

“This is some Sleeping Beauty shit,” Sam mutters with a shake of his head.

Steve, being the polite one that he is, smiles and slips the vial back into the bag. “Thank you, Thor. I’ll um...keep it for a rainy day.”

Thor smiles, seeming pleased with that answer. Then he frowns. "Why does it have to be a rainy day?"

Steve chuckles and sets the bag aside with the other gifts. There’s one left for him to open. The note says it’s from both Maria Hill and Nick, but Steve knows Nick probably added his name. He’s grateful anyway when he unwraps a car seat. He wishes they had showed up to the party, but being head of SHIELD was demanding. Steve makes a mental note to send a thank you card.

The rest of the party goes smoothly. Steve does his best not to let his anxiety get in the way and ruin a special occasion. Just as he suspected, his son wakes up and starts moving after Steve helps himself to a slice of cake. Natasha is closest and gets to be the first-technically second- to feel the baby’s little pushes and kicks.

“I can’t wait to meet him.” Natasha smiles as she rubs her hand over the spot where her nephew was kicking.

“Do you think he’ll have powers?” Clint asks. He means it as a joke, but Steve can’t help but take him literally. It was a thought that has crossed his mind. “It’s not a bad thing, Cap. Maybe this kid will be invisible or something cool like that.”

Steve makes a face at that. He can’t imagine trying to care for a child that could turn invisible whenever he wanted. “I think I’d prefer it if he didn’t do that.”

“True. You already have one invisible Stark. You don’t need another.”

That gets Clint smacked by both his wife and Natasha.

And just like that, Steve’s mood goes south again.

* * *

The nursery is finally complete and all of the items Steve received for his baby shower have a home and are neatly put away. There was only a few weeks left until he’d be welcoming his baby boy, and there was still more that needed to be done.

Naming his son was one of them.

It was a lot harder to pick out a name than Steve anticipated. He had been given plenty of suggestions since he had learned that he was having a boy. Sam Jr. was out just like Bucky Jr. failed to make the cut. His friends meant well but his son deserved his own name.

Nathanial was the next option, which was Natasha's idea. Steve considered it until Clint stole it to name his unborn son. That was fine. Natasha was his friend first.

The last thing Steve wanted was to be in the delivery room and still trying to come up with a name. Baby Rogers wasn't going to cut it.

Or baby Stark.

Steve hadn't figured that part out either.

It should be Rogers. Stark shouldn’t even be on the table. Clint had been right about Tony being invisible. Everyone knew that Tony Stark wasn’t going to step up and care for his son, so why the hell should the baby take his last name?

Steve is still indecisive. It’s pathetic.

He’s up way later than he needs to be, but the thought of names doesn’t leave him alone. He’s already dressed for bed and under the blankets with a cup of tea on the bedside table and a book of baby names balancing on his belly. He flips through each page, carefully considering the names he comes across. Some of them work well with both Rogers and Stark. But none of them pop out at him.

Steve huffs. The book wobbles and falls over when the baby decides to switch positions. Steve chuckles and rearranges the book, only for another strong kick to push it off again.

“Is that your way of telling me to take a break?” Steve asks his belly, smiling when he gets a kick in response. “Okay. I hear you loud and clear. I guess you can be nameless for one more night.”

The baby kicks again.

“Or I can look one more time? You need a name, buddy.”

Steve picks up the book again and skims through it, determined to find a name for his son before the exhaustion fully kicks in. It’s beginning to look like he’d have to figure out a name in the morning, but then he finds a name.

“Hmm…” Steve hums and reads the name over in his head, then announces it out loud. “Peter? Huh. That’s cute, right?”

Steve glances down at his belly when his son moves again. He pokes at the little foot that juts out, and laughs when it moves away.

“Sorry, kiddo. Peter. I think I’m going to name you Peter. And don’t ask about a middle name because I don’t know. I don’t even know if you’re going to be a Rogers. I’m trying, Pete. But the truth is...I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Peter rolls again, and this time Steve lifts his shirt just in time to catch the tiny foot pressing against the taut skin of his belly. Steve places his hand over the spot where Peter is currently lying.

“Okay, okay. It’s bedtime.”

Steve closes the book and places it on the bedside table, then he reaches for his tea, only to stop when a knock on his door interrupts. He figures it’s one of his friends and with a huff, he climbs out of bed.

He’s not too surprised to find one of them knocking at his door. It’s a little late, but they’ve showed up like this before. Of course that had been during one of his late night cravings. He can’t help but smile now that he gets to tell them that about the name he’s finally picked out.

But when he opens the door, he doesn’t find his friends. Tony Stark is standing in the hall.

“Hey, Cap. Long time no see.”

Seeing Tony at his door in the middle of the night was the last thing Steve expected. For months he had been trying to reach out to him, only to be ignored and treated like he didn’t exist, like the night they shared together never happened.

A part of Steve wants to punch Tony in the face and slam the door, but the other half argues against that idea, reminding him that he had wanted Tony to come back.

He should be jumping joy. And maybe he would be if he wasn’t eight months pregnant. No, that wasn’t entirely true. Even if he was capable of jumping, he wouldn’t give Tony that satisfaction.

Maybe a punch in the face was what he needed.

Steve realizes he hasn’t said anything, but honestly, how the hell is he supposed to respond to ‘long time no see’? He had written various letters and left hundreds of voicemails, pouring out his heart and all he gets is a pathetic greeting.

“Hey.” Steve finally finds his voice. He doesn’t open the door, keeping his belly still hidden from Tony’s view. It would be easier to probably open the door all the way and shout ‘surprise!’ but that wasn’t how Steve had wanted to do this.

“Can we talk?” Tony asks.

“Y-yeah.” Steve hates how shaky he sounds and he gestures for Tony to come in. He tries to wrap his arms around himself to hide the hump, but the days of hiding his belly were over. It was very obvious what kind of situation Steve was in.

Tony doesn’t appear to notice at first. He steps in, eyes everywhere else than where Steve would like them. Tony must be nervous. At least that’s Steve’s assumption.

Steve shuts the door behind him, pausing to take a breath and plan his next move. From behind he didn’t look pregnant, but he knew once he turned around, Tony would know.

But that’s exactly what Steve wanted...right?

“Listen,” Tony is the first to say. Steve still can’t bring himself to turn around. “I’m sorry how I left things...us. I just needed to step away and-can you look at me? I know I screwed up but-”

Steve sighs heavily and turns around. Tony’s eyes are immediately drawn to the Captain’s protruding middle.

“Oh.”

“Tony, wait. I wanted to tell you-”

“I didn’t know you and Barnes-I mean I guess I should’ve put two and two together.”

“No! No, Tony it’s not like that.”

“Hey.” Tony holds up his hands. “Do whatever you want. We weren’t really a thing anyway.”

“Tony, it’s not like that,” Steve repeats. “I tried to tell you. The phone calls and letters-”

“Yeah I got them. I didn’t read them because I couldn’t figure out how. I’m wishing I did. Would have saved me a trip.”

Tony moves to leave and Steve’s hand flies out to stop him. “Tony, wait! The baby isn’t-”

“Save it, Rogers.” Tony rips himself free from Steve’s grasp. “It works out right? I’m engaged now. Turns out Pepper was the one. I hope you and Barnes are happy.”

“Tony!” Steve calls out, only to go ignored.

Tony leaves, slamming the door hard on his way out.

Steve rushes to the door and his hand wraps around the knob, but he can’t bring himself to turn it. He wants nothing more than to run after Tony and tell him everything, but he doesn’t. What good would that do? Tony was engaged. He was happy.

Steve locks the door and leans against it, both hands coming up to cover his eyes when the tears begin to fall. He releases a sob, his body shaking with each one. It’s a kick from inside his womb that has him calming down. He glances at his belly, and removes a hand from his face to put it over the spot where Peter was kicking.

“Sorry, Pete.” Steve sniffs and takes a deep breath to calm himself down. “I’m okay.”

His son responds with another push from his foot. It brings a smile to Steve’s face.

“I think I’ve decided. You’re definitely a Rogers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh Tony! I love Tony Stark, but in this story...he's a jerk. I'm not saying Steve is innocent either but...yeah. I love these two...even when they do stupid stupid things.
> 
> If it helps...Peter is coming in the next chapter.
> 
> I'll update soon! Thank you for reading!


	7. Welcome To The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update? I think so! I busted this next chapter out and couldn't resist posting. I'll try to space the next one out...maybe.

“Peter’s cute.” Natasha smiles. “I like it.”

Steve nods. “Yeah.”

He sounds every bit as sad as he looks. It was crazy how he went from happy about his son’s name to reverting back into sadness. And it was all of Tony's doing.

The moment Tony left, Steve had called Natasha. He wonders if his friends even knew that Tony had been in the compound. His presence was so unexpected, and then, just like that, he was gone again. Vanished to probably never been seen again.

Steve was being dramatic, but it was true. Tony wasn’t coming back.

Natasha gets up from the sofa and disappears to the kitchen. Steve can hear her opening the fridge and drawers; she’s been over enough times that she knows where everything is and is comfortable in his space. She returns with a container of Chocolate Chip ice cream and two spoons, then she takes her original spot beside him.

“Isn’t it a little late for ice cream?” Steve raises one questioning brow at her. She only smirks and peels off the lid.

“Nope.” She hands Steve a spoon and he takes it without any hesitation. “Ice cream is perfect for breakups.”

Steve huffs. “We didn’t break up. We weren’t even a thing.”

Those had been Tony’s exact words.

Natasha nods and digs into the cold dessert. “It still helps.”

“Is this what you and Clint would do?” Steve asks and he helps himself to a big spoonful.

“No,” Natasha grins, a mischievous glint in her eye. “There probably would have been less casualties if we had.”

Steve chuckles and brings the spoon to his mouth, humming in delight when the sweetness touches his tongue. “Pete’s gonna be up all night. The kid loves sugar.”

“I want to feel if he moves. I think it’s my favorite part about you being pregnant. Oh and not to mention no more rock hard abs. You’re finally normal. Captain America is just like us,” Natasha teases.

“Not for long.” Steve grimaces and shifts in his seat, struggling to find a more comfortable position. Peter is pressing on his lungs, making every intake of air difficult. Steve blows out a deep breath. “I’m ready for this kiddo to get here.”

Natasha smiles and adjusts herself so that she’s closer, but not too close to apply even more pressure to her friend’s belly. She places her hand over the large bump, hoping the ice cream has kicked in and awoken the little boy.

“Petey, wake up,” Natasha coos, ignoring the dirty look Steve gives her. “Leave me alone, Rogers. I just want to feel him.”

“I don’t. He’s been kicking me all ni-” Steve cuts off with a groan when Peter finally wakes up and stretches. Natasha is the only one delighted to feel the movement.

“I’m not even sorry.”

Steve rolls his eyes and reaches for the rest of the ice cream, chuckling when Natasha cries out and tries to take it back.

“Nuh-uh.” Steve waggles the spoon at her. “This is mine. You woke the baby.”

Natasha huffs. “Fine. I guess that’s fair. You need it more than I do. What else can I do to cheer you up?”

Steve knows she means to make up for not only waking up Peter, but because of Tony’s visit. There was nothing that was truly going to take away the hurt, but it was nice having her by his side. She could numb the pain, at least for a while.

“My feet hurt.”

Natasha scowls, but Steve notices the smile tugging at her lips. “Fine!” She gives in easily. “But only because I love you.”

“At least someone does.”

“Stop being dramatic.” Natasha slaps him playfully on the shoulder. “Everyone loves you. Even if you can be stubborn sometimes.”

Steve sighs. “I don’t mean to be.”

“I know. Now quit being dramatic and eat your ice cream before I take it back and go home.”

“You won’t leave me.”

“No,” Natasha smiles softly. “And you better not leave either.”

“Now why would I do that?” Steve grins and offers the ice cream to her. Natasha happily takes another spoonful before the rest is consumed.

“So...Peter huh?” Natasha decides to change the subject.

Steve nods and continues eating the ice cream. He’ll regret it later, but Natasha was right, ice cream does help. And so do friends.

“What’s his middle name?”

Steve frowns as he thinks it over. He hadn’t had a chance to look for one yet. Tony had returned back into his life and turned it upside down for the second time, all in the span of five minutes.

“Don’t know.” Steve’s brows furrow. He gathers the last bit of ice cream and brings the spoon up to his mouth, savoring the taste before it’s officially gone. With a sad sigh, he puts the empty container on the coffee table. Then his eyes land on the logo on the front of the container and an idea comes to mind. “Ben?”

Natasha cocks her head in confusion. “Ben?” She repeats, her eyes following his gaze. “Like the ice cream? You want to name your son after Ben and Jerry’s?”

Steve smiles sheepishly. “Yes…”

That gets a laugh out of Natasha and Steve’s face heats up.

“I’m sorry,” Natasha apologizes when she catches the glare being sent her way. “It’s cute. Seriously. Peter Ben.”

“Benjamin,” Steve corrects.

“Peter Benjamin Rogers. It’s cute.”

Steve smiles. It was.

“Just don’t tell him he was named after ice cream. He might hate you then.”

“Shit.”

* * *

Tony becomes a blur, just another memory that Steve forces himself to forget. If Tony wanted to be selfish and move on, then damn it Steve was going to do the same. He could be selfish if he tried hard enough. His whole life he had always been putting others before himself. But things were going to change. His happiness and his son’s happiness was being pushed to the front of the line.

He didn’t need Tony for anything. He could have a baby by himself.

He’s not officially alone. His friends are there, just like they promised they would. Peter may only have one parent raising him, but he had the Avengers. And that was better.

Peter decides he’s ready to enter the world one summer afternoon during a briefing. Fury is leading it since Steve was in no condition to conduct the team anymore, but that didn’t mean Steve was going to sit everything out. He still showed up to meetings when they were held and providing his input.

Sam would be leading the next mission. He was perfect to fill in as Steve’s replacement until the Captain was ready to pick up the shield again. Steve often found himself wondering if he should pass the torch to Sam and let him be the hero America needs. Bucky might seem like the obvious choice, but Sam was special and Bucky wasn’t ready for something like that. Perhaps one day.

Steve shifts uncomfortably in his seat when a sharp pain runs along his lower back. He winces from the discomfort, pinning the blame on the chairs or the fact that he’s been sitting too long. Before pregnancy he was able to sit through hours of meetings without any issues. But now his body wasn’t the same, and he ached in places he never used to.

He couldn’t wait to be done.

The pain tapers off into a dull throb and he’s able to relax again. It’s not for long, and the pain returns, this time starting in the same place and wrapping around his belly. It makes him gasp, and attract attention from  
his fellow teammates. He waves them off and the meeting carries on.

Steve leans back in his seat, blowing out a breath now that he's made room for his lungs. Peter responds with a hard kick, aiming directly for Steve’s ribs and the Captain winces. He’d rather have his son beat him from the inside than suffer from another backache.

But he’s not that lucky and the pain returns again. He breathes steadily through it, doing everything in his power not to give himself away. His teammates didn’t need to worry about him now when they had a mission to take care of.

Steve brushes the pain off as false labor. He was at that stage and all the books mentioned it. They also mentioned that the pain wasn’t usually horrible and the contractions would be sporadic. Real labor contractions were supposed to have a pattern.

Steve bites back a groan when the pain happens again. He’s trying to time them just in case. Passages from the baby book pop into his head. He was fine as long as his water didn’t-

He gasps when something pops and his pants grow wet. He can’t look at his lap, but he was sure if he could, he’d find an embarrassingly large stain along the front.

“Shit.”

His curse is what has all eyes on him again.

“You wanna run that by me again, Cap?” Nick questions, his good eye narrowing. The man hated being interrupted, but Steve figured he’d get a pass.

“My water broke.”

Nick huffs in annoyance. “Son of a bitch.”

* * *

The pain is excruciating, possibly the worst he’s ever felt, but he keeps his discomfort to himself. Grinning and bearing through the pain was something he was used to.

Steve lets out a small groan when the next contraction comes and he throws his head back against the stiff pillows on the bed. He suddenly wishes he had brought one from home; the ones SHIELD provided weren’t comfortable enough.

He didn’t have a chance to go home and get what he needed for the delivery. As soon as he announced that he was in labor, Fury ordered him out and he was rushed to the medbay. The mission still carried on and he was left to say goodbye to his friends once he was settled in his private room.

All but one friend.

Bucky rushes to his side when he picks up on the painful sound, offering Steve a cup of ice chips the nurse had brought in a few minutes prior. Steve shakes his head and Bucky frowns.

“Okay. What do you need, pal?”

“To get this baby out,” Steve says through gritted teeth.

Bucky sighs sadly. “I know. You’re almost there, right?”

Steve lifts his head to glare at his friend, then with an annoyed huff, he throws his head back against the pillow. “Not even close.”

Bucky winces at those words. “That sucks.”

“Not helping, Buck.”

“Sorry. What can I do? Natasha says you love foot rubs.”

Steve chuckles. “Tempting. Maybe later.”

Bucky nods and lowers himself down in the chair he’s been occupying since Steve was taken to the room. He had no idea how long it was going to take until his nephew arrived, but he’d stay with Steve through every second of it.

Steve makes another painful sound and rolls over onto his side, hoping the change of position would alleviate the pain in his back. Bucky reaches out to rub along Steve’s lower back, emitting a small moan from his friend.

“Lower,” Steve instructs and Bucky does as he’s told. “Other hand, Buck. I can take it.”

Bucky switches and makes a fist with his metal hand, then he digs it into the spot Steve was complaining about the most. Steve lets out another pleasurable moan. It paid to have a friend with a metal arm.

“Feel better?” Bucky asks, adding a little more pressure. Steve can only nod in response. Bucky chuckles. “Good. I can do this all day.”

It’s Steve’s turn to laugh. “That’s my line. But in this case you can have it. I don’t want to do this all day.”

“I know. Just think how worth it it’s going to be. You get to meet your son.”

Steve smiles at those words. “Yeah.”

It would be worth it.

The bed has become too uncomfortable for Steve to lie in, and after his doctor suggests he try walking around, Bucky eases him out of bed and leads him around the room. For a while Steve is able to pace around the room, one hand holding his belly for support and the other gripping onto Bucky.

“Bucky!” Steve cries, transferring most of his weight onto his best friend. Bucky holds him up, just like he used to do when they were kids. Some things never change.

Steve cries out again and hunches forward, his head resting against Bucky’s chest.

“I got you, Steve. Just breathe. In and out,” Bucky instructs, his voice calm and soothing. Steve whimpers and clings to his friend tightly.

“I can’t do this. I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can. You’ve done way worse.”

Steve shakes his head. “This is worse. I’d rather get punched in the face.”

Another contraction begins to build, not giving Steve a break from the last one, and he cries out from the intense pain. Bucky can only hold him and encourage him.

He gives up on the walking, deciding he’d rather lie down again. Bucky helps him back to the bed and adjusts the pillows for him, making sure Steve is comfortable.

Bucky doesn’t sit down in the chair, he makes room for himself on the bed beside Steve and holds him close. It reminds him of all the times he’d care for Steve when he was sick in bed.

“I’m right here,” Bucky soothes and Steve curls up against him, burying his face in Bucky’s chest.

“It hurts, Buck.” Steve whimpers.

“I know. It’ll be over soon.”

Steve always considered himself to have a high pain tolerance. He could take the daily beatings from bullies, and fighting off aliens and Hydra was manageable. But giving birth was a whole other story. The miracle of life was beautiful, but it was the most painful experience he’s ever been through. His pain levels were being put to the test.

All he can do is suffer through it. He’s glad he has Bucky by his side. He couldn’t imagine having to do this alone.

Bucky is still lying beside him, holding him tight and encouraging him with comforting words. The pain is getting worse with every passing minute, forcing Steve to cling to his best friend and muffle his cries against Bucky’s chest.

The contraction eventually ends, giving Steve a minute to catch his breath. He finds himself dozing off, comfortable in his friend’s arms.

“Buck?” He mumbles. There’s a moment of silence and Steve peers up, expecting to find his friend asleep. Bucky’s eyes are closed but he doesn’t appear to be sleeping.

“Hmm?” Bucky replies.

“Am I making a mistake?” Steve asks. “Can I really do this?”

“You’ve made it this far and it’s been fine. I know it’s not ideal not having Stark but-do you want my honest input?”

“I think so.”

“You don’t need him. I honestly wanted to kick his ass when I found out what he did. You’re my best friend, Steve, and I’d do anything for you and this kid. I promise to protect him with my life. And unlike Stark, I’ll keep my promise.”

“Thanks, Buck. I’m just...scared. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You’re doing great, and Pete’s gonna think so too. He gets to have you as his father. He’s lucky.”

Steve smiles at those words. “I’m lucky to have him. And you and everyone else. I couldn’t do this otherwise.”

“Till the end of the line, remember?”

Steve nods. “Till the end of the line.”

* * *

Steve is aware of the agonizing screams he’s producing, but he can’t bring himself to stop. Bucky is doing everything he can to comfort him, but his attempts aren’t working anymore.

He squeezes Bucky’s metal hand as hard as he can, and bears down when he’s instructed by the doctor. The moment had finally come and he’d be welcoming his son into the world. The hours had been long and difficult, but it was called labor for a reason. But like Bucky had said, it would be worth it.

Steve eases off and slumps back, greedily gulping down air into his lungs. The next contraction is already approaching, robbing Steve of the break he desperately needs. He takes another deep breath and leans forward, bringing his chin down to his chest and pushing hard, groaning through gritted teeth from the intense pain.

“Good, good. I see the head,” The doctor announces.

Bucky cranes his head in curiosity and Steve yanks him back. “Don’t look.”

“Sorry,” Bucky mutters and makes sure he’s standing beside Steve’s head. “You’re doing good. He’s almost here. About damn time, huh?”

Steve manages a small laugh, then his face contorts in pain and he lets out a scream when he’s forced to push again. Bucky comforts him through it.

“Push, Steve! You’re almost there!” Bucky encourages him, his voice growing excited.

Steve pushes harder, using every bit of strength he has to bring his son into the world. His efforts pay off, and with a pained yell, Peter is sliding from his body and into the doctor’s awaiting arms.

The room is instantly filled with the sounds of his son’s cries. It’s the most beautiful sound Steve has ever heard. Peter is placed on Steve’s chest and one of the nurses begins to dry him off. Bucky is the one who cuts the cord.

Steve glances down at his son, tears streaming down his face. “Hi, Pete. Welcome to the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay Peter is here! And now he gets to meet his papa and uncle Bucky. Of course the other Avengers, but that's in the next chapter. Tony missed it but that's his own damn fault.
> 
> And I couldn't resist Nat and Steve interactions along with Stucky ones. I love both of those friendships.
> 
> I will update soon. Probably not that soon but soon. :)


	8. The Newest Member

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a day off...sort of. I helped my son with school and then rested when I could. I had some of this chapter complete and then forced myself to finish it and now here it is!
> 
> I guess it’s kind of a fluffy filler type of chapter. The team gets to meet little Peter 😊

He’s perfect. At just an hour old, the little boy already had Steve wrapped around his finger. 

Having a baby was the last thing Steve expected. For years he had put off the idea of settling down and starting a family to focus on being the hero America needed. The simple life was what he had wanted at one point in time, but that life just didn’t exist anymore when he picked up the shield.

But now he was granted that opportunity.

The child in his arms is a surprise, but Steve’s heart explodes with happiness and love for his son. He wishes the circumstances had been better; if the other father would have stuck around to share the moment when their son entered the world. But Tony made the choice to walk out on them, and now it was up to Steve to care for the little boy.

He’s terrified.

Steve has been up against Natzis, waking up in a new world, otherworldly beings, some of the worst mercenaries on the planet, but none of those terrified him as much as the sleeping boy in his arms.

Peter was tiny, defenseless; relying strictly on Steve and Steve alone to care for his every need. It was going to be up to Steve to make sure he was dressed, fed, bathed. It was Steve’s job to be there when Peter had a nightmare or fell down.

Steve can’t tear his eyes away from his son’s sleeping face. Peter had only opened his eyes once, giving Steve a glimpse of them before shutting them again. Steve had seen enough; he had Tony’s eyes. Another Stark trait was the dark hair on his head.

“You look like your dad.” Steve sighs sadly. He reaches out to gently stroke Peter’s cheek with his thumb. Peter doesn’t even flinch from the touch. “You’re so beautiful.”

He had been waiting for this moment. Holding his son for the first time had constantly been on his mind. Steve had envisioned it differently. Tony would be here, sitting beside him and cradling their son in his arms. Tony probably would’ve been nervous too. He never said it out loud, but the idea of kids and a family probably terrified him.

But Steve would assure him that Tony wasn’t going to end up like his father. Tony would be a good dad. Peter would love him no matter what.

That scene doesn’t play out. Steve is alone with his son.

He’s reminded that he’s not completely alone. Bucky was just outside the door. He had to step out when a message from their friends came through, but he’d return and be by Steve’s side, just like he had promised.

Steve’s thoughts drift to his team, and he wonders if they’re okay. Knowing them they would be. They were strong. They’d do just fine without him.

Maybe one day he’ll hang up the shield for good and give all of his attention to his son. Peter needed him more than the rest of the world.

“I’m going to protect you,” Steve whispers to his son. “I won’t let anyone ever hurt you. I promise.”

He seals that promise with a kiss to Peter’s head.

Steve glances up when the door opens and Bucky steps into the room. “Hey,” Bucky smiles and comes closer. “How you feeling?”

“Sore. But I’ll be alright. How’s the team?”

“Good. They’ll be back in a couple of days. Nat wishes she was here.”

Steve smiles, then it falters. He wouldn’t have his friends for a while.

“Hey, quit it,” Bucky says and lowers himself down on the foot of the bed. “I know that look.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not. I know that face, Steve. If this is about being alone, remember that you’re not. I’m here.”

Steve can’t help but scoff. “You’re going to get up when he’s hungry or needs to be changed?”

“Yeah. What kind of uncle would I be? I’m here for you, both of you.”

“Thanks, Buck.”

Bucky smiles and nods. “How is he?” He asks, gesturing with his chin.

“Still sleeping. Being born must be exhausting,” Steve chuckles. It was exhausting for both of them. Steve was ready to shut his eyes and drift off himself.

“I can hold him and you sleep.”

“Buck-” Steve tries to protest, but Bucky is already rising to his feet and opening his arms. With a sigh of defeat, Steve places Peter in Bucky’s arms. “Careful with his head.”

“Shh.” Bucky shushes and holds Peter perfectly in his arms. “I can hold a kid, Steve. I had four of them I had to take care of.”

Steve smiles tiredly and rests his head back against the pillows, grateful Bucky had gone out to get the one from his apartment. Bucky really was a lifesaver. He was the greatest friend Steve could ever ask for.

“You’re good with kids, Buck. Maybe one day you and Sam-”

Bucky snaps his head up at those words, the color from his face draining and eyes going wide. “What?”

“I know you and Sam are-”

“Whoa, hang on. Just because I tolerate him doesn’t mean...you’re delusional. Must be from giving birth or something.”

Steve chuckles softly. “Maybe. It’s worth it though.”

“Yeah.” Bucky smiles and glances down at his nephew. His smile falters and he frowns. “He looks like him.”

Steve sighs. “Yeah.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. He’s still a Rogers.”

“Unless he wants to be a Stark.”

“You’re gonna tell him?”

“I have to. I can’t keep Tony from him. And maybe when he’s older, he’d want to meet his father. I wouldn’t be upset if he ever did.”

Bucky nods and glances back down at the newborn when Peter stirs and his eyes flutter open. Peter yawns, the simple motion bringing a smile to his uncle’s face.

“Hey, Pete. Guess you’re finally awake, huh?”

The soft sound of snoring reaches Bucky’s ears and he glances up at the bed, finding Steve fast asleep.

“That makes two of us. Be good for your papa okay? He’s scared. Do you blame him? You’re gonna be a handful, aren’t you? But we love you anyway.”

Bucky’s smile widens when Peter slips one tiny arm free to grasp one of the metal fingers on Bucky’s hand. Peter must find some kind of comfort in the cool metal because he yawns again and his eyes fall shut.

And just like that, Bucky knew he would do anything for this kid.

* * *

It’s the sound of muffled voices that stirs Steve awake. He’s almost tempted to ignore the noise and go back to sleep. His body is drained from the hard labor and birth. He didn’t want to sleep for another sixty five years, but another hour or two wouldn’t hurt.

Steve groans when a hand touches his shoulder and shakes him gently. He opens his eyes and yawns. “Hmm?”

“Wake up, sleepyhead.” It’s Natasha’s voice and Steve rolls over, finding his friend sitting on the bed beside him, a bright smile on her face. In her arms is his son.

Bruce and Thor are occupying the chairs underneath the window, both holding gifts. Thor this time has chosen a more appropriate gift and he has a stuffed bear dressed to resemble him. Bruce has a bundle of balloons. There’s no sign of Clint, or Bucky and Sam. Steve’s heart sinks.

Natasha is able to read his mind. “Clint’s on his way and the lovebirds went to get some coffee. I was going to wait to hold him until you woke up but I couldn’t help myself.”

Steve huffs out a small laugh and adjusts himself into a sitting position. “I figured. How long have you been here?”

“About an hour,” Natasha replies, adjusting the baby in her arms and smiling when he emits a tiny whimper. “We got in early.”

“You rushed to get back, didn’t you?”

It’s Bruce who answers: “We just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“And we brought gifts!” Thor beams, coming over to show off the bear. Steve accepts it with a smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired, mostly. Going back in the ice sounds pretty good right now.”

Natasha clicks her tongue. “And miss out on this little guy?”

“He doesn’t sleep.” Steve tries to stifle a yawn but fails miserably. “He kept me and Buck up all night.”

“I’ll take over tonight.” Natasha volunteers just like Steve knew she would.

The door opens and Sam and Bucky step inside, both looking exhausted, albeit for different reasons. Peter had been a handful the first night. The medical staff were of great help, but Steve didn’t want them hovering. He needed to figure out how to get his son back to sleep on his own. 

Bucky suffered along with him. Regardless of the serum running through their veins, sleep was still needed, and the lack of it was putting a strain on them. And it was only the first night.

“Hey, you’re up.” Bucky smiles. He seems a little brighter now, but Steve’s unsure if it’s because of the coffee or because Sam is home. He decides both.

“About time,” Sam teases. “I was wondering when you’d wake up and show off the kid.”

“Step away,” Natasha warns when Sam gets too close. “I’m holding him. Get in line.”

“The line starts here.” Bruce gestures to the spot next to him and Sam frowns.

“I’m his best friend so I’m cutting,” Bucky says, only to halt when Natasha holds up a warning finger. “Or not. Here’s fine.”

“She has been waiting a long time,” Steve points out.

“Nine months to be exact, and now he’s finally here. You’re finally here, huh? Hello, sweetheart,” Natasha coos, smiling brightly when Peter wakes up and yawns.

She’s not the only one transfixed by his presence. The rest of the team gather around to properly meet their newest member.

“He’s beautiful.” Bruce smiles.

“He does look like St-” Thor starts to say, only to be cut off when Bucky elbows him in the ribs.

“It’s okay,” Steve assures, but he can tell his words do little to break the tension in the air. He doesn’t want his friends to act like they’re walking on eggshells around him. Tony’s name wasn’t going to be forbidden.

Natasha luckily takes control of the situation and has everyone smiling again. “He’s the cutest Avenger I’ve ever seen.”

“And the smelliest.” Bucky wrinkles his nose when an unpleasant smell wafts through the room.

“Pretty sure that’s Hulk,” Sam teases.

“That is not me this time!” Bruce defends himself.

Steve watches the banter with an amused smile on his face. It was these moments that he cherished the most. He loved his team, his family. 

And now they had a new member.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Steve doesn’t need Tony at all! He has his friends and that’s enough. 
> 
> I’ll probably show a little bit of Steve’s life with Peter and then do a time skip. Just gonna be honest but some of those tags are coming into play soon....sorry 😞


	9. Maybe One Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I’m taking it easy and I’m starting to feel better. I managed to get enough chapters written for this story so I’m ahead, but I’ll try and work on my other stuff too. I’m just having so much fun with this one 😛 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy the next chapter!

The first night with Peter since coming home is harder than Steve thought it was going to be. Steve’s thankful he’s not alone to deal with the late-night feedings and fussy tantrums. Bucky, Natasha, and Sam all volunteered to help out. Having the extra set of hands was a life saver.

They would all rotate during the night and take turns whenever Peter woke up. But despite the extra help Steve had, he was still utterly exhausted. Having a baby was hard.

Peter’s up again sometime around two thirty. Steve hears him first and groans when he realizes he’s forced to get out of bed again. He sits up and stretches, giving himself a moment to wake up.

Somewhere beside him Natasha groans and rolls over. She had insisted they sleep together, her reasoning was she would be faster at attending to Peter. Steve knew it was because Sam and Bucky took the couch. Whatever the reason, Steve was happy to have her close by.

She’s not so fast this time around and he’s left taking care of the fussy newborn. Steve takes Peter into his arms, immediately checking for a wet diaper, and when he’s met with one, he sighs and gets out of bed. He makes the small trip down the hall to the nursery and gets to work on getting Peter changed.

“Shh.” Steve shushes soothingly, not wanting to wake his friends. He felt bad enough that they were here with him and missing out on sleep. “It’s okay, Pete. Shh, it’s okay.”

He’s not as fast as he’d like to be, but soon he has Peter changed and swaddled again. Steve doesn’t go back to bed and instead lowers himself in the rocking chair to feed his son. Peter’s learned quickly and latches on without hesitation, greedily taking his fill.

Steve can’t help but wince. It was going to take some getting used to.

“Easy there, kiddo.” Steve chuckles when Peter continues to eat like it was his last meal. Steve watches his son eat for a moment before tipping his head back against the chair and letting his eyes fall shut. It would be so easy to fall back asleep, but he fights the exhaustion.

He loses the fight and finds himself drifting off. It’s not until someone is shaking his shoulder does Steve’s eyes shoot open with a gasp. One glance down shows his son on the verge of falling asleep.

“Don’t fall asleep,” Natasha says and Steve snaps his head up at her. She yawns and holds out her arms, indicating that it was her turn. Steve doesn’t hesitate to pass his son over.

“I’m so tired,” Steve mumbles and scrubs a hand over his face.

Natasha hums in agreement and moves across the room to get a burp cloth; she already knew where everything was. She lays Peter over her shoulder and begins patting him, trying to stimulate a burp.

“Welcome to parenthood.” Natasha shoots Steve a tired smile.

“You don’t have to do this,” Steve tells her.

“I want to. I love him. And you. But mostly him.”

“Ouch.”

Natasha grins. “I’m kidding. But seriously, Steve, I’m here.”

“Thanks. I couldn’t do this without you or...anyone.”

“You could,” Natasha assures. She glances down at Peter when he finally burps for her. More than just air escapes and Steve rushes to grab another cloth, grimacing as he cleans up the spit up milk.

“Sorry.” Steve winces.

“It’s okay. Clint has done a lot worse.”

Once Peter had been cleaned up for the second time, he fell asleep in Natasha’s arms. She gestures for Steve to follow, and together they make their way back to the bedroom where she lays Peter down in the bassinet.

“Thank you, Nat.” Steve curls up against his friend once they climb into bed. They had boundaries like all friends do, but he was comfortable around her. She had been his first real friend since coming out of the ice.

“No need to thank me. I told you I’m here for you,” Natasha says rubbing his arm up and down.

She turns her head in Steve’s direction when he doesn’t respond, finding him already asleep. She smiles and adjusts the blankets around him.

“Good night,” Natasha whispers and kisses him softly on the head.

* * *

There was a point in Tony’s life when he considered stepping away from Stark Industries and focusing on something a little more important. He had thought joining the Avengers was that missing piece, that importance he needed. He had never been so wrong.

Not a day goes by when he doesn’t think about what he’s left behind. He had walked away from not only being Avenger, but his team. From Steve.

Leaving Steve was one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do. It was a stupid and cowardly act to walk away from the one person he couldn’t live without. It was his fault. He let his own issues and fucked up past get in the way.

Tony had been ready to stop ignoring the calls and letters and go back to Steve, to tell him how he really felt and see if there was a chance of them starting over. But that had all come crashing down when he discovered Steve had chosen Barnes.

It was probably for the best. Steve and Barnes were a match made in Heaven. Of course Steve would choose his best friend instead of the asshole that fucked him and blew him off right afterwards. Steve didn’t deserve someone like that. He deserved so much more.

And now he had it and Tony was somehow supposed to be happy for him and move on. But he couldn’t. He wanted to call Steve up and beg for forgiveness, but what good would that do? Steve clearly moved on.

Tony had to figure out how to do the same.

His office door opens and Pepper walks in, ignoring him and slapping a stack of papers on his desk. Tony glances down at them, rolling his eyes and shoves them away.

“I’ll sign them in a minute,” he mutters and pulls out his phone, his finger hovering over a number he should’ve called a long time ago.

“When?” Pepper’s tone is full of irritation. “Before or after our wedding?”

Tony peers up at her, immediately regretting it when he catches the scowl on her face. “Okay so lying about an engagement wasn’t the right thing to do.”

“You think! We’re not even dating! Why would you tell him that!”

“Because he was having a baby with someone else and I lost it! What else was I supposed to say!”

“The truth, Tony! The truth!” Pepper exclaims, throwing her hands up in the air. Tony waits, expecting another outburst, but then she calms herself down with a deep breath and places her hands over her hips. “You should’ve told him how you really feel. Why is that so difficult for you?”

Tony shrugs. “I’m a difficult person.”

Pepper rolls her eyes. “Sign those contracts. And stop being such a jerk.”

She turns on her heels and storms out of the room.

Tony huffs loudly and slants back in his seat. He doesn’t bother signing the contracts, nor does he call Steve’s number.

He can’t.

It was time to move on for good.

“J, make sure all incoming calls from Steve Rogers are blocked. Emails too.”

There’s a moment of hesitation from the AI. “Sir-”

“It’s temporary. Maybe one day we’ll reconnect.”

“Yes, sir. Perhaps one day.”

It was wishful thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to add more Steve& Nat stuff because they’re adorable and I love them. She really was the first one he told about the baby and now she’s helping him out so much because she cares. Their friendship is so good! 😊 
> 
> Oh Tony 🤦♀️ I guess he’ll learn the hard way. 
> 
> Steve doesn’t need him


	10. Raising A Spider-Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so glad you all are loving this story! I know Tony’s a huge pain in the ass but this chapter isn’t about him this time haha. Steve gets to be with his son and move on from Tony. Tony’s missing out 🤦♀️

Peter was everything Steve needed and more. They had their bad and good days. Raising a child alone wasn’t a walk in the park, and more often than not Steve found himself struggling. Luckily he had his friends to help him when he was on the verge of a meltdown.

But being a parent had its rewarding moments. Steve never missed any milestones. He was there for Peter’s first words, his first steps, his first tooth; Steve vowed never to miss anything. He wanted to be there for his son, just like his mother had been there for him.

Peter was special, and Steve wasn’t just saying that because that was his son. Peter had proved at an early age that he wasn’t going to be like most children. Steve knew children went through some phases, but Peter’s wasn’t a phase or a normal one at that.

At just five years old he was climbing the walls and sticking to surfaces. It had scared the hell out of Steve when he couldn’t find his son during a game of hide and seek, only to discover that Peter had decided the kitchen ceiling was the best hiding spot.

Sam had been called to swoop in and save the day.

Peter knew better than to hide on the ceilings, but there were times when he needed to cool down and found solace in high places. Steve would let him cool down that way, supervised of course.

It wasn’t just crawling on walls and being sticky that stuck out. Peter was strong, just more proof that the super soldier serum had in fact intervened in the womb.

Steve had his hands full with a super kid, but he wouldn’t trade his life for the world.

Peter is eight now. More and more every day he was surprising Steve. He was smart for his age, something he mostly likely inherited from his father. He resembled Tony more now than the day he was born. It was difficult to see so much of the man he loved in his son.

Moving on from Tony was still something Steve found himself struggling with. He hated to admit. It should have been easy after all the pain Tony has caused, but he couldn’t help himself. Tony meant something to him. And maybe that was because of the child they created, but it was deeper than that.

Tony never did come by again. And Steve never called. They weren’t meant to be and there was no point in holding onto something Steve was never going to have. Peter didn’t need Tony in his life. He had Steve and the Avengers. And that was enough.

Steve rereads the words he wrote over and over again, before deciding it was enough and putting the letter away. He doesn’t know why he’s even bothered to write to Tony again when he was supposed to be moving on, but the letter isn’t just for Tony. It’s for Peter too.

Luckily Peter hadn’t asked where his daddy was or why other kids in his class have two parents and he only has one. Steve was dreading for that day to happen. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say if and when he was asked about Tony. Hopefully that time wasn’t any time soon.

With a sigh, Steve slips the letter in an envelope and tucks it away in the drawer of his desk. Maybe one day he’d have the courage to mail it off. And maybe this would be the letter Tony responded to.

“Boo!” Comes a familiar voice behind him and Steve turns in his chair, smiling at the sight of his son. Peter is dressed in his Captain America helmet and in his hands is a small, plastic replica of the famous shield.

Steve gasps dramatically. “It’s Captain America!”

“I’ll save you, Papa!” Peter declares, raising his shield in the air. He zooms around the room, pretending to fight the bad guys and making his own fighting sound effects.

Steve chuckles before joining in, chasing after his son and catching him in his arms, using his strength to lift Peter up in the air. The little boy erupts in a fit of giggles.

“Papa!” Peter squeals in delight. “Higher! Higher!”

Steve complies easily until his son is cheering from being up so high. Steve brings him back down and hugs him close, then he kisses his son on the head.

“I think it’s time for lunch,” Steve decides. “Superheroes need to eat too.”

“Yeah!” Peter nods in agreement.

Steve chuckles. “Okay, Petey.”

They don’t make it to the kitchen. Steve’s phone dings on the way, forcing him to put his son down so he can check the message. Nick’s name appears on the screen and Steve sighs.

“Sorry, kiddo. Papa has a meeting.”

“Can I come?” Peter asks, jutting out his bottom lip and staring at Steve with his best puppy dog eyes. It works every time.

“Nick’s gonna kill me.”

Nick didn’t kill him, but the look he gives Steve when the Captain enters the room with his son holding his hand could kill. Steve doesn’t even bother trying to apologize, knowing it wouldn’t do any good.

Peter understands these meetings are important to his papa and he sits quietly, not making a single sound when the meeting starts. Steve always comes prepared in case he needs to bring his son, and he’s brought Peter’s coloring book and crayons. The little boy works quietly in his book while the grownups talk about bad guys and other superhero stuff.

“Psst.” Peter lifts his head at the sound, finding his Uncle Bucky smiling at him. His uncle gestures toward the book and a crayon. Peter nods and rips out a page from his book, eyes going wide when the Director glances in his direction. He waits until it’s safe again before passing the paper and a blue crayon to his uncle.

It’s not just his Uncle Bucky who wants to color; Uncle Sam and Auntie Nat are the next ones to ask for a crayon and page to color. It’s not long before the Avengers-minus his Papa- are coloring.

Steve notices the lack of response coming from his team after he asks a question, and he sighs when he finds them distracted. He glances at his son, who smiles cutely, then to Nick. He doesn’t get a cute smile in return from the Director.

“Your team better be ready, Cap.” Nick warns before he leaves with Maria.

Steve sighs again.

* * *

“Papa?”

Steve peers up from the files he’s been reading and sets them down in his lap when he notices his son lingering in the doorway of his bedroom. Peter is holding onto his Thor bear, eyes bright with tears. He must have had another nightmare.

“Come here, Petey.” Steve opens his arms and Peter rushes into the room and crawls his way up the bed until he’s in the strong arms. Steve cuddles his son close. “Bad dream?”

Peter nods and curls up against his papa, resting his head on Steve’s chest, and immediately finding comfort in the soft beating he hears.

“I don’t like monsters,” Peter whimpers and hugs his bear tighter.

“I know. I don’t either. But I’m here to keep you safe okay? I promise no one will ever hurt you.”

“But you’re leaving again.”

Steve sighs. “I know. But it’s only because I have to keep you safe. Who else is going to fight the bad guys?”

“Um Auntie Nat, Uncle Bucky, Uncle Sam, Uncle Bruce, Uncle Thor, Uncle Clint. Iron man.”

Steve inhales sharply at the last name mentioned. Iron Man was still around, saving New York occasionally. But Steve was beginning to see less and less of him. Maybe Tony walked away from his suits for good too.

“Yeah.”

“Papa, can you stay? Please?” Peter begs, showing off his tear filled eyes.

Steve hugs him closer and leans down to kiss his head. “One day, Pete. And then I can train you.”

Peter gasps and his tears immediately dry up. “Me! I get to be Captain America!”

“Sure. You can be whoever you want. If you want to take my place then it’s yours.”

Peter thinks it over, frowning as he tries to decide. “I think you should be Captain America forever. I want to be...Spider-Man!”

“Spider-Man?” Steve raises a questioning brow. Peter nods his head.

“Yeah! Look!” Peter pulls away and stretches one arm out, his palm upward and fingers bent in a way Steve has never seen before. Then something shoots out his son’s wrists and Steve’s eyes widen.

“Pete!” Steve shouts in surprise and jumps out of bed to investigate the strange substance on his bedroom wall. He reaches out to touch it, face contorting in disgust from the sticky stuff. “Pete, is this-is this _webs_!”

Peter only giggles.

Steve huffs and wipes the mess on his sweatpants. “So...Spider-Man, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Peter’s bond 🥰 Peter is lucky to have Steve and Steve is lucky to have his little Spider-Kid. 
> 
> I’ll update soon!


	11. Keep You Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't supposed to exist, but I wanted to add some more cute Steve and Peter moments so I wrote this quickly and here it is! I'll update again tomorrow since that chapter is already finished.

“Papa, do you have to go?” Peter asks for what seems like the hundredth time. Steve doesn’t respond at first, too engrossed in the task of fastening his belt around his waist. Peter huffs in annoyance from where he’s sitting on Steve’s bed, clearly bugged that he was being ignored. “Pa-”

“Yes, Pete,” Steve finally answers. “I do have to go.”

His son huffs again. “But why!”

“Because it’s my job. I have to keep you safe.”

Peter frowns and plays with the cloth cape on one of his action figures. He makes it fly through the air, adding in his own flying sound effects. His attention is back on his papa again when Steve moves through the room in search of his helmet.

“Pete, where’s my-” Steve pauses when his son leaps off the bed and rushes out of the room. Steve sighs, knowing exactly where his missing helmet went.

Peter rushes back into the room, this time with Steve’s helmet on his head.

“Pete-”

“I’m Captain America!” Peter says proudly.

“Oh yeah?” Steve smirks. “Are you ready for your new mission, Cap?”

“Yes! I’m going to fight all the bad guys and keep you safe!”

Steve smiles. “I guess I have nothing to worry about.”

“Nope!” Peter smiles proudly. The helmet is too big for him and it slips down, covering his eyes.

Steve comes over and kneels down so he’s at level with his son and lifts the helmet up, revealing the brown eyes he fell in love with since the moment they opened for the first time.

“I think you need to grow into this,” Steve says and gently removes the helmet from Peter's head. “I’ll keep it for now okay?”

Peter sighs sadly. “Okay. Do you have to go? I hate when you leave.”

“I know, bud. I’ll be back soon. You’ll be with Uncle Bucky. That’s good right?”

“Yeah, I guess so. I just miss you.” Peter throws his arms around Steve’s neck, hugging him tightly.

“I’m going to miss you too, Petey. I promise I’ll be back soon and then we’ll do something fun okay? We haven’t been to Disney World in a while.”

Peter gasps and pulls away. “Disney World! I wanna go, Papa!”

“Then promise you’ll be good for your uncle and we’ll go,” Steve says.

“I promise!”

Steve smiles and kisses his son on the cheek. Peter responds by wrapping Steve in another hug, this time holding him a little tighter.

“You’ll come back, right?” Peter whispers, dark eyes filling with tears.

“Always,” Steve promises.

* * *

Peter was quiet. It wasn’t unusual to find the boy so reserved; he was naturally shy and only came out of his shell once he was comfortable. Bucky had expected his nephew to be talking his ear off about _Star Wars_ and whatever else the kid liked to talk about, but Peter remained silent, refusing to mutter a single word.

Bucky sighs and leans against the entryway of the kitchen, crossing his arms over his chest as he watches his nephew color quietly on the floor of the living room. He’s surrounded by a few of his stuffed animals, but it’s the newest bear that he holds close.

The bear is blue and wearing a version of Captain America’s uniform. It had been a gift from both Bucky and Sam. It was Sam’s idea to get the bear, knowing it would help cheer their nephew up whenever Steve needed to go. And Sam had been right. Bucky hated when his husband was right because it usually led to bragging.

Sam wasn’t here now to brag, unfortunately; he was with Steve and Natasha on their newest mission doing God knows what in God knows where. Maybe he should have paid more attention than coloring.

Bucky was usually the one ready to fight, but his nephew needed him. And a break from avenging didn’t hurt every now and then.

“Hey, Pete, you hungry?” Bucky asks. His question goes unanswered, just like he knew it would. Peter always shuts down after Steve leaves.

Bucky sighs and enters the living room, sitting down on the couch and leaning forward to get a view of the picture Peter found more interesting than food. He’s not surprised to find a picture of his best friend and nephew together.

“What’s wrong with his helmet?” Bucky questions, pointing out the strange hat on Steve’s head.

“It’s not a helmet,” Peter corrects and he continues to color. “ We’re at Disney World.”

“Oh.” Bucky sees the Mickey Mouse ears now. “How come I’m not there? I like the mouse too.”

“It’s just Papa and I. He needs a vacation.”

“You’re not wrong about that.” Bucky leans back and reaches for the remote to channel surf for a while. He’s bored in just a matter of minutes. “You hungry?”

“Can I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? No crust please.”

“Yep.” Bucky shuts the tv off and makes his way to the kitchen. Peter makes sure to remind his uncle to add extra jelly, and Bucky gives him a thumbs up in response.

Peter is in a better mood once he’s eaten. After that, the rest of the day is spent playing any game Peter could think of. They run around the apartment, playing their own version of the Avengers-Bucky isn’t even mad when he’s asked to be the villain, but he does make sure to punish his nephew with a round of tickling-then, they’re winding down and watching a movie inside their blanket fort.

“Will he come back?” Peter asks. He’s curled up beside his uncle, head resting on Bucky’s shoulder and eyes growing heavy.

“He always does, Pete,” Bucky assures.

“I miss him.”

“Me too.”

“Sometimes I wish he wasn’t Captain America.”

“Yeah? Who do you want him to be?”

“Just Papa.”

Bucky lets out a sigh and says, “I know.”

Peter falls asleep soon after, the movie forgotten. Bucky scoops him up and carries him to his bed, not wanting to leave his nephew to sleep alone tonight. Peter curls up with his favorite bear and Bucky kisses him goodnight.

When Peter does wake up, it’s to the sensation of someone stroking his face. Peter groans and his eyes flutter open, immediately locking with familiar blue ones. His papa is staring at him, a tired smile on his face. But it’s the bruises and blood that has Peter gasping and sitting up in bed.

“Papa!” Peter cries and wraps his arms around his father’s neck, emitting a hiss from Steve and forcing Peter to let go. “Papa, you’re hurt.”

“I’m okay,” Steve assures softly and he reaches out to touch Peter again, this time to brush away the messy strands of hair from his face. “Were you a good boy?”

Peter nods and his eyes drift toward the doorway, finding his uncle leaning against the frame with his arms crossed and lips pursed in a tight line. He didn’t seem too happy, but Peter didn’t understand or care why. All that mattered was that his papa was home early.

“Uh-huh. We played all day and built a fort,” Peter responds.

Steve smiles. “Good. Sounds like you had fun. I wish I could say the same.”

Peter frowns and his eyes roam over the purple bruise on his father’s cheek and the blood around his nose. He’s gentle when he stretches out his hands to cup his papa’s face.

“Don’t worry, Papa, I’ll keep you safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uncle Bucky is the best :)
> 
> There will be another time skip in the next chapter! Thank you so much for reading!


	12. Training Session

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you I’d update again! I swear I’m trying not to since I have other stories that need my attention but I just have so much planned for this one I guess 🤷♀️ 
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoy this next update!

There’s a tension in the room that Steve had been expecting. It wasn’t everyday that he was asking the Director if he could recruit and train new members. Nick had been ready to listen, knowing that the Captain was getting ready to step down and allow someone else to take his place. He just didn’t think it would be a fifteen-year-old kid.

“You want to do what?” Nick eventually asks, his tone dripping with irritation. This conversation mirrors the one Steve had with him fifteen years ago. Steve reminds himself how that conversation ended, and he’s hopeful this one would be the same.

“I want to train him,” Steve repeats, making sure his tone is cool and collected. Nick leans forward in his seat, letting out a heavy sigh. “Sir, I know he’s still young but he has potential.”

“He’s a kid, Cap. You think letting a teenager run the team is a good idea?”

“He won’t be running the team. I’ll train him and when he’s ready if he wants to lead the Avengers then he’ll have the experience.”

Nick nods as he considers this. “He would be useful. His abilities are extraordinary, I’ll give him that. Are you sure you’re ready to step down? The world still needs you.”

“I’m ready. I need to be there for my son.”

“Okay.” Nick rises to his feet. “You can train him, but if he goofs off-”

“He won’t,” Steve interrupts. “He’s a good kid.”

“Yeah.” Nick agrees, and Steve notices the smile tugging at his lips. Peter was a favorite among nearly everyone he came across. He had won Nick over almost instantly. The Director never admitted how attached he was to the kid, but Steve knew Nick was growing soft.

“He’ll be perfect.” Steve smiles proudly. He had faith that his son would be a great addition to the team. It was more than just his unique abilities that made Steve believe this. Peter was a smart, caring, selfless kid. He had all the right characteristics a hero should have.

“If you’re training him then I know he will be. It’s a shame you’re leaving. You’re one of the best.”

“Believe me it wasn’t an easy decision, but I need to be there for him. He needs me.”

Nick nods. “It was going to happen eventually. Hopefully I won’t need to drag you out of retirement, but if I do-”

“I’ll be there.” Steve promises.

“Good luck, Cap.”

“Thank you, sir.”

* * *

Steve is up bright and early, ready to start a new day. The sky is still dark, just the way Steve likes it. He hasn’t been on a run in a while-being a parent meant sacrifices-but now that his son was old enough, it was time he tagged along.

Peter is fast asleep, snoring softly and messy hair sticking out from under the comforter. Steve enters quietly and lowers himself down on the bed beside his son. He shakes him gently.

“Pete. Pete, wake up. Come on, bud.”

The fifteen-year-old groans and pulls the blankets further over his head. He mumbles something Steve can’t decipher.

“Pete.” Steve sighs heavily and shakes him again. “It’s time to get up.”

“Don’t wanna.” Comes Peter’s response.

“Do you want to train or not?”

At those words, the lump in the bed moves and throws the blankets off. “Yes. But why does it have to be so early?”

“Because this is when I run. Now come on.” Steve pats his son’s leg and gets up, shaking his head on his way out when Peter groans again.

Peter eventually comes down to the kitchen to join his father, still groggy and struggling to wake up. Steve shoots him a smile, getting a tired one in return.

“Why do you get up this early again?” Peter asks and he yawns.

“It’s an army thing,” Steve replies.

“I’m not a soldier, Papa. I’m an Avenger.”

“Not yet. You need a lot of training before that, kiddo. After our run we’ll go down to the training room-”

Peter gasps at that.

“-and practice a few moves.”

“Yes! I thought I’d have to wait for Uncle Bucky-”

“Uncle Bucky?”

“-but now you’re going to do it! I’ve been waiting my whole life to train with you guys!”

“Hold on.” Steve holds up a hand to silence anymore rambling. “Your Uncle Buck has taken you to train?”

“Uh…” Peter’s face heats up and he rubs his arm nervously. “No…”

“You begged him, didn’t you?”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t think he’d give in so easily! We didn’t do anything bad.”

“It’s fine. Pete, I’m not mad. I was just waiting for the right time.”

“Is it the right time?” Peter asks, hopeful.

Steve smiles and nods. “It is.”

“Yes!” Peter cheers.

“But we’re just doing the basics. I’m not sending you out on any missions-”

“But, Papa-”

“Until you’re ready enough to be out there. Pete, being an Avenger isn’t easy.”

“You do it though.”

“Only because I have to. Now come on. The sun will be up soon.”

* * *

“And then Ned was telling me about his new Star Wars Lego Death Star and I was like ‘that sounds awesome!’ and then he said we could do it this weekend, after homework and stuff.”

Steve listens to his son’s rambling, watching the way Peter’s face lights up. From the moment Peter could talk, he didn’t hold back, especially when the topic was about something he loved. It was always amusing to watch him speak and the way his face contorted into different expressions. Half the time Steve had no idea what his son was even talking about, but he found himself too engaged to care.

This time he was well aware of today’s topic. Peter loved his best friend, Ned. They had been inseparable since their first day of kindergarten. Steve had been worried about his son starting school, afraid Peter would struggle to fit in just like he had. Steve had been the scrawny, sick kid and Peter was...well, a super kid.

But then Peter met Ned and it was the start of a beautiful friendship. Ned had come to Peter’s rescue, just like Bucky had come to Steve’s. Peter had found someone he’d have till the end of the line.

Ned was a good kid. He still got tongue-tied around Steve, but that was to be expected when talking to one of the Avengers. Steve saw a lot of his own friendships in the one the two kids created over the years.

With his son distracted, it’s easy to sneak in an attack. Peter dodges it quickly, no doubt using his spider senses to aid him.

“Whoa! Hey I wasn’t ready!” Peter makes sure to take a step back in case another punch came his way. Steve chuckles at his son’s reaction and Peter frowns. “It’s not funny! I wasn’t ready!”

“Then pay attention. If you want to go out there and fight then your guard always has to be-” Steve is cut off when something sticky wraps around his legs and he’s yanked down to the mat. He lands on his back with an ‘oof’.

Peter stands above him, a smirk written on his face. “You were saying, Pops?”

“You cheated.”

“Nope. My guard was just up.”

“Where’d you learn that?”

“Uncle Bucky said to go for your legs.”

Steve huffs. “Makes sense. You better get him back or you're grounded.”

Peter’s face pales. “Wait, I can’t do that! He’ll kill me!”

“Nah. Buck’s soft. Now help me out of this.”

“Sorry!” Peter quickly rushes to help. “I’m not grounded right?”

* * *

It was going to take a lot more than one training session to get Peter ready to fight along the Avengers. He was just a kid, inexperienced and lacking any of the proper skills to be a part of the team. But Steve knew with the right training that his son would be ready to take his place beside the best.

For now, someone else would have to take the shield. Steve had always envisioned Sam taking his place until Peter was ready to lead the team. He hadn’t had a chance to sit down with his teammates and discuss what would happen once he stepped down. They knew that day was coming; Steve made it clear that he wanted to be a father first.

The moment he knew about his son, Peter was his top priority. Peter would always be the most important part of Steve’s life. Being Captain America didn’t matter anymore.

It’s after their latest training session does Steve tell his son about the plans for the future. They’re lying side by side on the mats, both panting from the exertion. Peter is talking about the suit he wants to design for when he officially becomes Spider-Man, his face lighting up the more he talks about his dream.

Steve can’t help but smile. He sees so much of himself in his son. He had wanted to give anything to join the army and prove that he was capable of doing more than what everyone around him believed. It was clear how much becoming an Avenger meant to his son.

“You really want this, huh?” Steve asks and Peter turns his head to face him, nodding his head. “It’s gonna be dangerous. Being an Avenger is more than just a cool outfit.”

“I know. I just want to do more. You always said these powers were a gift and I don’t want to waste them. The Avengers mean something to so many people and I guess I just want to be a part of that. I want to do something good,” Peter says.

“You will.”

“Yeah? Everyone is so cool with their powers and...do you think I’m good enough?

“It’s not just about our powers that make us special. You have a good heart, Pete, and that’s what makes you enough. You’ll never be a perfect hero, but a good man.”

Peter sighs heavily, taking in the words being said to him. “I hope so. I want to be like you.”

“Be better than me. I’m not perfect, kiddo.”

“You’re still the best. Even if you can be a little embarrassing.”

Steve chuckles. “I’m working on it,” he says and reaches out to ruffle his son’s messy hair.

“So you’ll be Captain America forever and I guess I’ll be your...sidekick?” Peter asks, a little unsurely.

“Not forever. I’m thinking of stepping away, for good this time. We can try living in Brooklyn, have a normal life.”

Peter immediately props himself up on one of his elbows and turns to face his father. “Are we both giving up the superhero stuff?”

“Not you, just me. I can still train you and this place will always be open, but maybe we could...take some time off.”

“Like a vacation! We haven’t been to Disney World in a while.”

“Hmm…” Steve thinks it over. “That’s true. I do like that place.”

“Can we go? Please!” Peter begs. “I promise I’ll get good grades.”

“You already do.”

“Better grades! Please! We don’t really get to do stuff anymore. You’re always so busy.”

“I’m sorry. I promise no more missions. It will just be you and me.”

“You promise?”

Steve smiles and takes his son’s hand. “I promise.”

The door to the training room opens and Sam steps inside. Judging by the look on his face, Steve knows he’s needed. Peter must notice too because he sighs sadly.

“Hey, Cap,” Sam says. “We have a situation.”

Steve inhales sharply and rises to his feet. Peter follows and pretends to find interest in the punching bags they had been using earlier. Steve knows he’s just trying to give the adults space, but his son was sneaky and loved to eavesdrop on conversations that had the topic of Avenger assignments in them.

“Can you go?” Steve asks, pulling Sam away, his voice low. “Take Nat and Buck.”

“You know I'd pick them first, but Nick says you’re the best,” Sam retorts.

“Dammit.” Steve runs a hand through his hair. “I made a promise.”

“To who?” Sam’s eyes travel toward Peter.

“What’s the mission?”

“Stark’s weapons popped up. There’s some trade going on and we need to shut it down.”

“And he can’t? They’re his-”

“I know,” Sam says calmly. “I told Nick the same thing. But since Tony’s out…”

Steve sighs harshly. “Maybe he can help. I know it’s crazy but they’re his weapons. The least he could do is help us.”

“I...I guess. It’s your call, Cap.”

“Let me make a phone call. Meet me in the briefing room in ten minutes.”

Sam nods and leaves.

“Let me guess,” Peter says and with a sad sigh he comes over, "you’re leaving.”

“Maybe,” Steve replies. “Something came up and…”

Steve catches the sad expression on his son’s face and he sighs. He rests both hands over Peter’s shoulders and their eyes meet.

“This is it. I swear after this mission I’m done. Then it’s just you and me.”

“Really?”

“I promise. When I get back we’ll work on getting you a suit.”

Peter’s face instantly brightens. “Really! I can have my own suit!”

“Yep.” Steve nods. “Spider-Man needs a suit, right?”

“Hell yeah! Uh...I mean...yes, sir.”

Steve smiles, wraps his arm around his son’s shoulders, and leads him out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not saying anything...🤐


	13. The Last Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told myself I wasn’t going to update but then I finished the chapter and thought maybe spoiling you guys wasn’t that bad...right? 🤔 
> 
> Remember those tags? Yeah...they come into play in this chapter and I’d like to apologize. But you all knew what you were getting yourself into! 😛

Steve grips the phone in his hand tightly, taking a deep breath as he contemplates calling the number he hasn’t called in years. He doesn’t know why he bothered saving Tony’s number in his phone when it was clear Tony would never be there to answer any of his calls. For fifteen years Steve had done just fine raising his son without any help from Tony. He had convinced himself that he didn’t need Tony for anything.

But now he was breaking the promise he made to himself. He hated to admit it, but he needed Tony right now. Their son needed him.

With another deep breath, Steve makes the call. He waits, listening to the rings, hoping that he’ll hear Tony’s voice. He never does and he’s forced to leave a message.

“Tony,” Steve starts to say, the name weighing heavily on his tongue. “I know it’s been a while since we’ve...well...you know. I gave up a long time ago on reaching out to you; I knew you had moved on and I tri-I did the same.

“But I need your help. You promised you’d be there if I ever needed you...and I need you now. Your weapons have gotten into the wrong hands...there’s a base in Siberia where they’re being traded; I need to shut it down, but I can’t do that without you. Take my place. Please, Tony. I’ll never ask for anything again.”

Steve ends the call. He waits, hoping and praying that the phone would finally ring and Tony would be on the other line. But the call never comes, and Steve has to fight back the tears that gather in his eyes.

“Please?” He begs to no one, his grip tightening on the phone.

“Cap?” Comes a familiar voice and Steve peers up, finding Sam in the doorway.

Steve knows what he’s waiting for and with a shake of his head, Steve gives him his answer. “He’s not coming.”

Sam sighs. “Are you really surprised? The dude couldn’t even step up for his son.”

“I know. I guess I just thought…” Steve trails off.

There was no point in hoping for Tony to show up. Sam was right: Tony hadn’t showed up the first time Steve called him and he wasn’t going to do it now. They were on their own.

“Suit up,” Steve orders without another thought.

* * *

Steve fastens his belt around his waist and double checks that he has everything he needs for the mission ahead. He puts on the helmet and gloves, then he grabs his shield, taking a moment to study it. This would be the last time he held the shield and took it into battle.

Stepping down was the best choice. He would’ve done it a long time ago, but he needed to keep his son safe. Peter was older now, knew how to take care of himself. He still needed his father for some things, but pretty soon Peter would be all grownup and moving on with his life.

Steve wanted to be there for that. He wanted to see his son graduate high school and then college. Meet someone and fall in love; start a family and be happy with the life he’s created.

And maybe one day Peter would get to meet his dad. Peter has asked a few times over the years about his other father, and initially Steve struggled to properly explain the situation. Eventually Peter got older and stopped asking. He knew the topic was difficult and confusing to understand.

Steve fastens the shield across his back, then walks over to his dresser where his compass lays and picks it up, flipping it open to reveal the picture inside. His son’s smiling face looks back at him. Steve shuts the compass and puts it in his belt.

His team is already waiting for him by the time Steve gets down to the jet, ready for their latest assignment. The briefing had been quick since the mission was unexpected, but there was plenty of time for them to discuss a plan on the flight.

“You nervous?” Natasha is the first to greet him. If she’s apprehensive about the objective, she does a damn good job at hiding it. Steve wishes he could mask his emotions the same way.

“A little,” Steve admits. He gets this way before every mission. Leaving his son behind is difficult, and for a moment he contemplates staying back and letting his team handle the job. “I hate leaving him.”

“I know. Let’s be quick then.”

Steve wishes it could be that simple. He had no idea what they were up against. He’s practically seen it all over the years, but that didn’t give him the confidence he desperately needed. Something this time around didn’t feel right.

“I’ll be on the jet,” Natasha says before making her way to the jet where Bucky, Sam, and Bruce are waiting.

Steve takes a moment to compose himself then he takes a step forward, only to turn around when he hears someone call out for him. Peter is rushing toward him.

“Papa, wait!” Peter runs faster until he’s close enough to throw his arms around his father. “I didn’t say goodbye.”

Steve smiles and hugs his son. “I thought you forgot.”

“Never.” Peter pulls back slightly so their eyes can meet. Steve doesn’t miss how shiny they appear. “You’ll come back, right?”

Those same words have been said before, and again before every single one of Steve’s missions. It was how they said goodbye.

“Always,” Steve promises and he pulls his son into another hug. “And when I come back we’ll make you that suit okay?”

“Okay.” Peter nods.

Steve ends their embrace and gives his son a reassuring smile. “It’ll be fine, Pete. This is my last one. No more missions.”

“I know. I’m just...scared.” The last word is said so quietly Steve wouldn’ve missed it if not for his enhanced hearing.

“There’s nothing to be scared about. I’ll be back-”

“I heard you on the phone. You need help and I can help! Please, Papa let me help.”

Steve sighs sadly. “Pete, this is too dangerous. I need you here. When you’re older you can do these missions but not now.”

“Please?” Peter begs. “I can help!”

“I know you can but I need you to sit this one out. I’ll be okay.”

“But-”

“Hey.”Steve places both hands over Peter’s shoulders. “I’m coming back. I promised. Do I ever break my promises?”

Peter shakes his head. “No. I guess not.”

“I’ll be back in a few days. In the meantime work on some of those suit designs.”

Those words bring a small smile to Peter’s face. “Okay. I love you, Papa.”

Steve smiles. “I love you more.”

Peter watches as his father leaves, an idea beginning to form.

* * *

The flight is long, giving Steve a lot of time to think. His stomach coils, his anxiety getting the best of him and making him sick. He couldn’t even finish the briefing and let Sam take over, another sign that he was ready to step away from this life and let someone else take over.

He doesn’t bother reaching out to Tony again. It was clear that Tony wanted no part in another mission or their son’s life. History was repeating itself.

Steve keeps himself distracted and calm the only way he knows how: sketching. He sits quietly with his sketchbook, hoping the activity would ease his worried mind. But the sketch he’s working on only reminds him of home and the person he’s left behind.

He promised Peter a suit when he got back, and he never broke a single promise to his son. He doesn’t know what Peter had in mind, but he hopes his son appreciates the thought.

“Doodling?” Comes Sam’s voice and Steve peers up when his friend approaches. “You must be nervous.”

Steve huffs out a small laugh. “That obvious, huh?”

“Let’s just say I've seen this before.” Sam grins and sits down beside his friend. He gets a glimpse of the sketch Steve is working on. “So you’re designing suits now? In that case I need an upgrade.”

“It’s for Peter. I promised him a suit once I get back.”

“Ah so it’s official. Peter’s all grown up and one of us.”

“Not yet, but close. I think a suit would be a good motivator,” Steve says.

He draws a spider in the middle of the suit and shades it in. He leans back to properly examine his work, smiling at what he finds. He hopes Peter likes it.

“It’s good,” Sam says with a smile.

Steve rips the page from his book and neatly folds the piece of paper, and puts it securely in his belt.

“Do you feel better?” Sam asks. “Ready to kick butt?”

Steve nods his head. “Yeah. I think so.”

“That doesn’t sound reassuring.”

“I am. I just...I’m supposed to be done. I promised this would be my last one.”

“Oh.” Sam frowns, then a smile spreads across his face. “About time. Haven’t you been hinting, for like, years?”

“I’m finally doing it. I need to be there for him.”

“It won’t be the same without you, Cap. No one can lead the team better than you.”

“I know someone who can.”

They share a smile and Steve just knows that Sam understands what he’s trying to say.

The chance to properly discuss Steve’s plans for the future never happens. The jet would be landing soon and they needed to be ready. Steve promises they’ll sit down and talk later.

The dreadful feeling never does seem to disappear. Steve thought he had beat the episode of anxiety back on the jet, but the moment he steps foot on the ground and leads his team through the corridors of the enemy base, the feeling washes over him like a tidal wave, the force so strong it makes him feel like he’s sinking and unable to reach the surface.

Steve pushes it aside the best he can and moves forward, using his son for motivation.

They clear the first level together and then after Sam performs a scan of the other floors, it becomes evident that splitting up was the right choice of action. They’d cover more ground and take their enemies by surprise. It was risky to split up, but Steve knew what his team was capable of.

Steve moves through the corridor, sneaking up behind the enemies he stumbles across as quickly and quietly as he can. Discovering the room with the stolen weapons is the easy part, but taking down the guards is a different story. The fights never went as planned.

Gunfire rings out through the room, the bullets flying past Steve. His shield comes to his rescue, blocking the bullets, and they ricochet off the heavy vibranium, hitting the first couple of men and sending them to the floor.

Steve blocks the man coming at him, taking him down quickly and moving onto the next. A fiery pain shoots through him, forcing him to stop. One glance at his right shoulder confirms his suspicion; he’s been shot. Steve grits his teeth from the pain and keeps fighting, refusing to back down.

Eventually he has the men down and the room clear of any threats. He checks the wound on his shoulder, relief washing over him when he realizes the bullet has only grazed him. He just needed to be patched up and he’d be good as new.

“Sam,” Steve says into his comm. “I have the weapons secured.”

It takes a moment for a response and then Sam says, “That makes one of us.”

“You okay?”

“I’ll live. You?”

“Fine.” Steve steals a glance at his shoulder, wincing when he brushes it with his fingers. The blood is flowing, but it’s not enough to send him into a panic. “I’ll live. Where are you now? I’m coming-”

A loud boom fills the base, the walls and floors shaking. Steve loses his balance and stumbles forward, one hand flying out to grasp onto the wall for support.

“Sam?” Steve asks one he regains himself. “What the hell was that?”

“Something just flew toward the base,” it’s Bruce who replies. Steve suddenly wishes he had the green guy with them and not on the jet.

“What is-”

The floors tremble again and the walls crumble, dust and debris filling the space. Steve moves quickly to grab the weapons, but another wave comes through and he sways.

“Get out of there, Steve,” Natasha's voice comes through. “There’s flames where I’m located. This place isn’t going to be standing much longer.”

“Get out, Nat. All of you!” Steve orders. “I’ll get the weapons-”

“Cap, forget the weapons,” Sam cuts in. “The point was to shut this operation down. Let this place burn.”

Sam had a point. There would be no illegal operation if the building and everyone inside was destroyed. The only ones that needed to get out alive were himself and his team.

“Go to the jet. I’ll meet you there.”

His team doesn’t protest.

Steve moves quickly out of the room and back into the corridor. The sound of screams fills the empty halls, and much to Steve’s relief, they don’t belong to his teammates. He pushes through, ignoring the burning smoke in his eyes and lungs. All that mattered was getting out.

A commotion ahead has Steve back in defense mode. He takes the first incoming men down with a combination of his shield and his fighting skills until there’s only one of them left. Steve half expects the man to drop his weapon and run in the opposite direction, but Steve isn’t that lucky and the fight continues, all while the compound falls around them.

The man points his gun, but Steve doesn’t give him a chance to pull the trigger. He grips the man’s wrist and twists, breaking the bones and forcing the gun from the damaged hand and onto the floor. Steve brings him down to the ground hard, the man’s head hitting the hard surface with an audible crack.

Steve is left panting from the fight, but he doesn’t have time to recollect himself, and he rushes through the corridor as fast as he can. The wound in his shoulder stings and his vision blurs with tears from the smoke, but it’s not enough to slow him down.

With his visibility compromised, he slams into a hard mass, only to discover too late that it was one of the traders. He loses the grip on his shield and it hits the ground. Before Steve can recover it, a fist is colliding with his jaw and sending him back into one of the walls.

The man is on him in seconds, issuing punch after punch to Steve’s face. The punches keep coming, filling Steve’s battered mouth with blood. Steve is able to shove him off, giving himself a break from the beatings, but then the man is back, lunging after him.

Another boom echoes, the space filling with thick, gray smoke. All Steve can think about is his team and if they had gotten out before the second explosion.

With his guard down, all it takes is a second for the man to issue another attack. But there’s no punch or kick.

A white, hot pain erupts in Steve’s stomach. A scream rips through his throat and he glances down at the knife plunged deep into his belly. The hand around the edge of the blade twists, causing Steve to cry out again. Steve rams his head forward, connecting it with his attacker’s and sending the man back. The knife is ripped from Steve’s body and falls to the floor.

Steve’s hand flies down to the wound to apply pressure, but the blood pours out, coating his gloves in the red liquid. Steve knows he needs to keep moving and he pushes forward, each step causing a flare of pain. He sways and backs into the wall, breaths coming out as heavy pants.

Movement catches his eye. The man from before is rising to his feet and Steve prepares for another round, but it never comes. A new figure emerges from the shadows, a flash of black and red filling Steve’s line of vision. The man goes down in seconds. He doesn’t get up again.

“N-Nat,” Steve rasps. He winces when he tries to move toward her, the pain from his wound worsening. He grunts and slumps back against the wall, his legs threatening to give out.

Natasha rushes toward him. “Steve, it’s okay. It’s me,” she says. 

“I told you to go,” Steve tells her.

“I’m not leaving you behind.”

Her eyes dart down to where he’s holding his middle, then up to his eyes again. She’s gentle when she touches him, but even her soft touch forces him to cry out. Blood spills from the deep cut above his belt and Natasha replaces his hand with her own, not caring if his blood costs her skin.

“It’s bad, huh?” Steve winces again from the pain; it’s beginning to burn.

“You’ll be okay,” Natasha assures, but her tone is off. She glances up at him again, determination flooding her eyes. “We need to go. We can make it.”

It’s difficult to carry most of his weight, but she tries, not ready to give up. It wasn’t her style to forfeit, especially when the lives of her friends were on the line. Natasha grits her teeth and pushes forward, holding onto Steve as hard as she can.

She can still hear the sound of the building falling apart, but it’s the heavy breathing in her ear that motivates her to move faster.

“Nat,” Steve gasps suddenly, and his body slumps in her arms.

“Steve, no. Don’t,” Natasha begs.

Steve goes limp and Natasha has no choice but to set him down. She curses and props him up against one of the walls that’s still standing. She’s able to get a good look at him now. Steve’s skin is white, all of the color draining from his face. He’s panting heavily, his chest rising and falling with each intake of air he takes. One glance down shows how hard he’s holding himself, his glove and surrounding material of his suit drenched in crimson.

“N-Nat.” Steve gasps and he tips his head back, hissing through gritted teeth when she touches him again.

“It’s going to be okay.” Natasha applies more pressure, hating the cries of pain Steve makes. “You’re getting out of this.”

Steve shakes his head. “You…need to go.”

Natasha refuses just like he knew she would. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Only one of us...is getting...out. Go.”

Natasha’s eyes fill with tears and she shakes her head at his command. A hand is reaching out, fingers wrapping around her wrist and she glances up, meeting soft, blue eyes.

“Natasha,” Steve’s voice is stern. “Go. Get out of here...please.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Natasha repeats.

A sound from behind them captures Natasha’s attention and she pulls her gun out and whips around, ready to shoot any approaching threats. She lowers it when Bucky steps forward, his own gun raised. He does the same when he notices them, then he catches sight of the state his best friend is in and he rushes toward them.

“What happened?” Bucky demands, dropping down beside his friends and eyes landing on the spot Natasha’s hand is resting over. There’s so much blood. “Steve, hey look at me. Pal, look at me.”

Their eyes meet and that’s when Bucky notices how dull they appear. Steve smiles weakly at his friend, then it’s faltering and his face contorts in pain. He glances down, a panicked look crossing his features at what he finds.

“I want to go home. Buck, I want to go home. Please let me go home,” Steve begs.

“You’re gonna go home, pal. Just stay with us okay?” Bucky replaces Natasha’s hand with his own, pressing down hard to stop the bleeding.

“My...my s-son. Bucky, my...my…”

“I know. He’ll be okay. We’re gonna get you out of here.”

Bucky rips his hand away so that he and Natasha can lift Steve, but the Captain cries out and they’re forced to set him back down. There’s a pool of red around him now, the air filling with a mix of smoke and the strong stench of blood.

“Buck,” Steve says, his voice low. “I don’t want to die. Buck, I-I d-don’t…”

Steve’s eyes flutter and Bucky quickly reaches out to cup his face. “Steve. Hey, Steve look at me. Come on.”

And then Steve does, their eyes locking again.

“You have to fight, remember?” Bucky reminds him. “You never back down. Come on, Steve, you have to keep fighting.”

“I-I...can’t.”

“Yes you can.” Bucky reaches into Steve’s belt, pulling out the item that he hopes will motivate his friend. He opens the compass and shows Steve the image inside. “Fight for him. Fight for your son. He needs you.”

Steve’s eyes glisten with tears and he reaches out for the compass. He tries to speak, his lips moving but no words come out, almost as if it’s too painful to mutter another word.

Bucky’s own eyes fill with tears. “Who are you fighting for, Steve?”

“Pete.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry 😢


	14. Sometimes Heroes Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that I appreciate everyone who's stuck through this. I know it's rough and if it becomes too much and you can't continue, then that's okay! I still appreciate how far you did come. That's all I wanted to say :)

Peter knew sneaking onto the Quinjet was a very bad idea. He had done a lot of stupid things during his short life, but nothing as stupid and dangerous as hijacking a mission. A mission he was not supposed to be allowed on.

But the damage was done and Peter had managed to sneak aboard the jet and hide out until he was sure the Avengers had landed. He didn’t even risk revealing himself. His plan was to hide out until the team left the jet, and then he would crawl out of his hiding space and try to help. And if it went well, then he'll reveal himself and everyone would be happy that he was there. And if it failed...well...there was hiding back on the jet and hoping they never noticed him.

It was a stupid plan, Peter knew this, but he couldn’t risk his papa going out on a mission alone. He’s seen his father do this so many times, and each time there has never even been a hint of fear on his father’s face. But Peter had seen something different this time.

The phone call was what made Peter decide to sneak on the jet and help. He knew a little bit about his dad and the history his parents had, but he’s never seen his papa call or beg his dad for anything. It had always been the two of them and that was enough. They didn’t need anyone else.

But he was sure his papa needed help now, and Peter wasn’t going to let him down. He may be young and still in training, but he could do it. This would be his chance to prove himself.

The plan goes south fast. As soon as the jet comes to a stop, Peter assumes they’ve landed, and he gives himself a few moments before stepping out of his hiding spot. He didn’t want to be seen just yet.

He doesn’t have a suit to aid him, but his father already told him the suit doesn’t make the person. Peter would just have to be careful and rely on the bit of training he’s had over the past few weeks. The voice in the back of his head reminds him that a few weeks of training didn’t make him ready, but Peter tunes the voice out.

He could do this.

Once he makes sure the team has left the jet, he crawls out from his space, landing perfectly and quietly on his feet. The ramp is still down, indicating that the team meant to be back soon. Peter steps toward the ramp, only to pause when a sound catches his attention.

His Uncle Bruce is still on the jet. He hasn’t noticed Peter yet, too occupied with the controls and the screens he has to keep an eye on. It was the perfect distraction for Peter to sneak out.

Peter rushes out of the jet, a smile forming on his face from the small victory. But he’s reminded that he had more to do than sneak off the jet.

It’s surreal being on the same mission as the Avengers. The closest Peter’s ever gotten was when he’d eavesdrop from the ceiling during a brief. His father would be furious if he could see his son now, walking into a secret base and ready to fight the bad guys.

Peter can only cross his fingers and hope everything goes smoothly. His papa would be so proud.

He doesn’t see any of his family while he explores the base, and it brings a sense of relief over him. He wouldn’t risk bumping into them and blowing his cover. That voice is back, this time to point out that he was also at risk of being caught by the wrong side. Peter didn’t want to imagine being captured. He’d just have to make sure he didn’t give the bad guys a chance to catch him.

Peter’s scared about what lies ahead, but at the same time he can’t help but feel giddy. This was his first mission, his chance to be a hero and fight alongside his family. He’d been waiting for this moment for as long as he could remember.

“Whoa!” Peter can’t help but grow excited when he steps into one room and finds it full of weapons. He takes a step into the room to investigate, only to retreat and hide up on the ceiling when heavy footsteps and voices fill his ears.

A group of men come through the corridor and into the room, speaking in a language Peter immediately recognizes. His uncle and aunt would speak it sometimes.

Peter decides to hold back. There might only be a few of them, but he’s never gone against anyone other than his papa and occasionally his uncles and aunt. They would go easy on him, while these guys would probably have him dead in seconds.

He watches as they converse among themselves and observe the weapons. Peter doesn’t understand what’s so special about the weapons, but it was probably the reason why the Avengers were called in. Peter can’t remember if this information was in the phone call he overheard.

The men don’t appear to be leaving any time soon and Peter quietly and carefully crawls away, holding his breath until he’s sure he’s out of earshot. He drops down to the floor and scurries away from the room and deeper into the base.

He’s forced to stop when gunfire rings out and he quickly pulls himself up onto the ceiling when more men appear. The bullets zip through the dimly lit corridors, striking the enemies and they fall to the floor. Then Peter knows why. His uncle Bucky was responsible.

He stops right under where Peter is hiding, speaking into his comm. Peter can’t make out the other half of the conversation, but he knows it's his other uncle. He can't help grimace from the sappy exchange he's forced to hear. Sometimes he preferred it when they bickered instead.

His uncle keeps moving and Peter waits until he’s out of sight before dropping back down. He grunts when he hits the floor and quickly wipes the dust from his jeans, then he keeps moving.

There’s no sign of his papa and a wave of uneasiness washes over him, but Peter knows his papa is fine. He was Captain America.

But then a loud boom fills the base and Peter freezes, his spidey senses alerting him of another threat. But this time it’s not from inside the walls.

“Shit,” Peter curses when the floor beneath him shakes and he stumbles. There was no way in hell using the walls as his advantage was going to work now; they were crumbling around him.

This was not part of the plan.

He’s torn between looking for his father and getting back to the jet. He decides on the first option and continues moving, until another explosion erupts somewhere in the building. His papa probably already got the team out and they were making their way back to the jet. Captain America never risked the lives of his team.

Peter rushes back the way he came, hoping and praying that he wasn’t too late, or that he’d end up killed before he even made it back.

The walls continue to crack and cave in, pieces of concrete falling around him. It’s the heavy smoke in the air that makes getting out difficult. Peter coughs when the smoke rushes into his lungs. He hacks and sputters, doubling over to catch his breath. The smoke is suffocating.

He doesn’t get a chance to properly rest, and he’s forced to keep moving when the sound of a battle fills the space. Peter moves as fast as he can, dodging falling debris and avoiding the shots being fired. He cries out when the floor gives in and he quickly shoots a strand of web to pull him up and out of the way.

The wall he’s landing on isn’t going to hold him for long and he crawls as fast as he can, relief washing over him when he spots the exit. Another boom shakes the deteriorating structure, the fear of getting caught in the rubble motivating Peter to move hurriedly.

He swings out of the entrance, flying through the air for a moment before falling to the ground and rolling onto his side. Peter grunts and rolls himself onto his back, eyes shut and chest rising and falling rapidly. His eyes still sting but his lungs are grateful for the fresh air.

He’s pretty sure he’s covered from head to toe in dust and possible bruising, but he can’t bring himself to care. At least he was alive.

Peter takes another few seconds to gather himself, then he’s rushing back to the safety of the jet, excited to see the look on his papa’s face. He wonders if his papa would praise him for his bravery.

But when Peter makes it back, he’s immediately greeted by a different scene. His uncle Sam and Bruce are there, talking about something Peter doesn’t understand. Their conversation dies suddenly and all eyes fall on him.

“H-hey,” Peter stutters under their burning gaze. His uncle Bruce looks disappointed, but it’s the fiery, pissed off look on his uncle Sam’s face that lets him know what’s coming next. “I can explain-”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Sam scolds. “You’re supposed to be at home!”

“I know and I’m sorry but I figured you guys would need help and-”

“Pete,” Bruce is calmer when he speaks, a complete contrast to the other version of himself. “You shouldn’t be here. These missions are dangerous. You could’ve been seriously injured or-”

“Killed!” Sam cries in frustration. “Jesus, kid, what were you thinking?”

“You-you guys needed help! I heard Papa saying-”

Sam shakes his head and turns away, immediately pressing his ear to his comm and speaking. “Hey, Cap, we have a situation.”

Peter huffs and plops down in one of the empty seats, watching as his uncle tries and fails to reach out to his father. That’s when he notices other members were missing.

“Where’s Uncle Bucky and Auntie Nat?” Peter asks, brows furrowing in confusion.

Bruce is the one who answers, “They’re not back yet. The explosion-”

“Is that what that was! Who did that? More bad guys?”

Bruce holds up a hand to silence his nephew. “We don’t know yet. Just don’t move from that spot okay? Let the grownups take care of this.”

Peter huffs again and slants in his seat, arms folding over his chest. His eyes drift in the direction of his other uncle, watching as he struggles again and again to get a response. Eventually he gives up.

“I’m going back, “ Sam decides.

“What?” Bruce frowns. “You saw what happened back there. The building-”

“My husband and friends are still in there.”

“I’ll go with you!” Peter jumps up from his seat. He cowers when another deathly glare is sent his way.

“Your butt stays here. I don’t need two Rogers’ to worry about.”

“But I can help! I can-”

The space falls silent when three figures step into the jet; Peter recognizes them immediately, his face lighting up at the sight of his family. But then he notices the lifeless form of his papa, his heart sinking.

“Papa!” Peter tries to rush toward them, but someone is holding him back.

“Hold on, Pete,” Bruce says, the grip he has on Peter’s shoulder tightens. “Sit down.”

Peter does as he’s told, collapsing back in his seat. He watches anxiously as his papa is led to the medical table and laid down on the steel surface. The space breaks out in a flurry of activity and the view of his father is lost. He can still hear his family talking among themselves, asking each other questions, completely forgetting that he was there.

Sam rushes to the opposite side of the jet, flipping buttons and working on getting the jet in the air. He returns a few minutes later to help. Peter assumes the jet was placed in autopilot.

“He’s losing too much blood,” Bruce says, the words bringing Peter out of his seat in seconds.

His papa is lying still, but it’s not the lack of movement that has Peter’s blood running cold; it’s the sight of his father’s blood. It’s everywhere, covering the lower half of his suit, the fabric stained a dark red. Blue eyes are still open, but there’s fear and pain in them, a look Peter hasn’t seen before.

“Hold on, Steve,” Bucky is saying, gripping his friends’ hand.

“B-Buck,” Steve chokes on the name, blood spluttering from his lips.

“Hold on, pal.”

Peter cranes neck to get a better glimpse of his father, but with the amount of activity going on around him, it’s stolen and he’s left to sit alone, wondering about what’s happening.

Steve turns his head, and that’s when blue eyes connect with brown. “P-Pete…”

Peter rushes toward his father, pushing through to get to him. Sam tries to protest, but one look from Natasha has him backing away and allowing the teenager closer.

Steve smiles weakly at his son. “H-hey, Spider-Man.”

Peter smiles back, but it falters quickly now that he’s up close and able to see the kind of state his father was in. He’s seen his father come home battered and bruised before, but he’s never seen him like this. His father was broken.

Peter slips his hand with his father’s, their fingers interlocking. His eyes roam over the wound Bruce is frantically trying to get under control. The blood keeps flowing, and Peter has to turn away.

“Papa?” Peter’s voice is quiet. Tears gather in his eyes and he has to squeeze them shut. He needs to be strong.

The hand in his own squeezes and Peter opens his eyes again. The tears stream down his face. Steve’s free hand comes up to cup his son’s cheek. Peter leans into the comforting touch, and a sob escapes him.

“Just hang on okay? Uncle Bruce is going to fix you and…” Peter trails off when he notices his papa shake his head. “Papa…”

“It’s okay.”

“Steve-” It’s Bucky who tries to protest.

Steve turns toward his best friend. “It’s okay. I wanted to go home,” he says and turns back to his son. “And I am. I’m home.”

“No, Papa.” Peter shakes his head. “He can fix you. And then we’ll go home. Please just-”

“Pete.” Natasha's eyes are sad and full of tears.

“No. No, Uncle Bruce please! Please, guys help him! Please!” Peter begs. “Please you have to do something. He’s-”

His hand is squeezed and Peter stares at his father again, another sob ripping free. The once sparkling eyes were losing their shine. Peter’s just thankful he gets to stare into them again, but he’s not ready to say goodbye yet.

“Please?” Peter whimpers and he holds his father’s hand tighter. “Don’t go. Please don’t go.”

“It’s okay,” Steve says. “I’ll always be with you. I’ll always be there.”

“But...I don’t know how to...please? I need you.”

“Just remember what I taught you. You’re strong, Pete. I know you have what it takes to...keep fighting.”

“I-I can’t. I’m not like you.”

A small, weak smile forms on Steve’s face. “You’re better.”

Peter sniffs and shakes his head. “Please?”

There’s no response and Steve’s eyes flutter. A wave of panic washes over Peter and he clings tightly to his father, bent over him and sobbing into his chest. Peter lays his head just above the star in the center, his ears filling the soft beating of his father’s heartbeat. It reminded him of a lullaby, bringing comfort and washing away all of his worries. It soothed him when nothing else could.

Fingers brush through his hair, just like they always did when Peter was upset. Peter holds onto Steve tighter, small whimpers escaping him.

“I love you, Papa,” he whispers.

“I love you more,” Steve whispers back.

Everything else around Peter stops. He doesn’t acknowledge the other people surrounding him. All that matters is the person he’s desperately holding onto. The fingers feel nice in his hair and Peter’s eyes fall shut, succumbing to the comfort. He can still hear the beating; it’s getting softer and softer.

Then it stops.

The fingers in his hair cease their movement and Peter knows. He takes a shaky breath and lifts his head.

“Papa?”

He’s greeted with silence.

The blue eyes he’s looked into since as long as he could remember were shut, robbing Peter of another chance to stare into them. The hand that he had been squeezing lies limply off the table.

And that’s when Peter screams.

His screams of anguish end the heavy silence. He clings tightly to his father, screaming and begging for him to come back. But it was too late. He was gone.

Someone is pulling him back and into their arms; it’s his aunt.

“No!” Peter screams and fights, needing to be back in his father’s warm arms. All he wanted was him. “Please! No!”

“It’s okay,” Natasha soothes. Her own eyes are full of tears. She hugs her nephew tighter and his fighting stops. He clings to her instead. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay.”

But nothing was okay. Nothing would ever be the same again. His father was gone.

Sometimes heroes die. And Peter lost his.


	15. After Shock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you for all of the lovely comments. I know this story is rough and probably not what you’re expecting, but I want to thank you all for pushing through this with me. The support means a lot ❤️❤️❤️

It hasn’t sunk in yet. Peter tells himself it’s all been a terrible nightmare and to end it he just needs to wake up, but he can’t. No matter how hard he tries, he’s left to suffer through the worst pain of his life. Nothing compared to the loss of his father, his hero.

The tears keep streaming down his face and he has to fight the urge not to scream at the sight of the casket. He shuts his eyes, praying to wake up, to be saved from this torment. 

Someone is touching him, and his eyes shoot open, a few tears escaping now that they’ve been given an opportunity. He turns toward the figure standing beside him, meeting the soft green eyes of his aunt. She wraps her arm around his shoulder, and he clings tightly to her.

A few feet away is his uncles, both in a similar position. For all his fifteen years, Peter has rarely seen his uncle Bucky cry. He was always strong, never backing down from anything and ready to stand up and fight. But now he wasn’t himself. He was broken.

It’s Sam who comforts him when Bucky releases a sob. He pulls him into his arms, whispering something Peter can’t quite hear from where he’s standing. Peter eventually turns away, his gaze straight ahead on the wooden casket and American flag spread out neatly over the top. He can’t look for long and he turns away.

At the end of the service, the flag is neatly folded up and given to Peter. He nods at the soldier who presents it to him, and more tears run down his face. He takes a breath to calm himself, hating how shaky it comes out.

He couldn’t do this. He shouldn’t even be here. His father should still be alive and together they’d be back at the compound. It was a cloudy day, perfect for cuddling up on the sofa and watching movies. It’s something they always did on days like this. But instead of watching a movie, Peter is watching his father be buried.

This time he does sob and Natasha quickly pulls him into a hug. He holds onto her tightly, burying his face in her chest and releasing all the sobs he tried to contain. No one even bats an eye at his behavior. They understood the pain that came with losing one of their own. But none of them would hurt more than him. They had lost a friend, a brother, a hero. But Peter lost a parent. The only parent he had.

He was alone.

After the service, only a few stay behind. Peter finally finds the courage to approach the casket and he reaches out, running his hand over the smooth wooden surface.

“Please come back,” Peter whispers. He doesn’t know how many times he murmured those three words. He had done it that night on the jet, and again all the other nights following. He’d probably be saying them for the rest of his life.

Peter flinches when someone joins him and he peers up, finding his uncle Bucky beside him.

“Hey, kiddo.” Bucky places a hand over his nephew’s shoulder and squeezes it gently. “I’m sorry.”

Peter’s tired of hearing those words. Everyone was sorry for him and his loss, but those weren’t the words he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear that this was just a nightmare, that his papa was still alive.

Peter can only nod his head.

“I wish I did more,” Bucky says, a shaky breath escaping him. He’s crying again. “If I just would’ve...he’d still be here.”

“It’s not your fault,” Peter murmurs. And honestly it wasn’t. The team had done their best; Peter would never blame them. He blames himself. He should’ve stayed in the base and helped. He should’ve begged harder for his father to stay behind.

Bucky sniffs and places out a hand to touch the casket. “I’m gonna miss you, pal. Till the end of the line.”

It’s Peter’s turn to offer comfort. He hugs his uncle tightly, his ears filling with the sounds of Bucky’s cries.

“It’s okay,” Peter tries to soothe, but it’s a lie. Nothing was okay. Nothing would ever be the same.

Their lives were changed forever.

* * *

Peter was sure he’d be glad to be back at the compound, but the moment he steps inside, his eyes fill with tears and his legs threaten to give out. If not for his aunt he’d probably be on the floor.

He doesn’t go up to the apartment; it wouldn’t be home anyway, and he follows the team into the communal room. The reception following the service was worse than being at the cemetery. Peter didn’t want to mingle and hear everyone’s condolences. He just wanted to be left alone.

But he stays, making sure he doesn’t interact for long. He sits down on one of the sofas, the world around him blurring. If only the pain would do the same.

Peter does his best to force a smile and accept the condolences given to him. He’s happy to have all of the Avengers gathered; it’s been years since they’ve been together like this. Peter just wishes it had been for a different occasion. Maybe Christmas or New Years. Not a funeral.

Eventually he can’t take it anymore and he rushes out of the room, thankful no one follows him. He runs down the stairs and takes the elevator until he’s at the main doors. It’s already raining, but he doesn’t care and he runs outside.

He loosens the tie around his neck, freeing himself from the restriction and gulping down air into his lungs. His stomach hurts and he wants to throw up. Now that he’s alone, he lets it all out.

Peter stares up and screams at the darkened sky. The rain falls on his face, but he doesn’t care. He screams until his throat burns, until his lungs beg for air.

With a sob he drops to his knees, unable to stand anymore. He doesn’t care that the rain is pouring harder now, drenching his suit, a shiver running through him and bones aching from the cold. None of it mattered.

“Please come back,” he finds himself muttering those same three words. “Please.”

Someone is approaching him, but Peter can’t bring himself to look. A part of him wants to tell them to go away, but the words never form.

“Pete,” Sam says, his voice soft. He steps toward the hunched over figure, and with a sigh, placing his hand over the kid’s shoulder. “I’m-”

“Don’t,” Peter says. “Don’t say it.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“That he’s not really gone. That this isn’t real.”

Sam sighs again and sits down beside his nephew. “I wish I could. I’d give anything to go back and change the way things went down that night.”

“You didn’t know.”

“And neither did you.”

“I should’ve done something!” Peter snaps and shrugs his uncle off. “He’s dead! He’s dead and it’s all my fault! If I would’ve just done something right...he’d...he’d be here. I screwed up.”

“Pete, you didn’t screw up. Well, maybe being a stowaway wasn’t your best move, but what happened isn’t because of you. He just...he…”

“Why didn’t he try harder?” Peter asks, looking up at his uncle. “He-he always came home. Every single time he left he always came back. He promised. Why didn’t he try hard enough? Why did he give up?”

“He didn’t, Pete. He fought so hard. He fought for you.”

“He should’ve fought harder.”

“I’m so sorry. I know that’s not what you want to hear but I’m sorry.” Sam reaches into his pocket and hands Peter a folded piece of paper. “He wanted you to have this.”

Peter grips the paper tight and crumples it in his hand. Sam pats his shoulder again, then he rises to his feet and goes back inside.

Peter’s curiosity grows and he opens his hand, only to close it again when the rain dampens the paper. He quickly stands and rushes back inside before the rain completely destroys the paper.

He opens it with shaky hands, his breath hitching at the sketch he finds. It’s of his suit...the one they were supposed to design together. Peter releases a small sob and carefully runs a finger over the black spider in the center of the suit.

“I’ll make you proud, Papa,” he whispers. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor baby 😭 Unfortunately it’s going to hurt for a while. But at least Peter still has the rest of his family to help him. 
> 
> Maybe it’s time Tony came back...


	16. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I finally got around to updating this one. I’m off today so probably that’s why. I started the next chapter at work so maybe I’ll have that up this weekend 🤞 
> 
> Hope you all are doing well! ❤️

The Avengers gather in the common room, just like they’ve done countless times before. Only this time it’s not to discuss assignments, celebrate victories, holidays, or just to laze around on their day off. There were no smiles, laughter or conversation of any kind. The room is silent. 

Out of all the times they’ve gathered in this room, none of them ever imagined it would be after burying one of their own. The day had been one of the most difficult any of them have ever had to endure. It didn’t even compare to the grueling missions they’ve had in the past.

Captain America was a legend; a hero. He was a symbol. He stood up against the bullies. He fought hard for his country and the people that needed someone to look up to. He was a soldier, an Avenger. But to others he was more than that.

Steve Rogers was a friend, a brother, and more importantly, a father. Steve was selfless, ready to risk everything for his friends and family. And just like his alter ego, he was brave and ready to stand up for what he believed in.

He sacrificed everything until the very end.

No one speaks. If they have something they want to say, it gets lost and the silence wins out. What could they say? Steve was gone and he wasn’t coming back.

Natasha looks around at the sullen faces of her family. The loss of Steve was great amongst all of them. He was an important piece to their family, the glue that kept them together. He was their leader. Their Captain.

The pain was excruciating, but it was evident that it was impacting others a little more. Bucky is silent, just like he has been ever since the night he lost his best friend. At the funeral he had finally let out his emotions, but it was obvious he was still holding back.

Sam is there beside him, holding his hand and rubbing a thumb over his knuckles to soothe him. Natasha was grateful Bucky had Sam. Bucky would probably crumble completely if not for him.

Toward her left, Bruce and Thor are sitting beside each other, both silent. Clint is hanging off the sofa beside Natasha, his hand on her shoulder. He squeezes it every few minutes. She’s grateful he’s here. She wouldn’t be able to function without him.

The armchair is the only empty spot. And probably always will be. It was Steve’s spot.

Natasha glances down at her lap, noticing that the fingers she had in the messy brown hair had ceased their movements. Peter doesn’t mind; he’s already asleep. The day had been the hardest for their youngest member. They had to bury a friend, but he had to bury a father.

Natasha’s eyes well with tears and she lets out a shaky breath. Clint squeezes her shoulder again, reminding her that he was still there. She smiles sadly up at him.

“Is the kid asleep?” Clint asks, his voice raspy. The sound of his voice captures everyone’s attention and all eyes fall on the sleeping boy in Natasha’s lap.

“Yeah,” Natasha replies and peers down, smoothing back some of the dark strands. “He needs it.”

“I gave him the sketch,” Sam says, and everyone glances in his direction. “I...I figured now would’ve been a good time. He needed something positive today.”

“He needs his father,” Bucky states. No one disagrees.

“What about Tony?” Bruce asks and glances around at his friends. “Did anyone see him today?”

Everyone shakes their heads.

“I thought he would’ve-”

“Why would he?” Bucky interrupts Bruce. “He hasn’t bothered to show up before. Why would he now?”

“Stop,” Sam tries to defuse his husband’s anger with a calm voice and a squeeze of his hand.

Bucky scoffs and rips his hand away. He was finally letting it out.

“He should come back,” Thor decides to speak. “His son needs him.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying for 15 years,” Sam says sadly.

“We should let Peter decide.” Natasha knows she’s not on the same page as everyone else, but truth be told, it was Peter’s decision. “Steve always said if Peter wanted to meet him then he should.”

“I swear to God if he comes back I’ll kill him.” Bucky is seething.

“Stop,” Sam says again, this time a little firmer. “You’re upset and I get that, but threatening to kill the kid’s last parent is wrong.”

“Fine. Then I’ll punch him. Punch him until he feels like how my best friend felt for the past 15 years!”

Sam sighs and takes Bucky’s hand back into his own. It doesn’t completely calm him, but it quiets him down again.

“So what now?” Clint asks again before they’re left in more silence. “Who’s taking the shield?”

It should be obvious that the next person to wield the famous shield should be Sam, but judging by his face, he’s ready to pass on it. He thinks back to that last real conversation he had with his friend. Steve was going to retire and pass the shield to him. Maybe then, at that moment, Sam would’ve accepted his new role. But he can’t do that now. It doesn’t feel right.

“Peter should,” Sam finally responds to the question. “I don’t want to take that away from him too. Steve would’ve given it to him.”

“He’s still too young. He can’t lead us-” Clint starts to say, only for Bucky to cut him off.

“Why are we talking about this now? We just buried him and you’re already asking about the fucking shield!”

“Buck-” Sam begins but he too gets snapped at.

“Don’t!” This time Bucky rises to his feet and takes a few steps away from the sofas. “Don’t try and make it better because you can’t. He’s gone. He might be your leader but he was my best friend, and I was ready to follow him before any of you.”

Bucky storms off. No one goes after him, knowing he needed some time to calm down.

Sam sighs and leans forward in his seat, clasping his hands together. “He’s right. This isn’t the time to discuss replacements. If Peter wants to eventually take Cap’s place then great. And if he wants to meet Tony...I guess that’s okay too.”

Natasha nods and continues to play with Peter’s messy hair. It was something that Steve always did to soothe him as a kid. Whenever he was scared or sick, this would be the only thing to calm him down. She could never replace Steve, but she’d do her best to always be there for her nephew.

“I need to move him. He can’t sleep here again,” she says. Peter has refused to sleep in his own bed; he won’t even step foot in his apartment. She doesn’t blame him.

“He can stay with us…” Sam trails off and he sighs again. “Dammit, I don’t know. I guess we need to ask him who he wants to live with too.”

“That’s not right,” Bruce says and he takes off his glasses to rub at his eyes. “This kid doesn’t deserve any of this.”

“Yeah well blame Stark.” Clint rolls his eyes and gets up from the couch. “It’s his damn fault.”

“He wasn’t there for the mission,” Natasha reminds.

“Exactly! He should’ve been there!” Clint cries. “Wasn’t it his own damn weapons that made you guys go?”

When no one responds, he sighs and asks, “Why didn’t he call me? Why did he call Stark and not me?”

“You really think he would’ve pulled you away from your retirement?” Natasha asks softly. “He knew you had too much to lose.”

Clint curses and slams his fist down on the kitchen counter. “And what about him?” He gestures to the sleeping boy. “Wasn’t he more important?”

“Steve wouldn’t have gone if it wasn’t important,” Bruce says.

“More important than his son!” Clint yells.

This time Peter stirs and the room falls silent again. Dark eyes flutter before opening and staring straight ahead. Natasha continues to rub his head.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” She smiles down at him. Peter yawns and sits up to stretch, his hair is even messier than before.

“How long was I asleep?” he asks and yawns again.

“It doesn’t matter,” Sam says. “Do you want to stay with Bucky and I or…”

“Huh? Oh yeah. Yeah, I guess that’s fine. I need clothes but…” Peter trails off sadly.

“I might have something. Come on, Pete.” Sam rises to his feet. “Let’s get you to bed. It’s been a long day.”

“So it wasn’t a dream. He’s really…” Peter’s eyes land on the empty chair, his heart sinking.

“We can talk in the morning,” Natasha says and she kisses him goodnight.

Peter waves his goodbyes to the rest of the team. He doesn’t let them know he heard a bit of their conversation.

When Peter enters his uncle’s apartment, he’s not surprised to find his other uncle crying. Realizing he’s been caught, Bucky quickly wipes his eyes and stands up from the couch to greet his husband and nephew.

“Hey, Pete. I didn’t know you were…” Bucky trails off and glances at his husband, searching for an explanation.

“He’s staying the night,” Sam explains.

“Okay. Yeah. Stay...stay however long you want. You know this is your home too.”

Peter smiles and nods his head, then he follows Sam down the hall and toward the extra bedroom. He hadn’t been over in some time, but the room still looked the same. The only difference was that it was a bit messier than the last time.

“Ignore this. Bucky and I were...figuring things out.” Sam immediately begins picking up around the room. Peter’s brow raises when he notices a small pile of baby items. He recognizes a few of his old baby stuff mixed in.

“Are you guys having a baby?” he asks.

“Were. We were having a baby.”

“What happened?”

“It’s nothing. Let me grab you some clothes okay?”

Peter nods and his uncle leaves the room. With a huff Peter collapses on the bed. Sleep beckons him, but just like previous nights, he knows he won’t be getting any. The nightmares never leave him alone.

Sam returns a few minutes later with clothes that are much too big but Peter accepts them with a smile.

“Let us know if you need anything okay?” Sam says.

“Okay.”

Sam smiles softly. “Night, Pete.”

“Night.” Peter smiles back.

The door shuts behind his uncle. Peter dresses quickly, fighting with the t-shirt that he assumes belongs to his uncle Bucky. It’s too large around his small frame but it beats the suit he was forced to wear for most of the day.

He lies in bed, mind racing and playing back that horrible night. No matter how much he tries to think of the happy times, he’s left to relive the time his world changed forever.

Peter shuts his eyes, but that only makes the image more vivid. He can still see his father on the table, covered in blood and struggling to fight. Tears well in his eyes and Peter squeezes them tighter, praying that the scene would end.

It never does.

Peter blinks his eyes open, his lashes sticking together from the wetness that coats them. He sniffs and wipes at his eyes, but it’s not enough. More tears escape and stream down his face.

“I’m sorry,” Peter whispers into the darkness. “I’m sorry. I should’ve…”

Muffled voices fill his ears and he strains them to listen. He can easily pick up the fight that’s currently going on just down the hall. They’re arguing about the shield again and...his dad.

Peter couldn’t care less about his dad. Well...maybe that wasn’t entirely true. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t think about him and wondered what it would be like if he was in his life. Maybe his life would be different, but Peter would never entertain the idea of two parents for long. He had his papa and that had been more than enough.

But now he had no one. His papa was gone.

An idea pops into his head. He immediately argues with himself over it, trying to convince himself that it was a stupid idea. Maybe even worse than being a stowaway.

But his papa always told him if he wanted to meet his dad then he should. His papa would never be mad if he did.

“Papa,” he whispers into the darkness again. “should I...it’s dumb and...I don’t know. Should I find him?”

He’s greeted with silence.

“I wish you were here to tell me what to do. What do I do? I need...I just need to know that it’s okay.”

With a shaky breath, Peter rolls over and shuts his eyes, soft sobs ripping through him. Maybe it’s his imagination, or maybe his grief has conjured it up, but he swears he feels fingers brushing through his hair.

It soothes Peter to sleep. Just like it always does.


	17. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you for all the lovely comments, kudos and for reading this story. It means so much!

Peter doesn’t tell anyone about the idea to meet his dad. They haven’t said it to his face, but he knows how they feel about him. He’s heard the fighting between his family and between them and his father. His dad was not well liked among their small family. And Peter understood why.

He doesn’t know all the details, but he knows enough. He knows about the fallout his parents had and the big decision his papa made to keep him and raise him. He knows that his dad is Iron Man and is some billionaire hotshot that resides in Manhattan. He knows his dad had walked out on them and never bothered to even try and be a dad.

Peter knew all the bad stuff, which is why he had held off on meeting his dad. He didn’t feel it was necessary when he had a father that loved him unconditionally and was there for every single aspect of his life. His papa was enough and they were happy.

But Peter knew how broken up his papa was. His father was good at wearing a mask and pretending that he was fine, but as Peter got older, he started to see the mask crack and break apart. Whenever he asked, his papa always assured him that he was fine, but deep down Peter knew his father was hurting.

The idea to find his dad and meet him doesn’t leave Peter alone. It gnaws at him. He’d give anything to have his father to guide him.

He’s reminded that he’s not entirely alone. He still had the rest of his family, so he decides to test the waters.

When Peter decides to venture out of the guest room, he’s greeted with silence. He pokes his head out of the room and into the hall, expecting to hear some kind of activity, but he’s left with only more silence.

Peter heads into the living room and that’s where he finds his uncle Bucky. He’s sitting hunched over on the couch, crying. The sobs he makes are quiet, almost as if he didn’t want anyone to hear them.

Peter slowly approaches, fidgeting with the t-shirt that keeps sliding down his shoulder. His uncle snaps his head up, revealing swollen, inflamed eyes.

“Hey, Pete.” Bucky quickly wipes at his eyes. “What are you doing up so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Peter replies and he sits down beside his uncle. His eyes land on the dog tags in his uncle’s hand. Peter had given them to him after his father died. His uncle deserved it more than anyone else. “I miss him.”

Bucky looks up at him and grips the tags a little tighter. “Me too.”

“Where’s Uncle-” Peter pauses when his hair is ruffled and he turns, finding the person he had been asking about.

“Guess your spidey senses aren’t working today, huh?” Sam teases.

Peter forces a small smile. “Something like that.”

“You’d be off too if…” Bucky stops himself and takes a deep breath. “Never mind. Anyone hungry?”

Peter wants to decline; he’s not even hungry, but he doesn’t want to leave his uncles just yet. He enjoyed staying over. They bickered sometimes but his papa always told him it was what married couples do.

Breakfast is quiet. Peter picks at his food, moving around the eggs with his fork until they’re on the opposite side of the plate. One glance around shows that he wasn’t the only one not hungry this morning. The only thing his uncle Sam had consumed was the coffee; his uncle Bucky hadn’t touched anything.

“Pete,” Sam breaks the silence first. “You know you can stay here anytime, right?”

Peter nods. He knows exactly where this is going.

“The spare bedroom is open if-”

“What about the baby?” Peter asks. He doesn’t miss the way his uncle Bucky tenses and grips his fork a little tighter. “Uh I mean...you know I don’t want to...be in the way.”

“You won’t,” Sam assures.

“Okay…” Peter glances down at his barely touched breakfast. He can almost hear his papa telling him to eat. He hated when food was wasted, probably because he grew up with barely anything. Peter sighs and gathers a bit of egg on his fork.

He doesn’t want to talk about who he’s going to live with. It was a big decision, one he never imagined he’d have to make. He should be deciding on college, a summer job, or what he wants for lunch. Not new parents.

Unless his dad came around…

“I heard you guys talking last night,” Peter says, and he nervously glances at his uncles.

Sam sighs. “I had a feeling. You always love to eavesdrop. Okay spill it. What did you hear? All of it, or just parts?”

“Parts. I don’t know yet about the shield. That was his and I’m not...I’m not him.”

“Makes sense. He was the only one who could pull off the spangled look,” Sam jokes.

Bucky actually smiles. It’s small, barely even a hint of one, but Peter catches it. Sam does too and he reaches for his husband’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I also heard about...my dad.” Peter winces, waiting for the yelling to start. There’s only silence. It’s worse than yelling.

Bucky inhales sharply and stabs his fork into the eggs. “And?”

“And I guess...I don’t know maybe I can...meet him…”

Sam and Bucky share a look, then Sam turns to Peter and says, “Are you sure?”

“Yes?” Peter knows he doesn’t sound sure. “I mean...he’s my dad.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Bucky grumbles.

Peter slants back in his seat. “I’m just...curious.”

“If you want my opinion-” Bucky says and Peter has to fight the urge to roll his eyes. “-then I wouldn’t even bother with him. He’s just a waste of time.”

Bucky gets up from the table, abandoning breakfast and disappearing down the hall. The bedroom door slams shut.

Peter sighs. “I’m just curious about him, that’s all.”

“I know.” Sam nods. “Bucky just...you understand why he’s upset right?”

“Because he’s grieving? I lost him too.”

“Just give him some space. I’m not going to tell you not to bother with your dad; that’s entirely up to you and I don’t have a say.”

“Yeah.” Peter sighs.

“But if you do want to meet him, talk to me or Nat or anyone but Buck. He’ll...it’s going to take some time for him to come around.”

Peter nods. “Okay.”

The conversation is dropped and they’re once again in silence. Peter is only able to take a couple of bites before he gives up entirely on breakfast.

He decides he needs a little space of his own, and luckily his uncle doesn’t protest.

Returning to his apartment is difficult. The moment he opens the door, a wave of sadness washes over him. Everything is exactly the same, nothing has been touched, just the way he wanted it.

A shaky breath leaves him when he steps inside. He glances toward the kitchen, remembering all the meals they prepared together. A lot of the time it failed, but it didn’t matter because it was a chance for them to be together and have fun.

The living room is another painful reminder that they wouldn’t have another chance to watch movies together. It was something they did after Steve would come home from missions or during any of his days off. Peter’s favorite thing was to show his papa all the movies he might have missed.

Peter’s eyes fill with tears and he forces himself to look away and make his way toward his bedroom. He can’t bring himself to go into his papa’s room.

Peter starts packing a bag of clothes and other items he was going to need. He didn’t know who he was going to stay with, but anywhere was better than his own apartment. It was too painful.

On his way out, he can’t help but stop by his father’s office. The door is slightly ajar and he finds himself pushing it the rest of the way and stepping inside. Just like the rest of their home, the space is immaculate. Peter’s almost afraid him being in the room would somehow disrupt how his papa left it, but he can’t help but want to stay a little longer.

He approaches the desk and sits down in the chair, a heavy sigh leaving his lips. His eyes are immediately drawn to the first drawer and he slides it open, his vision blurring at the sight of the sketchbook inside.

The cover is worn out from years of use and the damage it sustained from the latest mission. It was too hard to look at it and all the images inside, so it was Peter’s decision to put it back where it belonged. He changes his mind now and flips through it, smiling at the sketches he finds.

Something inside the desk drawer catches his eye and his brows furrow. There’s two envelopes inside, one with his name scribbled on one and his dad’s on the other. Peter takes both. He doesn’t open the one for his dad, and a part of him is afraid to open the one for him, but his curiosity beats the fear and he tears into the envelope.

_Peter,_

_I had wanted to wait until you were older before I told you about your other father, but you’re a smart kid and I knew you would eventually figure it out. You would ask me so many questions, and though I struggled to answer them truthfully, I knew I couldn’t keep any secrets from you. You deserve to know about him. By the time you read this I may have already answered a few of your questions, but I know there’s still more you want to know. I wish I knew why your dad left, but just know it was never because of you. I screwed up. I should’ve done more, and I’m sorry. I hope the life I’ve given you has been enough. But if you’re ever curious, don’t hesitate to ask me anything. I don’t want to keep you in the dark. If there’s ever a day when you want to meet your dad, don’t feel like I won’t approve, because I do want you to know who he is. I never knew my father, and I’d give anything to spend one day with him. You should have that too. I hope you know how much you mean to me. I love you more than you could ever imagine. I’m proud of you and I know one day you’re going to do great things._

_Love always,_

_Papa_

Peter hasn’t even registered the tears in his eyes until small drops of water land on the letter. He quickly tries to wipe them away and not smear the ink. He reads over it again and again and again until he’s sure it’s embedded in his mind. It was all he had left.

It’s also the last push he needed. He wanted to meet his dad and find out what he was really like. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy and just deserved a chance. Peter believed in second chances. And maybe his dad needed one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Peter. I don't blame him for being curious about Tony. I swear their interaction is next. I already started the chapter so hopefully I should have it up tomorrow!


	18. Mr. Stark

Peter finds himself jumping between staying with his aunt and Uncle Sam and Bucky. The decision to pick just one household hasn’t been made yet, not when it was too difficult to make. Peter loved his aunt and uncles, and no matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t replace what he lost. He appreciated their effort to try and fill the empty space. They were doing their best to make sure he was happy, but it was evident they were struggling to wear a brave face.

A part of Peter almost feels guilty for wanting to seek his dad out. He often found himself questioning if it would be worth it. His dad hadn’t bothered to reach out in 15 years. The only family Peter had was the Avengers, and though they weren’t family by blood, they took care of him as if he was cut from the same cloth. They were all he’d ever need.

But he still yearned to know his dad. He wanted to know if he had changed over the past few years. Maybe his dad was different now and was looking for him. Peter didn’t want to get his hopes up though.

He doesn’t tell anyone. His uncle told him he could talk to him or his aunt about it, but he can’t bring himself to do it. They’d probably question his choice or maybe be disappointed in it.

Whatever the reason, Peter decides to go alone, at least for the first meeting.

He’s staying with his aunt and he’s not surprised it’s her who questions him. He appears dressed for school, but school was the last thing on his mind. It would be a good distraction from his home life, and he did miss his best friend. He’d go to school tomorrow. But first he needed to find out about his dad.

“Are you sure you’re ready? You could always wait until next week,” Natasha tells him.

Peter nods and continues to gather his things for school. He could be a terrible liar and she would easily see through whatever lie he tries to string together. Eventually he’s forced to look up at her, hating how unsure she appears.

He forces a small smile. “I guess I just miss Ned.”

“He’s always welcome here. If you’re not ready-”

“I’m fine!” Peter doesn’t mean to snap. He takes a deep breath to calm himself. “I’m sorry, Aunt Nat, but...I can’t be locked up here anymore. All I think about is him and-”

Natasha rushes to his side to comfort him, wrapping him in her arms and hugging him close. “I know. He’s all I think about too.”

“I just want things to go back to normal.”

“I know things aren’t easy right now. I’m sorry you’re having to make these tough decisions, but we’re all here for you okay? If you want to try school then great. And if you want to wait a little longer than that’s okay too. I just want you to be happy.”

Peter hugs his aunt tighter. “I’m trying.”

Natasha pulls away and gently strokes his cheek. “I know.” she smiles softly. “you’re a brave, strong boy.”

“Man.”

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Okay man. You’re just like him.”

“I...I guess.”

“You are,” she says then sighs. “let me know when you’re ready and I can take you.”

“Actually…I was hoping I’d walk. I...want to be alone.”

“Okay.” Natasha nods and places a kiss to his head. “Be safe. Come home straight after school. I don’t want to ground you.”

“You? When have you ever grounded me?” Peter grins.

“Don’t make me start,” Natasha threatens. Then she turns and leaves the room. “I love you!” She calls out.

“Love you more!” Peter calls after her.

With a heavy sigh he zips up his backpack and slings it over his shoulder. He never does make it to school, but that would just be another secret he’d have to keep.

* * *

The city is awake and bustling like every morning. The streets are already crowded with morning commuters. Peter is able to bypass most of it; swinging through the air was a much faster way to get around. Luckily no one notices him. The world didn’t know about Spider-Man yet.

Peter eventually finds his destination. He stares up in awe at the unique skyscraper. He had seen it before, but never had a reason to visit.

Stark Tower, just like the rest of the buildings around it, was already open and ready for a new day. People are entering through the front doors, dressed nicely in their professional attire, but none of them bother to grab Peter’s attention. He only had eyes for one person.

He huffs and glances down at his watch. He’s only been waiting ten minutes, but it seems like longer. He blames his anxiousness on the fact that he could be meeting his dad for the very first time. It was nerve wracking.

Peter makes sure he’s not too close to avoid unwanted attention. The last thing he needed was security to be called because a teenager was seen outside loitering.

The minutes tick by agonizingly slow. He stuffs his hands into the pocket of his hoodie and rocks back and forth on his heels. He tries to fight the urge to glance at his watch; it’s all he’s been doing since he arrived.

He’s just about ready to give up and actually go to school, but then a flashy car pulls up to the front of the building. Peter’s heart beats rapidly, pounding so hard he’s sure it’s going to burst right out of his chest. His palms have grown sweaty and he quickly takes them out of his pockets to wipe them along the front of his jeans.

_Come on. Please be him._

His prayers are answered when a man steps out of the car, dressed in a nice suit and designer sunglasses over his eyes. Peter knows what Tony Stark looks like and this man fits the description.

Peter takes a deep breath to calm himself, then as casually as he can, makes his way over. He stops when a larger man comes out from the building to greet his dad. They’re talking about something Peter can’t quite hear as they make their way up the steps and toward the doors.

Peter moves faster. His stomach churns and he prays he doesn’t vomit. That would be mortifying and not the best first impression.

They’re getting closer to the entrance when Peter rushes up to him and calls out, “Mr. Stark!”

They both turn around and the larger man-Peter is able to read his badge and discovers he’d head of security- approaches, ready to block Peter from getting any closer.

“Back up, kid. Mr. Stark isn’t doing autographs,” the man says.

“N-no,” Peter stutters out a reply. “I don’t want an autograph. I just-”

“Then get out of here. He’s busy.”

“But-”

“Hang on,” Tony says and pushes his security guard away. He looks Peter over, brows furrowing slightly. Peter can’t help but tense up. His eyes were hidden behind the sunglasses, preventing Peter from seeing the hard look he was currently given him. “What do you want?”

“Uh...I-I-”

“Come on, kid, hurry up.” Tony waves an impatient hand. “I got a meeting in like ten minutes.”

“I uh...wanted to meet you.” Peter is finally able to get out. He cringes at his own words. This wasn’t going well.

“Are you an intern or something?” Tony asks.

“No! No nothing like that-”

Tony sighs in annoyance and turns to leave.

“Wait, Mr. Stark!” Peter calls after and rushes to keep up, only to be held back by security. “My name is Peter Rogers and-”

That grabs the billionaire’s attention and Tony turns back around. He removes his sunglasses. “What did you say?”

“I’m Peter-”

“Rogers?”

“Y-yes.”

Tony’s expression hardens. “Happy, let him go.”

“Boss-” Happy tries to protest.

“Just do it. He’s harmless. Look at him. Do you think I’d have any trouble with him? Come on, let him go.”

Happy grumbles and releases the firm grip he has on Peter. Peter peers up at him and mutters a ‘thanks’.

Tony gestures with his head for Peter to come closer and he does immediately, doing his best to keep himself calm and collected. He didn’t want to blow this.

“So Peter huh? You look familiar. Do I know you?” Tony asks, his identical eyes scanning the teen.

“Um sort of. You knew my father. You guys worked together and-”

“That doesn’t help me at all. I work with a lot of people, kid.”

“His name was Steve Rogers. You know...Captain America…”

“Holy shit. You’re his kid? Damn how old are you now? 12?”

“15.”

“Fuck it’s already been that long? You don’t really look like him. Or your other parent.”

Peter frowns. “Other parent?”

“Barnes? He’s your dad, right?”

Happy cuts in. “Tony, your meeting-”

“Shh.” Tony quickly shushes him. “Give me a minute with the kid. Go wait over there.”

With a roll of his eyes, Happy follows the order and moves to stand by the front entrance.

“Mr. Stark...you’re my...other parent.” Peter finally finds the courage to get the words out. He feels like a heavy weight has just been lifted off his shoulders. He’s not sure what he’s expecting, maybe a hug or something. But instead, his dad only frowns at him.

“Wait, what?”

“You’re my...dad.”

“That’s not possible.”

“No it is! I swear. He never told you-well, he tried but you didn’t listen. It’s all right here!” Peter quickly removes his backpack and digs through it until he finds the letter. He holds up for his dad to see. “He left this for you.”

Tony hesitantly takes the letter and reads over his name. “What is this?”

“It’s for you. He-”

Peter goes ignored when Tony turns away from him and starts making his way toward the doors. Peter tries to follow after him, but he’s forced to stop when his dad turns around again to face him.

“Look, kid. I’m busy okay? I…” Tony pauses for a moment and then says, “I’ll meet you tomorrow.”

“Here?” Peter points down at the steps beneath him.

“Yeah sure. I’ll uh...keep in touch I guess. Peter, right?”

“Yeah.” Peter smiles.

Tony nods and tucks the letter in the front of his suit jacket. He slips his sunglasses back over his eyes and then makes his way up the last few steps and disappears through the front doors.

Peter huffs and adjusts the strap of his backpack over his shoulder. He takes one last glance at the tower, then he heads in the opposite direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes their interaction probably could’ve gone a lot better. Poor Peter just wants to know who his dad is and Tony just...yeah. ugh he’s a pain in the butt. 
> 
> The next chapter will be Tony reading the letter and finding out about Steve. And I’ll also get into what happened with Sam and Bucky. 
> 
> I’ll update soon!


	19. The Truth Comes Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the part where Tony finds out. I tried to feel sorry for him but I just couldn't....not as bad as I feel for everyone else. I hope you all enjoy this and I will update this weekend!

The first thing Tony does when he gets inside the tower is make his way toward his private office. He ignores the questions Happy throws at him, unable to fully answer them. To be honest he doesn’t know what the hell just happened. All he knows is he had disappeared off the grid for a while and now he was being forced back into this life.

Shutting everyone out wasn’t his best move, but the last few years had been difficult to get through. Turning to alcohol again was also not his brightest idea, but he didn’t know how to deal with life when it got too rough. Hiding away from it all was how he coped.

It never went well. He still felt the pain and anger from the fallout he had with his friends, but more importantly, Steve. As much as he wants to blame Steve for his bitter attitude, the finger doesn’t deserve to be pointed at him. Tony royally fucked up, and now he had to deal with it.

The last thing he ever expected was to crawl out from the hole he’s being hiding in and receive another letter from Steve. He hasn’t heard from him in years. Of course it was him who had blocked all calls and messages from Steve, but the letters he still got. It was tempting to just forward them back, but he kept every single one of them. He never had the courage to read them and disregarded them like everything else in his life.

But now he had a new letter and apparently a son. The kid sort of resembled him, if the eyes and dark hair were anything to go by, but Tony still wanted to find a way that didn't tie him to the kid he just met. He didn’t do well with kids. They had never been something he wanted, mostly due to the fact that he didn’t know how to be a father. He didn’t deny that he could be an asshole. Kids and him didn’t mix.

Tony reaches his office and immediately shuts Happy out. He wants to be alone, but he knows it won’t be for long. He had received numerous missed calls and messages from Pepper within the last few days, and that's what finally got his ass back into the city and away from the quiet life he had been living.

He wishes he had retired for good. His hiatus was good for him but not for anyone else. Pepper had to take up extra work and he figures her phone calls was her telling him she was burnt out and ready to quit. He couldn’t lose her. He’s lost enough already.

Again, his fault.

Tony plops down in his chair, hating how uncomfortable it feels now. Being back behind the desk should bring some kind of feeling, but there’s nothing. He hates being back. He wishes he could hide away and drown in his sorrows. It was pathetic but it’s all he knows now.

He studies the letter, battling with himself if he should even open it. He wonders why Steve hadn’t called and instead sent his son as a messenger. That wasn’t like him. Maybe Steve had changed too.

Tony tosses the letter on the desk and reaches into his pocket for his phone, quickly dialing the number he had tried to forget. It rings and rings and rings until Tony is greeted with the sound of Steve’s voicemail. He sighs harshly and hangs up, then dials again. He gets the same thing, but instead of hanging up, he waits for the beep.

“Really? You’re ignoring me now? I mean I guess that’s fair since I blew you off but… dammit, Rogers I need you to answer me! Please tell me I don’t have a kid. I thought you and Barnes…” Tony sighs harshly and takes a second to compose himself. “Call me back. I’m...I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry and I want to talk. I’m ready now.”

He ends the call.

Tony’s attention falls on the letter again and he snatches it up, ripping into it and taking out the letter inside. He slants back in his chair and begins reading.

_Tony,_

_It’s been awhile since I’ve written one of these. I guess I stopped trying after I didn’t hear back from you. I know you made it clear that you were done from the team and from me, but I can’t stop thinking about the way we left things. To be honest, I can’t stop thinking about you. I was afraid to admit it, but I’ve come to term with my feelings, and believe it or not, I’m in love with you. I have been for some time but didn’t have the courage to say it. Maybe now I wish I had. Maybe things would be different between us. But that’s not the point of this letter. I have another confession to make. You have a son. His name is Peter and he’s eight, but he’s bright for his age, something he no doubt gets from you. Maybe now you understand what I had been trying to tell you all these years. I tried to make you see that the baby you thought belonged to Bucky was in fact yours, but you walked away again. I’m not angry anymore; I’ve learned to accept it and move on. I decided to try one last time for our son. One day he’s going to need you and I hope you can be there for him. You couldn’t be there for me, but I hope you give him a chance. And who knows...maybe one day we can be a family. If I don’t hear from you then I understand._

_Steve_

Tony reads the letter over and over again, struggling to comprehend the words. He did have a son. He wants to be angry at Steve for keeping something huge like this from him, but truth be told, Steve hadn’t kept anything a secret. He tried reaching out to explain the situation and Tony blew him off every single time. It all made sense now; the phone calls and letters had been to tell Tony that he was a father.

“Fuck.” Tony curses and scrubs a hand over his face. He reads over the line ‘maybe one day we can be a family’ and that’s when he starts kicking himself. He feels like the world’s biggest idiot. For years Steve had been trying to tell him something important, and Tony had ignored it all. The last night they saw each other replays in his head and Tony curses himself again for being so stupid. It had never been Barnes.

Tony grabs his phone again and calls Steve back. He gets his voicemail again. “Dammit, Steve, answer me! I’m sorry! I’m sorry I screwed up but I want to talk. I want to fix this. Call me back...please call me back. I’m sorry.”

Steve never does.

Tony cries out in frustration and is ready to throw his phone into the wall, only to pause mid throw when Pepper bursts through the door. Tony heaves out a sigh and is ready to tell her to give him five fucking minutes, but then he notices the tears in her eyes.

“Pep, what’s wrong?” Tony is out of his seat in seconds, ready to question her and comfort her if he can.

Pepper storms over and slaps him hard across the cheek. Tony’s head whips to the side and he turns back at her, wide eyed and with a stinging cheek.

“What the hell was that for?” he asks, grabbing his cheek.

“Where were you! I called and called and you never answered me!” Pepper cries. She hits him again, this time on the shoulder. It still hurts.

“I wanted to be alone. I told you this.”

“I got that part, Tony, but I meant the last couple of days! Why didn’t you answer me! You’re such an asshole!” She smacks him again, this time a little harder than before and he winces.

“I’m here now, right? If it’s about stupid meetings and-”

“Steve’s dead!”

Her words are like a punch to the gut. All of the air in Tony’s lungs vanish and he’s left gasping. Time has seemed to stop. They stare at each other for God knows how long, it almost feels like hours, but it’s probably only a few seconds.

“What?” Tony finally has enough air to speak. Pepper’s eyes are full of tears again and they’re streaming down her face. He’s never seen her so distraught. “Pep, he’s not...what?”

“He’s dead, Tony. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

Tony shakes his head and plops back down in his chair. “No...no...that’s not...Pep, he…”

“He is. I thought if you didn’t hear it from me or Rhodey-”

“He called too?”

“Everyone did, Tony! But you blew us off because all you care about is yourself! What the hell were you doing?”

Tony ignores her. “He can’t be dead. He…”

His stomach churns and the urge to vomit makes itself known. He fights it and takes a deep breath to calm himself.

“Didn’t you hear? It’s been all over the news and-”

“I have to go.” Tony jumps up from his seat, grabs the letter, and rushes out of the room, ignoring Pepper when she calls out to him.

He doesn’t go to his car and drive back to the place he’s been hiding. He still had his penthouse to escape to. His home appears too big now and a part of him regrets returning to this life. Everything seemed so simple back at his lake house. But nothing was simple. It was far from it.

Tony immediately heads down to his lab, a place he usually found solace in. He could be down there and tinker for hours, blocking out the rest of the world until he was ready to face it again. He thought coming back to the city and getting a fresh start was what he needed. Now he’s wishing he never came back.

He doesn’t bother with building suits. That had been given up a long time ago. The decision to step away from Iron Man was difficult; he and the suit were one, but it was just another painful reminder. He didn’t feel worthy of the suit anymore.

The first thing he does is wake up Jarvis. The AI is more than ready to comply with any request, but underneath that Tony can sense his frustration for being shut down for so long. Tony hadn’t walked away from Jarvis as long as everyone else, but he did take a break for a few days. Perhaps that was too long for Jarvis.

“Sorry, buddy,” Tony apologizes. “I needed...space.”

“I hope you got it, sir. I’m happy to be back.” Jarvis doesn’t sound very thrilled, but Tony’s not about to question his attitude. He had to deal with the nagging and disappointment for years.

“I need you to pull up news or footage, keyword Ste-Captain America.”

There’s a moment of hesitation before Jarvis is following through and pulling up everything he can on Tony’s request.

“Please, no. Please,” Tony quietly begs to himself as he waits for the information to download. Then his screens are broadcasting the footage and news articles Tony was hoping didn’t exist.

Steve was dead.

Tony collapses in his chair, a choked sob escaping him. Countless articles and pictures of Steve fill Tony’s line of vision; it’s all he can see, and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t bring himself to look away.

There’s no pictures of the funeral service, but the news footage shows the heartbroken citizens mourning the loss. A few of them are holding gifts and lit candles to place for a memorial.

The details of his death were vague; all Tony knows is he was KIA. Steve fought hard to protect his country and the world. He died doing the thing he loved.

“Off,” Tony mutters. More articles and videos flood the screen. “I said off!” Tony yells. The screens go black, leaving Tony to stare at his own broken reflection.

Tears gather in his eyes and he blinks to keep them from falling. Tony rises to his feet abruptly and makes his way to the bar, rummaging through the bottles he has until he finds one with the highest proof.

“Sir…” Jarvis sounds unsure, almost timid to say anything else. Then he finally finds the courage to say, “I’m sorry.”

Tony ignores the condolences and pours his drink. He chugs it down, wincing from the burn it leaves. He’s ready to pour another, but then he screams and throws the glass, watching it shatter and make a mess on the floor. He screams again and throws all of the bottles and glasses at the bar until there’s nothing left to smash.

The tears break free and run down his face, and this time he doesn’t bother to fight it. He sobs, his body shaking from how intense they are. He slides down to the floor and buries his face into his hands, screaming until his throat burns worse than the alcohol.

Steve was dead.

The images of Steve’s face is all he can see. But his mind is a lot crueler than he thought. He’s forced to relive the moment he knew he loved Steve, the night after they slept together, the way he left and never came back, their last night together. He’d give anything to go back and fix his mistakes. Maybe Steve would still be alive if he had stopped caring about himself.

Tony finds a bottle he missed and drinks from it, but the pain was still there. It would forever haunt him.

When Pepper finds him, he’s already drunk half the bottle and he’s surrounded by broken glass and unopened letters. The lab is quiet except for the sound of his cries.

She’s hesitant to approach him, but when he looks up at her with pain filled eyes, she sighs sadly and moves toward him, carefully avoiding the glass as she sits beside him.

“I’m sorry,” Pepper whispers. She’s crying again. “I tried to tell you sooner but-”

“I have a son,” Tony cuts her off and he glances down at the letter he hasn’t stopped reading. There’s a few opened ones around him, but it’s the one in his hand that Pepper takes. “For years he tried to tell me and I...and I did this.” Tony gestures to his lab and the drink in his hand. “I ran away. I’m just a coward.”

Pepper sighs and folds the letter up. “I don’t know what to say, Tony.”

“You were right. I should’ve told him the truth. I should’ve done something.” Tony throws the bottle and it shatters, making Pepper flinch. “And you know what? He loved me. He loved me back and I...and I fucked up. I thought if I walked away from him I could spare myself and him but…I made a mistake. I should’ve told him the truth.”

Pepper places a hand on his shoulder and rubs the spot soothingly. “I’m so sorry, Tony. I wish I knew what to say to make it better.”

“I don’t think you can. This hurts, Pep. This hurts bad. God I’ve never hated myself more than I do now. I’d give anything to go back and do the right thing.”

“Maybe you still can.” Pepper reaches for the letter again and the wallet size photo that was attached to it. She shows him the smiling face of a little boy with brown eyes. “He’s your second chance. You can still make things right for him.”

“He probably hates me. How could he not?” Tony scoffs.

“He’s all you left. He’s all you have left of Steve.”

Tony takes the picture and studies it. He wouldn’t be surprised if his son hated him, but judging by their interaction today, his son seemed like he wanted to get to know him. Maybe Tony had a chance to fix what he broke.

He’d do it for Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well now Tony knows. He's still an idiot for shutting everyone out. It's his own fault. Hopefully I can answer any questions you guys have in upcoming chapters.
> 
> The next chapter I can't decide if it should focus a bit on the team and maybe Bucky and Sam's issues, or just mix it in with what's going on with Peter and Tony. What sounds better?
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	20. Keep It Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got around to updating! This chapter mostly focuses on Peter and of course I said I’d explain what happened with Sam and Bucky. The next one will have Tony and Peter interacting better than they did.

Peter doesn’t immediately go home after his first encounter with his dad. It would be too suspicious to come home early when his aunt and uncles believed he had gone to school. There was always telling them that he left school early because he couldn’t deal with being back, but that would just be another lie.

He hasn’t seen the city in sometime. He was usually cooped up at home to train for becoming an Avenger. The only times he really left the compound was to go to school or if he and his papa went out. He enjoyed their outings and the stories his papa would tell him.

Just thinking about his father brings tears to his eyes. Peter wants nothing more than to go home and lock himself away to release all of the hurt. But nothing was going to take his pain away. It was always going to be there.

He knows where he needs to be, and without being noticed, he swings through the city until he reaches his father’s gravesite. It’s not a basic stone with his name and dates of birth and death; he was a symbol to many and greatly recognized. The bronze statue stands tall, a perfect replica of his father and the mighty shield that aided him in many battles. The base of the statue has his name, the two important dates, and an engraved message describing the type of person he was in life.

The memorial is littered flowers, pictures, and candles. Peter suddenly wishes he had brought something and he makes a mental note to bring something when he visits tomorrow. He already knows he’ll be at this place more than anywhere else.

Peter looks up at the statue, wishing that he was staring at the real thing. He’d give anything to have more time with his father. He misses their long talks, the laughs they shared, and just his general presence. The void he left could never be filled.

“I miss you, Papa,” Peter says and traces a finger along the engraved name. He swallows the lump in his throat and continues, “I...I met dad today. I don’t know. Maybe it was stupid but you always said if I wanted to then I should. Now I’m wondering if I made a mistake. He’s…”

Peter pauses and quickly wipes at his eyes when tears begin to fall. “He’s not you. I want to give him another chance but...is that stupid? He hasn’t done anything and...what would you do? I wish you could answer me and tell me what to do.”

The tears keep falling and this time Peter doesn’t try to stop them. The pain was still fresh and too great. He’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to heal from this loss. His father was all he had and then in an instant, he was gone and Peter didn’t know how he was supposed to survive something like that.

He still has the rest of his family and maybe his dad, but it’s hard to say. Their first interaction hadn’t gone the way Peter had been hoping. He thought for sure his dad would have been happy to see him. But it was like his dad didn’t even care.

But Peter wasn’t ready to give up. His papa always taught him to keep fighting. When the bullies would knock him down and Peter would come home crying, it was his papa comforting him and reminding him that he was strong and to never allow anyone to knock him down. His papa never backed down, especially when he was determined. And Peter was determined to have a relationship with his dad.

“Maybe he’s not so bad,” Peter says, and with a small laugh adds, “he doesn’t really let you talk though. I was able to get a few words in but he loves talking. He told me to meet him tomorrow so maybe that’s good. I don’t know. I’m nervous and don’t know how to be around him. He’ll love me for me, right?”

Peter sighs and stretches out his fingers again, letting his palm roam over the shield the statue has in its hand.

“Uncle Sam asked if I wanted to take your place. I...I don’t think I can. I’m not you. You said I was better but…” Peter trails off with a sad sigh and pulls his hand off the monument.

He stays a little longer, talking to his papa about the rest of the family and how they’re all coping. He finds comfort at the grave, and he swears he can feel his father with him. It doesn’t compare to having the real thing, but Peter would take what he could get.

It’s well into the afternoon by the time Peter returns to the compound. He doesn’t find his aunt in her apartment or down in the common room. He considers going to hang out with his uncles, but they’d probably want some space. He doesn’t know their full story and has been too afraid to ask.

Peter eventually finds his aunt at the shooting range. He lingers in the entryway, watching her shoot the targets with perfect accuracy. She never misses, proving that she was the best at what she did. He knew she was a skilled assassin and spy, but to him she would always be his aunt first. The best aunt in the world. He wonders if she still has the mug he got her for Christmas with those same words printed on the front.

After a few minutes, Natasha lowers her gun. It slips through her fingers and hits the floor. The ear muffs come off next and land beside the forgotten gun, and that’s when Peter sees her break down for the first time. She screams and drops to her knees, her back hunching over and hands coming up to cradle her head. She pulls at her red hair, releasing another scream and sob.

Peter’s first instinct is to rush toward her, but he holds off and takes slow, cautious steps instead. Her guard is only down for a moment and as soon as he’s close enough, she whips her head in his direction.

“Sorry!” Peter quickly apologizes. “I didn’t mean...I was just looking for you and...are you okay?”

Natasha nods and wipes the tears from her eyes. She rises to her feet and puts on a smile. It’s not very bright and the pain still clearly shows behind it.

“I’m fine.” It’s obvious she’s lying, but Peter knows better than to call her out. “You’re home kind of late.”

“I always get home at this time.”

“Oh.” Natasha’s brows furrow slightly and she glances at the targets she had been shooting. “I guess I lost track of time. How was school?” She’s back to staring at him and Peter can’t help but shift under her gaze.

“Aright.” He shrugs. “It was...weird.”

He means something else entirely but his aunt didn’t need to know that yet.

“It’ll get...easier.” Natasha doesn’t sound so sure. She honestly didn’t know how anything was supposed to get easier and return to normal. Their lives were altered permanently.

Peter nods. “I uh...I went to see him...it’s nice. People really cared about him. There’s flowers and candles…”

He registers the tears in his eyes and quickly looks away to hide them.

 _Keep it together_ , he tells himself. He had to be strong even when he didn’t want to be. His family was broken and it was up to him to keep them from crumbling. Just like his papa used to do.

“Sweetie, it’s okay.” Natasha pulls him into a hug. He doesn’t fight her touch and allows her to hold him close. “I miss him too. A lot.”

“It’s not fair.” Peter can’t help the small sob that escapes. He clings to his aunt tighter, feeling her own body tremble.

“I know.” Her fingers are in his hair, gently threading through the locks to help calm him down. “It’s not fair and I’m so sorry, sweetie.”

“I just want him back.”

“So do I.”

Peter hugs her tighter. “I love you, Auntie Nat. Don’t ever leave.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Natasha pulls away and brushes away the hair that’s fallen in her nephew’s face. “I’m sorry I can’t be him, but I’m still here for you no matter what. I love you.”

Peter nods and hugs her again, no longer caring about the tears he had tried to hide.

He’s unsure of how long they stay wrapped in each other’s arms. He almost doesn’t want to let his aunt go. She had always been there for him, ready to fight and defend him just like his father and uncles. He didn’t know what he’d do without her.

* * *

Peter spends another night with his uncles. For the most part they seemed okay, or at least better than what they’ve been. Bucky was still quiet and only opened up when Peter or Sam asked him something, but other than that he kept to himself. It was obvious he was still hurting from the loss of his best friend. Sam was too but the relationship he had with Steve didn’t compare to the one Bucky had.

After dinner Bucky excuses himself and hides away like he always does. Peter doesn’t go after him, deciding to give him space.

“He’s okay,” Sam says while they clean up. Peter glances at him and then back at the plate he’s drying. “You don’t have to worry about him. You’re dealing with enough as it is.”

“So are you. He was your friend too.”

Sam sighs. “I’m just trying to…”

“Keep it together?” Peter asks.

“Yeah.” Sam nods. “Something like that.”

There’s a moment of silence between them before Peter breaks it.

“I think I want to live with you guys…”

Sam peers up at him and gives up on the dishes. He leans against the counter and folds his arms over his chest, a small grin appears over his face.

“Yeah? You don’t sound so sure.”

“I do...but then Auntie Nat is upset and I don’t want to leave her but then you guys are also upset and I’d feel terrible about leaving you and-”

“Whoa.” Sam holds up a hand to silence the rambling. “First, take a deep breath. Second, don’t worry about us. I just told you not to worry.”

“I know. But...I can’t help it. I don’t want to leave and then it upsets you or Uncle Bucky.”

“Trust me we’ll live. The choice is yours remember? And if you want to jump back and forth then that’s okay too.”

Peter frowns. “That sounds exhausting. I guess I just want...something normal.”

“I don’t think anything is going to be normal for a while,” Sam says.

“Yeah. What should I do?”

“Whatever you want. The choice is yours. I promise we’ll be fine with whatever you want to do. You want to chill in that guest room from time to time that’s cool with me. And if you’d rather stay with Nat then that’s fine too. There will be no hard feelings.”

“I think...I need to think about it some more.”

Sam shrugs. “Do what you want, Pete. We’re here no matter what.”

Peter smiles. “Auntie Nat said the same thing.”

“Because it’s true. I got it from here. Go watch tv or something.”

Peter nods and makes his way to the guest bedroom. The door is slightly ajar, piquing his interest and he can’t help but peer through the crack. His uncle Bucky is inside, sitting on the edge of the bed and sobbing. Peter expects to see those same dog tags in his hand, but this time he notices something entirely different. His uncle is holding what appears to be a tiny baby shirt.

His heart sinks at the sight. He didn’t know the story behind the baby items he had seen earlier and his uncle Sam never did tell him about the child they weren’t having anymore. Peter didn’t want to fear the worst, but judging by his uncle’s reaction, he couldn’t help but think that way.

Peter pushes the door open and his uncle jumps.

“Jesus, kid. You can’t keep sneaking up on me.”

“Sorry. I thought you’re supposed to be this skilled assassin?”

Bucky huffs out a laugh. “Smart ass. What’s up?”

“Uncle Sam told me to leave you alone but…” Peter trails off and enters the room. He approaches his uncle and sits down beside him, his eyes flickering toward the item clutched tightly in his uncle’s fist.

“Did the baby…” Peter begins to say and then quickly stops himself. “Sorry. It’s none of my business.”

“It’s okay to be curious,” Bucky says softly and gently smoothes out the wrinkles he’s created in the tiny shirt. “And yeah...the baby…I lost it.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry, Uncle Bucky. I didn’t mean-”

“Relax, Pete. You didn’t know. No one does.”

“Not even Nat?”

“Not even Nat.”

“Did my...did he know?”

Bucky shakes his head. Fresh tears spring to his eyes and he takes a deep breath to calm himself before another sob could escape.

“Nope. He knew I was trying and gave us some of your old stuff. But then it happened and Sam and I decided to wait until it was safe I guess. I don’t know. Apparently it’s bad luck to say anything too soon. I didn’t even talk about it and the bad luck still got me.”

Peter doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say. The words “I’m sorry” didn’t seem right. He had hated when that’s all anyone would tell him, and he figures his uncle might be the same way. Those words didn’t ease the pain.

“How long...was this recent?” Peter asks.

“Yeah. Don’t worry. I didn’t go on a mission with a bun in my oven if that’s what you’re thinking. It was before...weeks before,” Bucky replies.

“How come you didn’t tell us? He would’ve understood.”

“I know. I guess I didn’t know how. And he was dealing with a lot. I didn’t want to add to it you know. Then there was you. I didn’t want him to feel guilty because he had you and I...didn’t have one of my own. He’d do that...I know him.”

Peter sighs sadly. “I think he would’ve been excited about a baby. He never mentioned having another one.”

Bucky chuckles. “The guy would’ve had to date, kid. You were enough.”

“Is there anything I can do? I hate seeing you like this.”

Bucky forces a small smile. “I’ll be fine, but thanks anyway. Maybe one day I’ll get another chance.”

“Yeah!” Peter tries to be hopeful. “You’re already the best uncle so being promoted to best dad would be awesome!”

Bucky’s smile gets a little brighter. He glances down at the shirt and opens it up, giving Peter a glimpse at the words printed on the front: World’s Greatest Uncle

“He would’ve been the greatest,” Peter says and gestures toward the shirt.

“Yeah.” Bucky sighs sadly and folds the shirt. He rises to his feet and heads toward the door. “I’ll let you get some sleep now. Goodnight, Pete. I love you.”

“I love you more.”

And just like that, Peter’s mind had been made up. He’d be staying with his uncles from now on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it! I’ll try and update next weekend! Thank you! 😊


	21. Make Things Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I got my power back on! It’s still cold but at least I can write again! 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter! 😊

Tony didn’t think it was possible to be so nervous. He was usually more put together and full of confidence, but truth be told he wasn’t always as confident as people liked to assume. He had his moments where he didn’t feel worthy and it was times like that when he chose to hide away from the world. It was easier that way.

But he wasn’t going to hide anymore. He did it for 15 years and enough was enough. He needed to pull himself together and get his life back on track. If not for himself then for his son.

Just thinking about the kid he needed to raise brings more fear and anxiousness. There’s guilt there too, and that would probably always remain with him. Peter was 15 now and Tony missed a huge chunk of his life. But it wasn’t too late. He could still salvage what he did have and be a father.

His fingers drum nervously on the wheel of his Audi R8. He had purposely told Happy not to bother being his chauffeur today. His friend had been hesitant to leave Tony alone, but Tony was quick to assure him. Peter was just a kid. Not scary whatsoever. But in reality he was the most terrifying person to walk into Tony’s life.

He glances at the car radio, fingers wrapping around the wheel tightly when he notices the time. Peter never did say when he’d show up and Tony had no idea if the kid was in school. He must be. Steve had probably been strict.

Tony doesn’t want to think about Steve now. He had spent all night drinking and wishing he had done something right. There was guilt regarding his son, but the guilt he had for Steve was much worse. He’d never forgive himself.

He’s about to give up and retreat to his tower and hide away, but then he spots Peter crossing the street. Tony kills the ignition and slips his sunglasses over his eyes, and after a quick check in the mirror, gets out of the vehicle.

Peter doesn’t notice him right away, but once he does, his face is lighting up and he runs over. Tony has to back up so that they don’t collide with each other.

The first thing Tony notices about him is the backpack around his shoulder. That answered the school question. The next thing was his red, glistening eyes. Great. He had been crying. Tony wasn’t sure if he could even cheer him up. He couldn’t even cheer his own self up.

“Hey, Da-Mr. Stark. I wasn’t sure when we were supposed to meet so I just thought to come by and see if you were here and you were so-”

Tony doesn’t even pick up the rest of what the kid is saving. He can see his lips moving and his hands making these excited gestures, but he can’t focus on the words. The kid loves to talk.

“Yeah, yeah that’s great,” Tony interrupts, “so what time do I need to have you back?”

“Have me back?” Peter frowns in confusion.

“Yeah. You know curfew and whatever. What time?”

“Oh! Uh...before dinner I guess. Uncle Sam always makes dinner at 6.”

“6 it is. Hop in.” Tony gestures to the car and Peter’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Whoa! You mean I get to ride in this thing?” Peter asks excitedly.

“Yeah. It’s how I get around so…”

Tony gets in first and makes sure to take a deep breath to calm himself before Peter joins him. Peter is just as excited about being inside the car than he was just looking at it. A bright smile appears on his face.

“This is so cool! Is this your only car or...no wait, you probably own thousands of cars! What’s that like? Are they all like this? Do they drive themselves? Do they-”

Tony sighs harshly. “Do you always talk this much?”

Peter quiets down instantly and slumps in his seat, his cheeks red with embarrassment. “Sometimes. Papa would always laugh at me.”

Tony’s expression hardens. He did not want to talk about Steve right now. Or ever. At least until he was ready.

“Anyway. I was going to take you to my penthouse but I think a drive would have to do. I don’t need questions.”

“Oh that’s...cool. Drives are fun.”

The drive is one of the most awkward drives Tony has ever been on. He was used to driving alone and blasting music or being in the backseat and having a conversation with Happy. For a moment he regrets not bringing Happy along, but then he remembers how he had acted yesterday and Tony did not need Happy grilling him right now.

Tony decides some music might do some good and he puts on AC/DC. He instantly relaxes.

“Awesome!” Peter exclaims. “I love Led Zeppelin!”

Tony has to fight the urge to slam on the breaks. Instead he glances in the kid’s direction, a look of disbelief on his face.

“Are you sure you’re my kid?”

Peter frowns. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I-”

“Forget it. It was a joke.”

Peter sighs and glances down at his lap, fidgeting with his fingers. Tony peers over at him again, more guilt washing over him at the sight he finds.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean-I make jokes when I’m...uncomfortable. They’re stupid and it annoys everyone but it’s what I do. Sorry, kid.”

“It’s cool. I...I get it. I’m awkward too.”

Tony turns back to the road, unsure of where they’re going. Maybe it would’ve been better to hang out in his tower, but he’s tempted to take the kid to the place he’s been hiding out for the past few years. The lake house was the perfect place for them to have privacy, but he’s worried about the seclusion being too much. He didn’t want to freak the kid out.

“Look, we can just go to my place,” Tony decides and turns around at the next light. “I have a private entrance we can use.”

“Okay.” Peter nods. “Are you afraid of people seeing us? I swear I’m not some weird stalker or anything.”

“Of course not. I’m used to awkward teenagers hanging around my tower.”

“That’s a joke...right?”

“Sure.”

* * *

Peter is even more excited about the tower than he was about the car. He doesn’t stop talking and pointing things out that excite him. Tony has to practically drag him away and out of sight from anyone still working. He prays that Happy and Pepper don’t cross their path. He’s not ready to introduce Peter to them yet.

“This is my home so...yeah…” Tony gestures around the large space once they step inside. Peter’s eyes are wide again and soaking in as much as he can. “Don’t freak out. It’s not a big deal.”

“This is so cool!” Peter freaks out anyway. “You live here? Alone? That must get pretty lonely.”

“Thanks, kid. And I’m fine. I like being alone.”

Those probably weren’t the right words to say but Tony’s already explained he’s bad with words. Peter doesn’t reply and instead finds interest in the bit of artwork on the walls.

“This is still cool. I’ve never been in a penthouse before. I mean the compound was awesome but I never got to see anything else.”

“I guess Steve was strict huh?” Tony immediately regrets those words too but it’s too late to take them back.

“Sort of. I don’t know. I think he was just protective.”

The silence that follows is awkward. Tony clears his throat and moves toward the bar, itching for a drink in hopes of easing his discomfort.

“You can sit down,” he says and gestures toward the sofa when Peter remains in the foyer. The kid nods and makes his way over to the living room, shrugging his backpack off and sitting down gingerly, almost as if he’s afraid of ruining the piece of furniture. Tony can’t help but roll his eyes. “Scotch?” He offers and the kid shakes his head.

“I’m too young-oh...another joke?”

Tony doesn’t reply and with his drink in hand, makes his way to the sofa and lowers himself down a few seats away. He takes a drink, enjoying the familiar burn as it travels down his throat.

“So where do you go to school?” Tony asks and takes another sip from his glass.

“Midtown High,” Peter replies. He’s still playing with his fingers.

“Oh?” Tony’s brow raises. “What are you some sort of whiz kid?”

“Uh I...I like to build computers.”

“So no Avenger life for you? He didn’t approve?”

Peter glances down at his lap. “N-no Avenger life for me.”

Tony knows he must’ve struck another nerve and he tries to think of something else they could talk about. Peter was obviously smart so at least he could hold an intellectual conversation. They had the love for tech and science in common. Maybe he was his son.

Tony sighs. “Look, kid, I’m trying to figure this out. I know it’s awkward and weird but I’m learning okay? I have no idea how to be a father. I just met you yesterday so it’s going to take time.”

Peter nods his head frantically. “I totally understand that, Mr. Stark. I’m still trying to figure this out too. It’s weird and confusing and...I don’t know. I’m excited though. I mean you’re you and it’s so cool that you’re my dad!”

This time Tony does cringe and he takes another drink, chugging down the rest of the alcohol. He didn’t understand how this poor kid could look up to him. He wasn’t anything special. He was the world’s biggest screw up.

It’s tempting to get another drink, but he holds off. He was supposed to be cleaning up his life.

“Look let’s take this slow and...that doesn’t sound right. You know what I mean. I want to make things right. I fucked up and-”

“Language.”

“What?”

“Language. It’s something Papa used to say if any of us cursed. I don’t know if he...never mind. Yeah. Yeah I understand.”

“Anyway. I want to make things right between us. I want to make up for lost time. I know you’re 15 now and I missed a lot but maybe we can still...yeah.”

“Okay.” Peter smiles. “That sounds good. It’ll be fun.”

“Yeah…”

“We can talk for hours about...everything! There’s so much I want to know. How did you guys meet? How did you become an Avenger? Are you still Iron Man? Do you really like cheeseburgers?”

Tony holds up a hand to silence the rambling and Peter falls quiet. “I’m gonna stop you there. I’m sure you already know the answer to most of those questions. We don’t have to go over that again.”

“Sorry.” Peter blushes. “I’m just curious.”

“I know. How about we try again tomorrow or this weekend.”

“Wait, you’re taking me back? But it’s not 6 yet.”

“Yeah well this is...let’s start fresh tomorrow. I think we both need to...think things through. And no that’s not me blowing you off. We’re both nervous.”

“Oh. Yeah okay. So same time or...maybe you can pick me up?”

“No. Just meet me here whenever you get out of school or something.”

Peter nods and jumps up to his feet to gather his things. Tony escorts him out.

“So tomorrow?” Peter double checks once they’re outside the tower.

“Yep. This was a little...weird. Maybe tomorrow will be better.” Tony gives a nonchalant shrug.

“Yeah. I’ll see you later, Da-Mr. Stark.”

“Bye, kid.”

Peter waves awkwardly and quickly scurries across the street. Tony watches for as long as he can until Peter disappears out of view, then with a heavy sigh, he retreats back into his tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Tony...I don’t know what to say. He’s a mess right now. Poor Peter just wants to know him and have a relationship. It’s going to take a lot of work(mostly on Tony’s part) for one to happen. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I’ll update soon!


	22. Secrets

“And then we drove around in this really cool car! But that’s not even the best part! We went to his tower! I know you said it’s a big ugly building, but it’s so cool! We went inside his penthouse and-oh my gosh he has everything!”

Peter stops his rambling to catch his breath, the smile on his face faltering. He sighs sadly and adjusts flowers he brought with him, cursing to himself when the petals from one of the white roses falls to the ground.

“Sorry, Papa,” he sighs again and takes his original spot beside the gravestone:sitting crossed legged in front of it. He wipes away the bit of dirt that has covered his father’s name. “I messed up the flowers. I hope you like them anyway. Auntie Nat said you probably would. She’s doing….”

Peter pauses again, frowning as he tries to come up with a proper response. He knows his father can’t hear him, but he likes to believe that maybe he still does. Maybe his father is looking down on him, still wearing that same smile he always wore whenever Peter talked to him.

It brings a smile to his own face.

“She’s okay,” he eventually says with a small shrug. “She misses you and it’s hurting her really really bad. But I think Uncle Bucky is in worse shape. You guys were best friends so...I mean, I’d be a mess too if I lost Ned. Uncle Sam is taking care of him. He’s...struggling too, though. He’s trying to keep everyone from falling apart and I think it’s taking a toll on him. He doing his best.

“We all really really miss you. Nothing’s been the same and…and…”

Peter sniffs and quickly wipes away the tears that roll down his face. “I just wish you were here. I keep thinking about you and dad and...us being a family. Maybe he would be different. I don’t think he likes me very much.”

Peter frowns at his own words. Of course his dad liked him. He was his son. A father was supposed to love their son. His dad was just scared. Tony had said it himself that he was unsure of what to do and how to act. Peter just had to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Was he different when you two…never mind. I wish you could answer me. I hate not knowing what to do. You always knew what to do. I miss you so much, Papa.”

More tears escape and this time Peter doesn’t bother wiping them away. He brings his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them, sobbing quietly. The pain was still fresh, and he honestly didn’t know if it would ever go away. Time was supposed to heal, but Peter wasn’t sure if he truly believed that.

His papa was his whole world. They might not have been a perfect family, but to Peter, his papa was perfect. He did his best to care for Peter and his friends. He sacrificed everything to keep those he cared about safe. The world looked up to Captain America. He was the world’s hero. But he was Peter’s hero too.

The world continued to spin and life went on, with or without Captain America. But Peter’s world was altered in the worst way. He lost Captain America too, but he lost a parent first. He lost the most important person to him.

Peter is snapped back to reality when his phone rings. He quickly reaches into his pocket to retrieve it, cursing to himself at the familiar name and picture that appears on the screen. His uncles were going to kill him.

“Sorry, Papa, but I have to go.” Peter scrambles to his feet and gathers his backpack, tossing it over his shoulder. He makes sure the flowers are still arranged perfectly, then he lays a hand over the bronze shield. “I love you.”

He gives the statue one more look, then he rushes away, hoping that his uncles don’t kill him.

* * *

“He’s late,” Bucky grumbles in annoyance.

Sam peers over his shoulder at his husband, and with a sigh, turns back to the vegetables he’s cutting up for dinner.

“I know. He said he’d be here in ten minutes.”

Bucky grumbles some kind of response Sam can’t decipher. He ignores it, knowing his husband’s mood was excusable. Bucky had every right to be upset. Steve’s death was still fresh.

Bucky gets up from the sofa to join Sam in the kitchen, opening the cupboards and taking out three plates to set the table with.

“He usually sets the table,” Bucky says as he does Peter’s usual job. Sam nods in response. “Where is he? He’s okay, right? Should I call him again?”

“Buck, stop,” Sam pauses his current task and faces his husband again. Bucky frowns and leans against the counter, arms folded across his chest. “He’s okay. You can’t worry about everything he does.”

“Why? Maybe I should. He’s just a kid and the world is dangerous. Maybe it’s a good thing we lost ours.”

“What?”

“Forget it.”

“No. Talk to me. What the hell does that mean?”

“It means...what if...what if we had the baby and then something happened? What if they got hurt or we got hurt? I could never live with myself if our child suffered because of us.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Sam assures. Bucky doesn’t appear convinced.

“I used to think that. And then I lost my best friend and now his son is suffering. I don’t want that for our kids, Sam. Do you know how hard it would be for them if they lost you or me or both of us?”

“Hey.” Sam sets down the knife in his hand and crosses the room to get to his husband, taking him into his arms. “That’s not going to happen.”

“How do you know?” Bucky clings to Sam tightly. His body trembles and Sam knows he’s struggling to keep it together. “Steve’s gone and Pete…”

A small sob rips from Bucky’s throat and Sam holds him tighter, comforting him with soft words and gently threading his fingers through his hair.

“I know. I’m so sorry that he’s gone. I’m sorry we lost the baby. But none of that is your fault.”

Bucky continues to sob. “I should’ve done more. He’s gone because of me. Both of them are gone because of me.”

“It’s not your fault,” Sam says, fighting back his own tears. He’s lost count of how many times Bucky has blamed himself for their loss. It just wasn’t their time to be parents and he assured him that they’d get that chance. He was still convinced that they would.

“I want him back.”

Sam nods. “I know. I do too. We all do.”

They stay like this for sometime, only breaking apart when there’s a knock on their door. Sam kisses Bucky’s head and excuses himself to answer it. Natasha and Bruce are in the hallway.

“What happened?” Sam immediately fears the worst.

Natasha cocks her head in confusion. “Nothing happened. We just wanted to check on you and-” she pauses and holds up a bottle of Chardonnay. “-we brought wine.”

Sam smiles. “Come in,” he says and steps aside for his friends to enter.

“I don’t remember inviting you for dinner?” Bucky frowns.

“Ouch. That’s harsh, James,” Natasha says.

“No no. I just mean...did we? My mind has been...elsewhere.”

“You didn’t,” Bruce answers. “But it’s been awhile since we’ve gotten together so we just assumed…”

“Yeah.” Bucky rubs at his forehead, his eyes squeezed shut. “Sorry. It’s been…”

“We know,” Natasha says sadly and she sits down at the table. “Nothing is the same.”

Bruce nods in agreement. “I hate to say it but...I don’t think it ever will be.”

Bucky blows out a breath, doing everything he can not to cry again. Sam senses this and lays a hand over his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. He decides to change the subject.

“I hope you’re hungry.” Sam returns back to the kitchen to finish dinner.

“Starved.” Natasha smiles and gets up from her seat to grab a few wine glasses and the corkscrew. “Where’s Pete?”

“Not home,” Bucky grumbles.

“He should be here-” Sam begins to say and the sound of the door opening interrupts. -“now.”

Peter’s voice rings out. “I’m home! Sorry I’m…” He steps into the kitchen, brows furrowing at the familiar faces he finds. He wasn’t expecting everyone to be over. “H-hey, Auntie Nat, Uncle Bruce.”

Sam clears his throat.

“Oh! Right! Hi!” Peter waves at his other uncles.

“Where the hell have you been?” Bucky demands.

“I went to see him.”

Bucky’s expression softens. “Oh. Send a text time, punk. Go clean up. Dinner’s ready.”

Peter nods and quickly rushes toward the guest bedroom.

Natasha grins. “So you’re the tough parent, huh?”

“Shut up.”

“Is he alright?” Bruce asks, his tone laced with concern.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” Bucky deadpans.

“He just seems...odd,” Bruce frowns. “I know everyone grieves differently but-”

“He’s also a teenager,” Sam joins in. “They do stupid shit.”

“You think it’s…” Bruce trails off.

“I swear to God if it’s drugs,” Bucky growls.

“Oh relax, boys,” Natasha rolls her eyes and begins pouring everyone a glass of wine. “It’s Peter. He isn’t capable of doing anything wrong. Steve made sure of that.”

Bucky snorts and shakes his head. “Steve wasn’t a saint, Nat. I wouldn’t be surprised if his kid was getting into fights in alleys.”

“He’s a good kid,” Sam defends. “He wouldn’t hide anything from us. We already made it clear we’re all here for him.”

Everyone nods in agreement.

“He is being strange though…” Bucky frowns.

“Don’t,” Sam warns. “He’s fine.”

Bucky isn’t convinced. “Hold on.”

“Buck-” Sam tries to protest, but he goes ignored.

Natasha shrugs and gestures with her chin the glass meant for Sam. He grumbles and accepts it.

Bucky doesn’t mean to sneak up on his nephew, but years and years of training as not only a sniper but the world’s deadliest assassin made it hard not to. Peter jumps and yelps in surprise when Bucky knocks softly on the doorframe.

“You okay?” Bucky raises a questioning brow. “Usually your spidey sense is on point.”

“S-sorry,” Peter apologizes and quickly puts his phone on the nightstand.

Bucky eyes him closely and steps further into the room, sitting down on the bed beside him. “Look, Pete, I don’t mean to be so-”

“Paranoid?”

“I was going to say protective but whatever. I just want you to be safe.”

“You sound like him when you say that.”

Bucky sighs. “I know I’m not him and I’m not trying to be, but you’re still my nephew and I care about you. A lot.”

“I know,” Peter nods. “I’m okay. Just...dealing with it I guess.”

“You can come to us, you know that right? Anything at all, we’re all ears.”

“Anything?”

“Anything. I don’t want any secrets.”

For a moment Peter considers telling his uncle where he’s really been, but he holds back. His uncle would kill him for sure.

“Thanks, Uncle Bucky,” Peter says instead.

Bucky nods, though nowhere near convinced as Peter thinks he is. He pats his nephew on the shoulder and rises to his feet.

“Come on. Dinner’s ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter was on the short side and Tony wasn’t in it. I just wanted to show what everyone else is up to and Peter’s life with them. There will be more scenes like that. But Tony will be in the next one! If that matters. I know he’s on the shit list 😂


	23. Moving Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses on Tony and his grief. I’m sorry but he needs to suffer a little...right? Or is that too harsh? He did make Steve suffer for years so... 🤷♀️ 
> 
> Anyway, the next one will have him and Peter again. Thank you for reading!

“J, play it again,” Tony orders the A.I. All morning as he slaves away in his lab, he’s had Jarvis play a new playlist. For once it’s not some classic rock song.

“Of course,” Jarvis replies.

The room fills with Steve’s voice.

The first time Tony heard the voicemails, Tony had to shut them off and never listen to them again. He had done that a couple of times actually. Hearing Steve’s voice ached. It felt like his heart was being squeezed tightly until it was close to bursting.

It wasn’t just the words he was saying, but just hearing him in general. Tony would never get to hear his voice live again.

He purposely picked one of the happier messages Steve had sent him. He’s listened to all of them, but the one he could listen to forever was the one Steve had sent when Peter was just a year old. There was a hint of sadness in his tone during the first half of the message-the part Tony struggled to get through-but then he sounds happy as he talks about their son and the first step he had taken.

Tony can vividly see Steve smiling. It was a sight he was going to miss. Steve had a great smile. It was bright and always full of confidence.

Tony listens to the message as he works on one of his suits. He hasn’t been in one for so long, having given up being Iron Man a long time ago. He could barely function outside of the suit. How could he function inside of it?

But he was turning his life around. The drinking had to stop now that he has someone who needs him more than ever. What kind of father would he be if all he did was get drunk before ten AM? He didn’t have the greatest example of a father growing up, and now that he has a son of his own, he wants to be better.

Tony pauses his work when he realizes the space around him has gone silent. He peers up from the gauntlet he’s been tweaking on.

“J, again. Please.”

The audio starts again and Tony returns to work.

He has to pause again when his vision blurs and he’s unable to work properly. Tony sniffs and pulls back, dropping his tools on the bench with a loud clank.

“Tony, it’s me. But I guess you knew that already,” Steve’s voice fills the room, “I know I call a lot, but I figured another try wouldn’t hurt. I don’t know if you’ve heard my other messages. I’m hoping you have. This one is different. I’m not going to beg you to come back. You chose to leave and I respect your choice.”

“J, stop!” Tony immediately calls out and the room falls silent. “Skip this part.”

“Yes, sir,” Jarvis replies and does as instructed.

When Steve’s voice is heard again, it’s at Tony’s favorite part.

“Peter’s a year old now. He’s doing good.He took his first step today. I wish you could’ve been there for it. He was so happy and proud of himself.”

Tony can vividly picture Steve smiling. It brings more tears to his eyes and a small smile to his own face.

Steve continues, “Maybe one day you’ll get to see it for yourself. If you choose to. I’m not going to push you into being a father. I think I pushed enough. You left because of me, and I’m sorry. If you choose to stay wherever you are, I won’t hate you for it. I won’t tell our son that you’re a bad father...because you’re not.

“Maybe you’re just scared. Maybe you’re confused. I don’t know. I guess I’ll never know. I hope you listen to this message, Tony. And if not...I guess that’s okay. I won’t push you anymore. Goodbye, Tony.”

The message ends.

Tony takes a shaky breath and quickly wipes at his eyes, but the tears keep falling. He gives up on the piece he’s trying to upgrade. His focus is gone.

It’s tempting to cross the room and make a drink at the bar, but he holds off. He needs to be sober. He needs to get better.

“Again, sir?” Jarvis asks.

This time Tony declines. He’s had enough.

“No. Thanks, buddy.”

He gives up on his work. He wasn’t in the right mindset to continue anyway. He’d rather go back upstairs and drink until he blacks out. But he can’t.

Tony slants back in his seat, scrubbing a hand over his face, wishing the tears would stop coming. A part of him is beginning to regret listening to the message. It was like pouring salt on a wound. A wound that will never close.

The urge to drink only increases and for a second he considers giving in and following through. But just in the nick of time, Pepper saves him.

Tony ignores the annoyed look on her face when she steps into the lab. He can’t remember if he had a meeting today or new interns to meet. Even if he did, he didn’t care. None of it mattered.

Before Pepper can speak, Tony cuts her off and says, “I’m sorry for whatever it is I missed.”

“You didn’t miss anything. Well, actually you did. I called you ten times!” she exclaims.

“Oh...sorry.”

“What are you doing down here?” Pepper comes closer, her eyes roaming over the array of parts and tools scattered around the workbench.

“I needed a distraction,” Tony says, turning around to pick up where he left off. He doesn’t get very far.

“You never told me how it went with Peter.”

Tony tenses, his grip on the screwdriver tightening. “Fine. Awkward as hell.”

Pepper winces and leans against the bench. “What did you do?”

“Me? Why is it always me?”

“Because I know you. You scared him away, didn’t you?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Tony.” Pepper’s voice takes on a warning tone.

Tony rolls his eyes and drops what he’s doing. “Okay! I panicked and dropped him off.”

“Dropped him off where?”

“Relax. He was safe. I...I got scared okay? I have no idea what I’m doing and he’s just so...so...happy.”

“And that’s bad?”

“No but it confuses the hell out of me. How is he so happy! You should’ve seen the way his face lit up when he saw me.”

“He’s just excited to finally meet you. What’s wrong with that?” Pepper asks.

“Because it’s _me_! I’m the worst person he should ever meet. I shouldn’t even be in his life! I’m a fuck up and all I did was hurt the one person I loved. How can he even want to meet me, Pep? I ruined his life.”

Pepper sighs sadly. “He’s happy that you’re _in_ his life. He lost the person that meant the most to him and now he has you.”

Tony scoffs. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”

“I just mean that he’s looking to you now. You’re all he has left.”

Tony blows out a breath. “What do I do? I can’t do this, Pep. I don’t know how to be a father. I can’t be…I’m not Steve.”

“No. And Peter knows that. He just wants you to be _you_.”

Tony shakes his head, unable to believe her words. Why the hell would Peter want him? He was a screw up. He couldn’t do anything right, and when life got too rough, Tony hid and drank until he could forget. He wasn’t a good father. Peter deserved better.

Pepper lays a hand over his shoulder and rubs the spot soothingly. “It’s going to be okay. No one said this was going to be easy.”

“I miss him. I miss him so much. God I wish I could go back and fix everything I did wrong.”

Pepper sighs sadly and wraps her arms around him. Tony turns and clings to her tightly, sobbing quietly.

“I know,” Pepper rubs a hand along his back, “I know it hurts. But it’ll get better. You can’t go back but you can go forward. You can be better for yourself and your son.”

Tony pulls away. “I don’t know how.”

“You’ll figure it out. You can do this.”

“Thanks, Pep.”

Pepper smiles and nods, then she leaves to give him space.

Tony takes a moment to compose himself before picking up his tools and working again.

“J, play it again.”


	24. Memories Of Home

Peter knew this day was coming. Sooner or later he’d have to return to his old apartment. For the past couple of weeks his uncle’s home had been home. The guest bedroom that was reserved for his future cousin now held some of his belongings. A part of Peter hated that he took that space and tainted it. He hopes one day he’s not living there anymore and a new baby takes his place. He keeps his fingers crossed.

The reason for revising his old apartment is to clean it out. Peter can’t even imagine touching his papa’s things. No one had gone in there since the funeral.

It’s obvious that Peter's initial wish to leave the space alone has been granted. Everything is how Peter remembers. The kitchen is still tidy along with the living room, except for the layer of dust covering most surfaces. Pretty normal.

Peter wishes he could turn around and have the apartment locked up, but it was uncles and aunt that decided to clean up the space.

Peter looks around at the sullen faces of his family, hating how heartbroken they all appear. Bucky and Natasha have tears in their eyes, and it’s obvious Bruce and Sam are trying to be the strong ones.

“Where do we start?” Sam asks, his eyes roaming over the place that not too long ago used to inhabit his best friend.

“I don’t want to do this,” Bucky admits. The tears in his eyes have escaped and a few roll down his face. He takes a shaky breath to calm himself, but he’s struggling. “I can’t.”

Sam nods in understanding and pulls his husband close. “I know,” he whispers and presses a gentle kiss to the side of Bucky’s head.

“I can do the living room,” Bruce volunteers. He meets the sad eyes of his nephew. “Or not. Pete, you decide. This was your home.”

Peter’s vision momentarily blurs and he quickly blinks to rid the tears. He sniffs and says, “I don’t know. I...I don’t want to be here. Can’t we just leave his stuff alone?”

“We won’t touch it right now if you don’t want to,” Natasha says softly.

“I don’t want to touch it ever!” Peter exclaims angrily and more hot tears run down his face. “This is his home too. Why do we have to mess it up?”

“Okay,” Sam tries to defuse the situation. He comes closer until the teenager allows him to pull him into a tender embrace. “We won’t mess anything up.”

“I just want things to go back to the way they were,” Peter sobs into his uncle’s chest. Sam holds him tightly, running his fingers through the messy brown hair. Just like Steve used to do.

“I know. I’m sorry, Pete.”

Peter sniffs and clings to his uncle. He finds comfort in him, but he could never replace his papa. Peter misses the way he would hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He misses the way he would tell stories or jokes to make him feel better.

“I miss him so much,” Peter continues to sob. His uncle keeps him in his arms, doing his best to comfort him.

“We don’t have to do this now,” Sam says, his voice shaky from the tears he’s trying to hold back. “This can wait. If you want you can grab some of your things and then we can go okay?”

Peter nods.

When Peter pushes the door to his bedroom open, he lets out a sad sigh and runs his fingers through his messy hair. He blows out a breath and steps further into the room, the space now unfamiliar and foreign to him.

He’s not sure what he’s even supposed to grab. The bedroom he’s currently residing in can only hold so much, and a part of him isn’t comfortable taking full control of the space yet. It was supposed to belong to a future family member.

Peter opens the drawer to his dresser and rummages through it, taking as much as he can and making a pile on his old bed.

Muffled voices fill his ears and he stops what he’s doing, straining to pick up on the conversation that’s currently going on outside. Peter opens the door to his room and pokes his head out, the voices clearer now.

“I hate doing this,” his aunt says.

“I know,” Sam’s voice can be heard next. “But he left you in charge, Nat.”

“Sometimes I wish he didn’t. I can’t…”

She’s sobbing now, the sound painful to Peter’s ears. He leans against the doorframe, his own tears running down his face. The guilt that washes over him is difficult to ignore. They were grieving too and Peter somehow managed to make it about himself. That wasn’t his intention, but from where he’s standing, he can’t help but feel that way. He lost his father, but they lost their best friend. It wasn’t just about him. It was about all of them.

Peter steps out of the room and makes his way back into the living room, finding his uncles trying to console his upset aunt. They all glance up when they hear him approach.

“H-hey,” Peter greets, wringing his hands nervously, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making this difficult on everyone.”

His aunt rushes toward him, brushing his tears away. “Sweetie, no. You’re not making this difficult for anyone. It’s...it’s hard, yes, but not because of you. This isn’t your fault.”

“It feels like it is. I’m sorry, Auntie Nat,” Peter whimpers and hugs her tightly. She hugs him back and cradles the back of his head. Just like he remembers her doing when he was younger.

“Shh, Pete, it’s okay. I’m not mad. No one’s mad.”

Peter pulls away and quickly wipes away his tears, wishing for once he could get it together and stop crying. He needed to be strong. Just like his papa taught him.

“We can...clean,” he says, his eyes roaming over the living room. He can’t even begin to imagine packing all of their movies and books and photos into a box.

“We’ll take it slow,” Natasha assures with a small smile.

Peter nods. “Okay.”

They do exactly that. Peter abandons his room, deciding to help out in the living room and sort through the items left behind. It’s difficult at first, but no one said it was going to be easy. He’s just grateful he’s not alone to do this hard task.

They’re all gathered around the large living space. Peter and Sam are on the floor sorting through the countless dvds while Bucky, Natasha, and Bruce gather on the sofa and sort through photos and other miscellaneous items Steve has collected over the years.

“Why does he have _The Wizard Of Oz_ on Blu-ray?” Sam questions, lips twisting into a grin as he struggles to hold back his laughter.

Peter peers up the pile of dvds he’s sorting through and chuckles. “I have no idea.”

Bucky frowns. “That’s a classic! We saw it like ten times.”

“Ten?” Natasha teases and Bucky grumbles, “shut up.”

“But like why?” Sam can no longer contain his laughter. Peter joins in.

“He even has all the really old _Star Wars_ movies,” Peter adds, giggling even more.

The laughter stops.

“Really old?” Sam raises a questioning brow. “Bro, they’re not that old. You love those movies.”

“Yeah. But they’re still really old,” Peter tries to defend.

“Older than this!” Sam holds up the _The Wizard of Oz_ dvd.

“Hey! Watch who you’re calling old,” Bucky says and throws an old magazine at his husband. Sam dodges the attack and laughs.

“Sorry. But it is old, Buck.”

“Uh-oh. Someone’s gonna sleep on the couch tonight,” Natasha chuckles.

Sam scoffs. “Yeah right. He loves me.”

“Only a little.” Bucky winks.

Peter shakes his head at the bantering and continues to sort through the movies. His eyes fill with tears when he comes across their ridiculously huge Disney collection. His papa had been alive when Disney released their first film, and that’s when Peter figures his love for Disney started. They used to curl up on the sofa and watch Disney films together. His papa loved catching up on what he missed, and he made sure his son was there to experience it with him.

Peter sighs sadly and continues sorting through the movies, only to pause when he comes across his papa’s favorite Disney film. He picks up the dvd of _Robin Hood_.

The tears stream down his face and he uses the sleeve of his shirt to wipe them away before he’s noticed, but he’s not quick enough, and he glances up when a hand rests over his shoulder.

“I know,” Sam says, his voice thick and eyes shiny.

“I think he watched this like a thousand times,” Peter laughs at the memories of watching the movie over and over until they both had the lines memorized.

“Probably more than that,” Natasha says, “he would pick it sometimes during movie night.”

“We eventually had to tell him to pick something else,” Bruce chuckles.

“Do you remember that time he picked _American Pie_?” Sam breaks out into another fit of giggles. The rest of the team join in.

“Wait what?” Peter frowns, hating that he didn’t understand. “When?”

“You weren’t born yet,” Natasha helps fill in some of the gaps.

“But why would he pick that? It’s so…” Peter trails off, cringing.

“I know!” Sam laughs.

“He didn’t know,” Bucky defends his friend, just like he used to do.

“True,” Bruce nods in agreement. “He thought it was…something else.”

“Oh no.” Peter winces and giggles. “What happened? Did he hate it?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cringe so hard,” Bucky says.

“Don’t worry we shut it off. We’re not that cruel,” Sam says.

Natasha scoffs. “Yeah right. You made fun of him for a week!”

Sam laughs harder from the memory. “I’m not even sorry.”

“Jerk.” Bucky throws a pillow at his husband this time, hitting him perfectly in the head, causing Sam to lose his balance and fall over. That brings on a new fit of giggles.

Bucky rolls his eyes and gets up from the sofa, stretching and groaning when his back pops. “I don’t know about you idiots but I’m starving.”

“Pizza!” Peter cries and scrambles to his feet. “Please! We haven’t had it in weeks!”

“I agree with this big dork,” Sam jabs his thumb in Peter’s direction.

“Then pizza it is,” Bucky grins and helps his husband off the floor. “You’re paying since you decided to be an ass.”

“That’s cold.” Sam frowns before following Bucky to the front door.

“It’s better than the couch!” Natasha calls out to them, chuckling when Sam flips her off. “I guess it’s break time,” she says and rises to her feet, stretching and yawning.

Bruce nods in agreement and leans back in his seat, opening one of Steve’s books and skimming through it.

With both his aunt and uncle distracted, Peter decides to go back to his room and tidy it up and sort through his belongings.

He passes by his father’s room, grateful that the door is still closed. Sooner or later it was going to be opened and all of the belongings nestled inside were going to come out and sorted. Peter hopes that’s a task saved for later.

It’s not long before he’s gathered what he wants to keep and items he feels content parting with. He gives up after a while and decides to join his aunt and uncle back in the living room.

He can hear his aunt and uncle talking as he makes his way down the hall and toward the bedroom he told himself he’d never enter again.

The room has a slight chill in the air, but it’s the familiar scent that smacks Peter in the face first. He flips on the light and allows his eyes to roam over every visible inch. The first thing Peter notices is the neatly made bed, then his eyes travel to the worn out pair of sneakers lined up against the wall.

He purposely ignores the framed photo on the nightstand. He can’t bear to look at it.

Peter sits down on the bed, and this time his eyes land on the photograph. He takes it in his hands, tears blurring the two people in the photo. He blinks a couple of times to clear his vision.

The photo is of them a few years ago during one of their annual trips to DisneyWorld. Both are smiling brightly and wearing their Mickey Mouse hats. Peter smiles, the memory of them still fresh in his mind. They used to go every chance they got, but eventually it got harder and harder to attend the Happiest Place On Earth.

They were supposed to go again during the summer. There were a lot of things they were supposed to do. Plans that had been made. Now it was all broken.

The simple life his papa wanted was never going to exist. They weren’t going to get the chance to live in Brooklyn.

A choked sob escapes Peter and he sets the picture down beside him, then he’s hunching forward and burying his face in his hands, sobbing into them. He wants to scream and cry until the pain is gone, but nothing could ever rid him of this excruciating pain. It was always going to be there.

Peter straightens up and wipes at his eyes. He picks the photo back up and smiles at it, then places it back on the nightstand.

He jumps when he senses someone else with him and his head snaps up in the direction of the doorway. His aunt smiles at him.

“Hey. Buck has the pizza if you’re still hungry,” she says.

“Yeah,” Peter nods and sends her a small smile, “I’m starving.”

Natasha steps further into the room and takes a seat beside him. Her eyes fall on the picture Peter had been looking at and she smiles.

“He really liked that place, huh? I used to think maybe it was because he had missed so much, but he was just a big dork.”

Peter chuckles.

“I’m only half kidding by the way,” Natasha grins.

“I know,” Peter smiles and he glances back at the photo, “it was one of his favorite places. I think that’s why we went so much. Did you guys ever go?”

“All of us?” Natasha asks and Peter nods. She takes a moment to think it over. “Maybe a couple of times. It wasn’t until he had you did he try to make it a yearly thing. I think there’s pictures of you dressed as Winnie the Pooh when you were a year old.”

Peter chuckles again.

“He just loved spending time with you.”

Peter’s smile falters. “He was ready to give it all up just so we could have a normal life.”

That bit of happiness disappears and the heavy sadness hovers over them again.

“Yeah. He mentioned retiring. I wish he would’ve had the chance. He at least deserved that.” Natasha’s eyes are full of tears and she quickly wipes away the ones that escape. “Sorry,” she apologizes when the tears don’t stop.

Peter responds by hugging her tightly. “It’s okay. I miss him too. A lot.”

They hold each other for a few moments before Natasha pulls away first and wipes her eyes. “We better get out there before the pizza’s gone.”

Peter nods and follows her out of the room. This time he leaves the door open.

The sound of laughter fills his ears the moment Peter steps into the kitchen, and he smiles at the scene of his Uncle Sam and Bucky lost in another banter. He leans against the entryway of the kitchen, watching them act like a couple of children. It was just like old times.

The only thing missing is the person on everyone’s mind. Peter wishes just once he’d catch a glance of his father in the kitchen with his uncles. They were always spending time together.

They gather back into the living room to eat. It’s not surprising when the space is filled with their laughter and playful bantering. It reminds Peter of all the times when they’d gather like this. He misses it.

Natasha disappears for a moment, and when she returns, she has an old photo album in her hands. She lays it down on the coffee table and everyone gathers around.

“I figured we could reminisce,” Natasha says with a small shrug and flips the album to the first page. She immediately coos at the baby picture of Peter. “Look at you! You were so tiny and cute!”

“What happened?” Bucky teases and ruffles his nephew’s hair.

“He’s still tiny,” Bruce adds.

“Hey! Just because you’re the biggest Avenger!” Peter retorts.

Natasha turns the page, showing off the first ultrasound picture Steve had saved and of another of his belly when he had first started to show.

“I made him do this,” Natasha points at the second photo. Giggling she says, “No more abs!”

Peter smiles at the pictures covering the page. He’s seen them all, but it’s been so long since he’s gone through the album.

“Look at my face!” Peter points at the one of him during his first birthday and the chocolate frosting covering his cheeks and eyes.

“What a waste of perfectly good cake,” Sam jokes.

“Hold on,” Bucky takes the album and begins flipping through it. “I have a better one.”

He goes through the pages until he finds what he’s looking for. The picture is of Peter when he was no older than two and playing in the bathtub. A very wet and annoyed Steve is frowning up at the camera.

“He was pissed that I took it,” Bucky says with a small chuckle, then he continues going through the pages, coming across more birthdays, Christmas’s, and all the holidays in between.

“Wait,” Peter stops his uncle from going any further when a picture captures his attention. “I remember this,” he smiles and peels back the protective film to take the photo into his hands. “He let me wear his helmet sometimes and I’d pretend to be Captain America. We’d play for hours.”

Bucky smiles. “I remember. We used to play too. You always made me the bad guy.”

Peter winces. “Sorry.”

Bucky smiles again and wraps an arm around his nephew and brings him close.

“Let me see,” Natasha takes the album back and goes through it, stopping every now and then to laugh and make fun of any that had Bucky in them. He’s not amused and a playful banter breaks out between them.

Peter can only watch with amusement. He loved seeing his family like this again.

They continue to reminisce old memories that they’ve made over the years. There’s a few pictures that bring tears to their eyes and others that bring smiles and laughter. Peter enjoys it all.

He can’t help but wonder what his dad is doing at this moment and if he’s thinking about home too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this update! The next one will have some of Tony’s pov and then him and Peter will meet up again. Thank you so much for reading! I love you all! ❤️


	25. Haunted By The Ghost Of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses more on Tony and his grief, but I swear after this it will be focusing more on him and his relationship with Peter. They have a lot of work.
> 
> This chapter and title was actually inspired by the song The Night We Met by Lord Huron. Here's the link if anyone is interested. I swear I listened to it on repeat while writing this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQh9eDcS1-0
> 
> Anyway I hope you all enjoy this update! :)

Tony pulls up to the cemetery and shuts off the ignition, a heavy sigh leaving him as he peers out the tinted window and toward the cemetery gates. He practically talked himself into coming, otherwise he’d still be cooped up in his lab and fighting the urge to drink.

He hasn’t had a sip from the bottle since his last encounter with Peter. It was difficult, especially when all he wanted to do was drink and forget about Steve. But forgetting Steve wasn’t something Tony could ever do. No matter how hard he tried.

Steve was on his mind every second of every day. When Pepper handed him new contracts or forwarded him emails he needed to reply to, all Tony could think about was Steve. His company was going to crumble if he didn’t put all his focus into it, but sometimes Tony didn’t care. He’d let SI fall.

That wasn’t an option of course. Sure he could step down and let someone else take the reins while he figured out his life and the son that was now in it. But he’s been away for so long and it was his responsibility to clean up his mess.

But God did he wish he could hide away again and pretend that his life wasn’t the shit show that it was.

Tony finally finds the courage to get out of the car and make his way into the cemetery. The atmosphere was heavy, the sadness pressing on his chest until it was nearly crushing him. This wasn’t the first time he’s been at a cemetery and it definitely wouldn’t be his last. He’s transported back in time when he lost his parents and had to watch as they were lowered into the ground. It hurt, worse than any type of pain he’s ever felt.

But now as he steps in front of Steve’s grave, the hurt doesn’t even compare. Tony’s eyes burn with unshed tears and he blinks them back, telling himself to keep it together.

One glance around shows how much the Captain was loved. Candles, flowers, and other gifts have been left near the base of the statue. Tony feels even worse for not bringing anything to lay down.

Now he had even more added to his guilt.

Tony keeps his sunglasses in place, even if it’s considered too dark to have them on. The sun was setting, painting the sky in pretty pinks and purples. Only there was nothing appealing about it. It was hard to find beauty in the world when his didn’t make sense anymore.

“Damn you, Steve,” Tony curses, his anger building. It wasn’t as if any of this was Steve’s fault. It wasn’t like Steve knew he was going to die so unexpectedly. But damn did it hurt. It hurt badly. “Fuck,” Tony grumbles and angrily wipes at the tears that roll down his face.

Keeping his composure was a struggle. Every day he found himself losing his grip on himself. Pretty soon he was going to bend until he couldn’t anymore, and he’d break in a million little pieces.

“I can’t do this.” Tony shakes his head and turns away to hide the sob that threatens to tear from his throat. He takes a moment to gather himself before turning back to face the statue. “Why?” He finally has the courage to confront Steve. It was a shame it was too late. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me? That night at the stupid party…”

Tony cups his mouth when the sob makes another attempt to escape. It wasn’t Steve’s fault. The night of the party was when Tony should have come clean and told Steve how he felt. Steve only assumed what they did was a one and done kind of deal. Tony doesn’t blame him for thinking that. That’s the vibe Tony gave off.

“How the hell was I supposed to know that you...that you loved me back? How!” Tony shouts. Luckily he’s the only one at the cemetery, and no one hears his outburst.

He can’t hold back the tears anymore, and with a sob, he lets go and allows his emotions to take full control. He places his hand over the bronze shield, his body hunching forward and trembling with each sob.

“Why?” Tony whispers, “why did it have to be you? It should’ve been me.”

Tony doesn’t stay long after that. It’s too painful. He can’t take the heavy presence that surrounds him.

* * *

JARVIS must be upset. It’s been two hours since the AI stopped interacting. Two hours since Tony got home and locked himself away. Two hours since he reached for the bottle.

Tony doesn’t blame the AI for ignoring him. It had been JARVIS who tried to convince Tony to stop drinking and find another way to cope. But Tony had ignored him, deciding he knew best. He needed a drink.

But now that he has it and no AI on his side, Tony feels even more lonely than he did before shutting himself in his penthouse.

The drink burns as it goes down, but it doesn’t compare to the discomfort he’s already suffering through. Tony takes another drink from his glass until it’s empty. He tells himself just one for tonight, but it’s a lie. Pretty soon he’s going to drag his ass off the couch and toward the bar.

He needs another distraction. Something that’s going to take Steve’s memory away for good. Tony laughs at himself. Steve was never going to go away. He was always going to be there, haunting Tony for the rest of his life. Maybe Tony deserved that. He deserved that kind of pain.

Just like Tony predicted, he’s getting up from the sofa and making his way toward the bar he knows should’ve been emptied days ago. He decides to change it up, reaching for his best bottle of tequila and filling his glass.

“Sir,” JARVIS decides to finally speak up. Too late. Tony wasn’t interested in what he had to say. It wasn’t like JARVIS cared. “I recall you promising to quit drinking. Do I have to remind you of your son?”

Tony grits his teeth and his fingers tighten around the glass. He’s pretty sure if he squeezed any harder the glass will shatter.

“I don’t need a reminder,” Tony retorts and downs the drink, not even grimacing from the intense and fiery taste.

JARVIS sighs and Tony can’t help but roll his eyes. He didn’t need a scolding right now. Lord knows he gets it enough from Pepper.

“I don’t think Captain Rogers would appreciate your behavior.”

Of course JARVIS knows where to hit Tony where it hurts. Tony squeezes the glass a little harder, fighting the outburst that’s dangerously close to happening.

“He’s dead, J. I don’t think he cares.”

“I think he does, sir. Peter is his son too. The son he wanted you to take care of. The son you promised to be there for.”

This time Tony loses his cool and throws the glass against the wall, not caring if it smashes into pieces and creates a mess on the floor.

“Enough, J. You don’t get to talk about him. Not ever!” Tony shouts.

“I’m only trying to help,” JARVIS replies, his tone cool and collected. It only pisses Tony off more.

“Yeah? Leave me alone. How’s that for helping?”

“I’m not leaving you alone anymore, sir. You’re in distress.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re hurting.”

Tony shakes his head, refusing to listen to the AI’s words. He reaches for another glass, ready to fill it and chug down the alcohol until the world around him fades. But then a familiar voice fills the space and Tony lifts his head, almost regretting it when he’s met with an image of Steve.

The footage JARVIS has decided to broadcast is the day Steve first moved into the tower along with the rest of the Avengers. Tony had thought it would be fun(and obnoxious) to record it all. Steve appeared the most annoyed, not a fan of being recorded. Especially when he was still trying to adjust to a new world, a new home, and new friends.

It had taken a while for Steve to adjust, but once he did, he smiled for the camera. It was shy and reserved, but it was a smile. The one Tony knew he’d never get enough of.

“J, please?” Tony whispers, “don’t.”

The video ends and the next one starts. It’s during one of the many Christmas parties Tony threw every year. He’s recording again, showing off the large space the hired decorators had set up and commenting on the giant tree displayed in the middle of the room.

The camera shifts, showing off Natasha and Clint lounging on the sofas, deep in a conversation. Natasha notices the camera first and flips Tony off. He chuckles and moves on, searching for someone in particular.

“There he is!” Tony from the video says cheerfully. Steve enters the frame, unamused with another video.

“Tony, stop.” Steve tries to block the camera with his palm, making Tony chuckle again.

“Lighten up, Capsicle, it’s Christmas! You’re missing something. Aha!” The camera shakes for a moment while Tony takes a Santa hat and places it on Steve’s head. “Perfect! You look jolly already.”

Steve rolls his eyes, but that same, shy smile appears on his face.

Tony can’t bring himself to watch anymore. “J, please?,” he begs, fully aware of the tears running down his face. “Turn it off.”

“You’re hurting, sir. It’s okay to grieve.”

“J, please! Why are you doing this?”

“To help. To remind you of all the reasons why you shouldn’t accept defeat. You’ve already abandoned the only family you’ve ever known. Please don’t do it a second time.”

Tony releases a sob and collapses on the couch, hunching forward and burying his face into his hands, sobbing into them. The video is still playing in the background, the sound of Steve’s laughter only making Tony cry harder.

It hurt. The pain was worse than anything Tony’s ever felt before. He knows JARVIS means well, but the videos are torture. He can’t take it anymore.

“Please!” Tony cries and the video pauses, right on Steve’s smiling face. Tony stares at the image, into Steve’s eyes, wishing he could be staring into the real thing. Tony releases a choked sob and glances down, unable to watch the video. “Please, J. I can’t. It....it hurts. Please…”

“It’s okay to feel this sort of pain. You’ve been trying to hide from it,” JARVIS says.

“I can’t do this. I can’t.”

“You can.”

Tony shakes his head. “Turn it off please? I can’t look at him.”

The video disappears and Tony peers up, relieved that Steve’s smiling face is now gone. But he still aches for it, despite the pain it puts him through. He wishes he could go back to those days when they were friends. He’d even take their worst days over not having Steve at all.

He was the one who screwed up. He was the one who pushed Steve and everyone close to him away. It was his fault. His mistakes.

And now he was paying for it. The pain would always be there. Tormenting him. Haunting him.


End file.
